Anonymous wrote:So instead of taking some solace in the fact the your mother feels some regret for treating you less than well, you want to figure out how you can wield this against her in the future, which will simultaneously throw your brother under the bus for sharing a confidence with you? Hmm.

+1

You sound like a sociopath.

You are exactly like your mother.

Holy Cow. I hope this is not the way your family operates. Tit for tat?

Consider seeing a therapist to find some better ways to handle your unhappiness.

So instead of taking some solace in the fact the your mother feels some regret for treating you less than well, you want to figure out how you can wield this against her in the future, which will simultaneously throw your brother under the bus for sharing a confidence with you? Hmm.

Why keeping tabs, as if you are an angel growing up. As a parent yourself, you should understand what parenting is all about. If not, you have more to learn being a parent. Don't want your kids to be keeping tabs on you.

OP, you need to break the whole dynamic. When someone tries to guilt you, they're trying to manipulate you against your will, which is wrong. It's healthier to see that and just shut them down. Read some books about boundaries. When you try and play their game by manipulating them back, you're perpetuating a sick dynamic.

All this will do is teach her she should NEVER admit to doing anything wrong/being wrong ever again.

Is that what you want?

Do you "keep things in your back pocket" to use against your husband? Your children? Your son/daughter-in-law? Your best friend? If so, you honestly do need to get into therapy.

Yes, go right ahead because every strong mature relationship is built on keeping tabs. Also, know that you know this it would be even better if you. Ever mention that you know it but milk it for all its worth with babysitting, private school tuition...the list of uses is endless.

Adults don't usually stock up on emotional ammunition to use against another adult, especially a family member. Obviously, your mother is trying to move past it and you should do the same.

Gross. This is a very weird and destructive way of thinking.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of using emotional hammers to get your point across (something you most likely learned from your mother) I'd consider a good therapist to help you manage your relationship with your mother.

+1

The fact that you're weighing whether to use this new knowledge against her says that you have learned some pretty negative behaviors, possibly from her.

Don't perpetuate that cycle of bad behavior and unkindness. Get to a professional third party who can help you undo the damage already done to you and help you learn how NOT to behave the same way or to seek revenge.

If you "keep this in your back pocket" to drag out when she next does something to you --then you're acting just like she did in the past, aren't you? Do you want that?

Instead of using emotional hammers to get your point across (something you most likely learned from your mother) I'd consider a good therapist to help you manage your relationship with your mother.

Passive aggressive much? Quit playing games and get yourself some much-needed psychotherapy.

Uh, no. What good is that going to do?

My mom admitted to my brother that she feels guilty about how she treated me when my son was born. If Mom is unfairly trying to guilt me about something, is it fair game for me to bring this up? I haven't so far.