Anonymous wrote:This is OP and she is pushing to host, which fine, I am not going to stick my pick in the ground over it. Bring on the stale rolls, lukewarm ham, frozen veggies in butter! We don't know what her deal is, we offer to host and have a few times. I think this is a control thing for her. But the last handful of holiday dinners she has openly acted like she hated every minute of cooking the meal. I will ask what to bring, and even be specific "Can I bring the rolls?" for example, but she'll say no.

Catering doesn't make it any better. For their anniversary dinner they had it catered and managed to find a caterer who cooks just like her: bland, beige, blech.

I think older generations just LIKE bland food. I can't stand it. Even the restaurants they choose are the blandest.

OP again. These are not large dinners, just MIL/FIL/SIL and my family of four, which is why us hosting/cooking, going out, etc. wouldn't be overly complicated, but no.

This is OP and she is pushing to host, which fine, I am not going to stick my pick in the ground over it. Bring on the stale rolls, lukewarm ham, frozen veggies in butter! We don't know what her deal is, we offer to host and have a few times. I think this is a control thing for her. But the last handful of holiday dinners she has openly acted like she hated every minute of cooking the meal. I will ask what to bring, and even be specific "Can I bring the rolls?" for example, but she'll say no.

Catering doesn't make it any better. For their anniversary dinner they had it catered and managed to find a caterer who cooks just like her: bland, beige, blech.

Every year thanksgiving is at our ils house. It works out very well, because all of us bring a side or two and my bil makes the turkey. So, in this way, my ils don't have to do anything, but still get to host.

My sil and bil who live close to them, actually proposed this many years ago, and it has really worked well for everyone.

There are a lot of people out there that insist on having holiday meals at their house but then get in a really pissy mood about having to cook it, clean, etc.
Some of them host because they feel obliged to, and would be happy to finally have it taken off their hands.
But some of them do it because it somehow is part of how they define their sense of self, and don't want to give it up even though they never seem to enjoy it.

I can somewhat sympathize, because whenever I host anything, I always have a moment of "Why the f-- did I offer to do this? Everything is getting over-cooked and someone just spilled _____ all over the ______." Then I try to take a deep breath, have a drink, and get over it. I think almost everyone that has hosted a big family meal has had at least one "mutter under your breath" moment!

Catering. Amen.

I don't understand this passive-aggressiveness from your MIL, OP. Did someone force her at gunpoint to cook? Did you all offer to bring a Thanksgiving dish to her house? Could you all have chipped in for a catered Thanksgiving?

Communication solves nearly everything.

Try to invest in love not judgment OP

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I never care about the food - only the company.

I used to say that...until my sil and her mother made the worst thanksgiving food. Now I care.

Good luck, OP!

Now that MIL is gone, I kind of get sentimental about the canned fruit cocktail that began every holiday dinner! Chokes me up a bit to think about it.

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I never care about the food - only the company.

I totally care about the food. Life is too short for crappy food at the holidays.

Amen, OP. I hate going to someone's house when it's clear they really wish they weren't entertaining.

Eh, I never care about the food - only the company.

Drop the "canned food" criticism.

My MIL had made it obvious that she is tired of cooking holiday dinners (slammed oven doors, under breath comments, canned food, etc.) I said I would host Easter and am praying they say yes. Because I don't want to have another bland, sick of cooking holiday by MIL. Let us pray.