Mine was a huge womanizer and still seems to be sometimes! he almost left my mom when we were little for another woman til my mother intervened and called out that woman who was also his coworker getting them both fired. My dad stuck by but he was very irresponsible and totally screwed up his and my moms credit and we werent able to purchase a house until i was almost 21 because of him. My mom resents him for the cheating and accepted it. He did a lot of stupid things like driving while tipsy and forgetting to pick me up from school when I was just 5 years old. My relationship with him now is distant not as close as the relationship i have with my mom but i still care about him because he is older now and look out for him but I just resent him for the things he did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My father worked at all hours for decades to provide us with a middle class lifestyle. He cooked and packed my lunch box at 6 in the morning for years. He drove me to school, even though it wasn't on his way to work.

He is constitutionally unable to talk about emotions. All stiff upper lip and stuff. He hardly speaks anyway and doesn't like to interact with people. He doesn't hug, but gives pecks on the cheek.

But I know he loves me very much indeed, and I love him just as much in return.

That's a nice story. Thank you for sharing.

That is nice. On the other hand I had absolutely no indication that my dad loved me. My sense was he felt responsible for me, but certainly not that he loved me.

Op just wanted to say that I too had a completely emotionally unavailable dad. Like yours, he provided for his family, but I could never really feel love for him. I had a lot of issues as a teenage girl and young adult because of my relationship with him (or complete lack there of) and even today it really affects my marriage.

To those who think op sounds whiny, I'm not sure why you think it should be so easy to love a father who never showed you affection or interest. It's part of a parents job to model healthy relationships to their kids and without that it skews your entire perspective on love, family, men, etc.

Anonymous wrote:
My father worked at all hours for decades to provide us with a middle class lifestyle. He cooked and packed my lunch box at 6 in the morning for years. He drove me to school, even though it wasn't on his way to work.

He is constitutionally unable to talk about emotions. All stiff upper lip and stuff. He hardly speaks anyway and doesn't like to interact with people. He doesn't hug, but gives pecks on the cheek.

But I know he loves me very much indeed, and I love him just as much in return.

That's a nice story. Thank you for sharing.

I didn't love my father. I didn't cry when he died. Now, after I got some space and distance, and probably mostly because I have a son now, I see how flawed and broken my dad was, and now feel sorry for him. Maybe if I had realized that before he died, I could have grown to love him.

When a parent doesn't show love, it does impact you. You may either have trouble being vulnerable to others, or you may fall immediately and inappropriately in love with others. Or a mix of both.

I don't think I love as easily as many people do. But I have an unconditional love for my son that is so intense, it shocks me often. And that makes me even more confused by my father's lack of love for me.

What are your other intimate relationships like? Do you feel they are healthy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your dad worked so you had a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and schools to go to. He may not have been very "warm and fuzzy", but sticking around and providing for you should count for something. I actually do think you may share his emotional limitations if you don't see that.

My stepfather did all that and allowed his three sons to beat me up and molest me for years. Should I still love him?

Seriously?! How did you get that from my post? Clearly the situation I was describing was not applicable to you. OP was describing a non-demonstrative man, who provided for her growing up. There was no mention of abuse in her op, and none in my pp either. Get yourself some therapy - not every parent is abusive. I'm sorry yours was.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your dad worked so you had a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and schools to go to. He may not have been very "warm and fuzzy", but sticking around and providing for you should count for something. I actually do think you may share his emotional limitations if you don't see that.

My stepfather did all that and allowed his three sons to beat me up and molest me for years. Should I still love him?

Anonymous wrote:My dad was horrible. Just because someone passes a little sperm does not mean they will be a good parent or that you owe them anything. Move on and associate with good people who respect you.

+1

Sounds like your dad worked so you had a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and schools to go to. He may not have been very "warm and fuzzy", but sticking around and providing for you should count for something. I actually do think you may share his emotional limitations if you don't see that.

My father worked at all hours for decades to provide us with a middle class lifestyle. He cooked and packed my lunch box at 6 in the morning for years. He drove me to school, even though it wasn't on his way to work.

He is constitutionally unable to talk about emotions. All stiff upper lip and stuff. He hardly speaks anyway and doesn't like to interact with people. He doesn't hug, but gives pecks on the cheek.

But I know he loves me very much indeed, and I love him just as much in return.

My dad was horrible. Just because someone passes a little sperm does not mean they will be a good parent or that you owe them anything. Move on and associate with good people who respect you.

My dad is a dick. Don't love him because he's not lovable. He's all taker, no giver.

I'd be able to set aside the annoying political beliefs, but the rest of it is more problematic.

You sound very immature.

Stop torturing yourself.

My dad is emotionally vapid. He has provided for me and my siblings our whole lives but without much affection. I also don't really like his personality- kind of just a dick and holds political beliefs that I really disagree with. Anyway, going through some things and trying to look inward. Should I be making a bigger effort to love him despite his flaws and try to believe that he showed his love by providing for us rather than interacting with us and showing affection? I'm starting to wonder if I suffer from the same emotional limitations as him. Thoughts?