Anonymous wrote:I actually wish my mom would "tone it down". She is uncomfortable when she is not getting attention and she will begin to get louder and louder, holding people hostage in conversation and completely unaware of how she comes across.

+1, add in 30 years of teaching middle school, and she talks to someone 10 inches away the same volume she'd use with a room full of 13-year-olds...

Anonymous wrote:I would be really appalled if I was ordered to "Tone it down!"
What's wrong with "Can you speak a little quieter, please, I worry we're being too loud?"
Or something like that.

The first time? Sure. But loud-asses are CONSTANTLY loud and over the top. OP's mom has probably been trying to foster OP's self-awareness for decades...

I would be really appalled if I was ordered to "Tone it down!"
What's wrong with "Can you speak a little quieter, please, I worry we're being too loud?"
Or something like that.

I actually wish my mom would "tone it down". She is uncomfortable when she is not getting attention and she will begin to get louder and louder, holding people hostage in conversation and completely unaware of how she comes across.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom telling my kids to tone it down because I don't want them to grow up to be clueless people who have no awareness of their volume or actions. The world is already too full of people who don't seem to notice or care that their kids are incredibly loud and rowdy--or that they themselves are. I'm always amazed at people in restaurants, trains, waiting rooms, etc who talk at TOP VOLUME to other people or on the phone and seem to be clueless that other people can hear them. Or they just don't care. Maybe it's liberating to be that clueless or indifferent but I don't want my kids to be like them. So--tone it down!

It's fine for you to tell your kids to tone it down. Not so great when you are 50 and your 88 year old mother is telling you to tone it down.

Well...are you loud and unaware/ignoring the social cues and glares of others? Tone it down from mom is nicer than what the rest of us want to say to you...

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom telling my kids to tone it down because I don't want them to grow up to be clueless people who have no awareness of their volume or actions. The world is already too full of people who don't seem to notice or care that their kids are incredibly loud and rowdy--or that they themselves are. I'm always amazed at people in restaurants, trains, waiting rooms, etc who talk at TOP VOLUME to other people or on the phone and seem to be clueless that other people can hear them. Or they just don't care. Maybe it's liberating to be that clueless or indifferent but I don't want my kids to be like them. So--tone it down!

It's fine for you to tell your kids to tone it down. Not so great when you are 50 and your 88 year old mother is telling you to tone it down.

Well...are you loud and unaware/ignoring the social cues and glares of others? Tone it down from mom is nicer than what the rest of us want to say to you...

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom telling my kids to tone it down because I don't want them to grow up to be clueless people who have no awareness of their volume or actions. The world is already too full of people who don't seem to notice or care that their kids are incredibly loud and rowdy--or that they themselves are. I'm always amazed at people in restaurants, trains, waiting rooms, etc who talk at TOP VOLUME to other people or on the phone and seem to be clueless that other people can hear them. Or they just don't care. Maybe it's liberating to be that clueless or indifferent but I don't want my kids to be like them. So--tone it down!

It's fine for you to tell your kids to tone it down. Not so great when you are 50 and your 88 year old mother is telling you to tone it down.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom telling my kids to tone it down because I don't want them to grow up to be clueless people who have no awareness of their volume or actions. The world is already too full of people who don't seem to notice or care that their kids are incredibly loud and rowdy--or that they themselves are. I'm always amazed at people in restaurants, trains, waiting rooms, etc who talk at TOP VOLUME to other people or on the phone and seem to be clueless that other people can hear them. Or they just don't care. Maybe it's liberating to be that clueless or indifferent but I don't want my kids to be like them. So--tone it down!

+1

My DH's mother never told him to tone it down, and he is socially clueless. I don't want my kids to be clueless.

I'm the mom telling my kids to tone it down because I don't want them to grow up to be clueless people who have no awareness of their volume or actions. The world is already too full of people who don't seem to notice or care that their kids are incredibly loud and rowdy--or that they themselves are. I'm always amazed at people in restaurants, trains, waiting rooms, etc who talk at TOP VOLUME to other people or on the phone and seem to be clueless that other people can hear them. Or they just don't care. Maybe it's liberating to be that clueless or indifferent but I don't want my kids to be like them. So--tone it down!

Anonymous wrote:People get loud when they get happy and excited, and don't realize it. Is this you? Realize that people in your immediate area can hear you--you don't need to shout to converse. Maybe you're not picking up on the looks from other people.

You can have fun, but yeah...tone it down!

I agree--if that's the situation in which the mom is saying this. OP, is this really about mom being "overly socially conscientious/self-unsure" as you put it? Or is she only doing this when it's a social setting (restaurant, wherever) and people are getting loud? Like the PP above, I know adults who just do not hear themselves getting louder and louder to be heard in a busy restaurant or at an event, and don't realize that others are starting to shoot them glares for being heard several tables or seats away....

The original post gives no details at all about why or in what specific circumstances your mom wants you to "tone it down." Maybe she's not unsure of herself; maybe she just doesn't care to be in a group that's being heard by strangers across the room. But as with most DCUM posts, I'd bet there's more to the story (and the relationship) than the post is telling us.

People get loud when they get happy and excited, and don't realize it. Is this you? Realize that people in your immediate area can hear you--you don't need to shout to converse. Maybe you're not picking up on the looks from other people.

You can have fun, but yeah...tone it down!

Anonymous wrote:It makes me feel like maybe I was a galloping zebra though Kensington Palace. Does anyone else's overly socially conscientious/self-unsure mom do this?

+1

My mother has a tendency to issue orders as well. It comes from her anxiety and the fact that she still sees me as an extension of herself despite the fact that I'm an adult.

Yes. I am smarter than my mom. She and I judge other people very differently.

It makes me feel like maybe I was a galloping zebra though Kensington Palace. Does anyone else's overly socially conscientious/self-unsure mom do this?