Anonymous wrote:Seriously? I had the flu when my ILs were here and I was so happy they left me the hell alone. I was also afraid of getting them sick so I self quarantined. My DH took care of me and got me what I needed but I was so happy not to have to put on a happy face for my ILs. To each their own I guess.

+1. However, I also know that I never get half the TLC I provide my DH when he is sick or recovering from surgery. A lot of men are not used to being caregivers.

I'm surprised that you wanted to be out, and I'm not surprised that they tried to avoid you.

It's an awkward situation, being in the house when your host is sick. They may have assumed that you would want space and privacy--I sure do when I'm sick! And if anyone should be cooking chicken soup and bringing water, it should have been your husband, not his mom.

You should have stayed away from them. They've got to be at least 60 or so, right? Having you around hacking and tired is not worth the risk of getting you sick. Yes. Your husband should have dropped off water etc and checked on you a couple times but no way should the whole family be bending over backwards to take care of you or expose themselves to your illness.

Are you an only child?

I prefer being left alone when sick. I'd probably assume that most people want to be alone and that you'd appreciate not being checked on.

One Easter weekend at my brother's place I came down with a horrible cold and flu. Not only did my whole family, including hubby, stay away from me, but NOT EVEN THE DOG would cuddle with me on the couch.

Sounds reasonable on their part to me. Should you be quarantined? No. But you should be resting and not infecting people.

You're reading a lot into this. I wouldn't want you hanging around with me if you had the flu. If I was that sick, I'd be staying in my room too, and counting on my husband to take care of me.

If be recoiling too. No one wants to get the flu.

I'm surprised you had the energy to come downstairs and try to socialize with them. Being quarantined in your rooms sounds ideal to me, but sounds like you wanted to be brought food & water? That's reasonable - your husband should have been checking in on you and bringing you supplies. I'm sorry if he didn't, but IMO, being taken care of as a sick person while also a parent means being left alone to care for myself and being off-duty on parent and household chores. It's nice when some one can dote on you, but I don't think it's practical for folks to keep the household running, keep the kids entertained, keep the kids out of your hair, and give you the full mom treatment. My husband expects that and gets made when I can't, but from my perspective, I'm already giving him a break.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's different when it's your own mom. But even then I'd feel bad if I got her sick so I'd probably quarantine myself.

If probably also encourage everyone to not be in the house - stay elsewhere or minimize time there.

I think it's different when it's your own mom. But even then I'd feel bad if I got her sick so I'd probably quarantine myself.

You're out of line here, OP. You *were* Typhoid Mary!

The fact that they kept the kids entertained and didn't just flee was really nice of them, and you on your own should have kept yourself quarantined to your room and one bathroom. Ideally, DH would have kept the house running (or at least minimally lysol wiped) and brought you food.

Do you really want the ILs down with what you have at your house?

Well, I wouldn't want to catch the flu, either, though their reaction is a bit extreme. I think you're taking it a bit too personally--how are you not part of the family? Is there more to that feeling? After having the flu last winter, if I could have stayed in my room alone I would have gladly done so (DH and I both had it, and the kids were miraculously fine--so it was a vicious few days of trying to care for them while we were knocked out).

My ILs would probably have gotten the kids out of the house, but also made sure I was okay. They came into town a few days before our wedding, and I was sick as a dog with "morning" sickness. Before we told them about the pregnancy, I could hear MIL downstairs yelling at DH to get me some Pepto, and she was the one who stirred a Coke for me to get it flat. But that's them--my parents are less the care-taking type, though they do what they can.

I also don't think it's realistic to expect that ILs will focus on caring for a sick adult, barring some sort of extreme illness. Occupying the kids while your husband takes care of you, sure, but expecting the focus of the weekend to be on caring for you is not reasonable, even if it's what you wanted.

I hope you feel better soon.

Seriously? I had the flu when my ILs were here and I was so happy they left me the hell alone. I was also afraid of getting them sick so I self quarantined. My DH took care of me and got me what I needed but I was so happy not to have to put on a happy face for my ILs. To each their own I guess.

What's typical in your family if someone is ill during a visit?

My ILs were visiting this weekend and I was sick (high fever, fatigue, flu like). They were here all day visiting my kids, which was great, but acted like I didn't exist and weren't comfortable with my being downstairs around them because they might catch what I had. They'd back away, wouldn't be in the same room, which was funny since they were already in my house. So I felt essentially quarantined in my room. I'd come out because it's my house, but I felt like Typhoid Mary. They just ignored and avoided me.

I asked my DH about it. If our situations had been reversed (him sick, my parents visiting), my mom would have been cooking him chicken soup and we both would have been checking on him regularly, bringing water, etc. My Dad would have made an effort to get the kids outside so the house was quiet. Our focus for the weekend would have been caring for him while getting some quality visiting time in.

I think my ILs are trying to be respectful of my space, but the message I get it that I'm not really part of the family and it's too inconvenient to care for me. It hurt my feelings. Different family practices I guess.