Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here..thanks for the responses so far.It seems it was only yesterday even though it has been a year since the split.

13 years today since the day my world was shattered. Although it does not hurt like it use to, it's still affects me on this date every year.

I am sorry for your horrible experience. People deserve to be with friends who want to help heal them. NL

Anonymous wrote:OP here..thanks for the responses so far.It seems it was only yesterday even though it has been a year since the split.

13 years today since the day my world was shattered. Although it does not hurt like it use to, it's still affects me on this date every year.

I will NEVER get married again. FWBs only.

Anonymous wrote:Can you include men that got cheated on, too, or is that too threadjacky?

Yes it is, please do not intrude on women's voices.

We've been split for a year and half and divorced for a few months. I don't know that I am the marrying kind. I'm honestly very stubborn and have serious issues with emotional intimacy. I'm trying to deal with some of my issues, but also be more upfront about who I am.

Anonymous wrote:How did you cope. Would you marry again? What would you differently? Inputs are appreciated. TIA.

As hard as it is at the time, look at it as a blessing in disguise. Life will get better and time really does heal. I did marry again four years later. Very happy now. If I ever ran into the AP, I'd thank her.
Good luck to you OP.

OP here..thanks for the responses so far.It seems it was only yesterday even though it has been a year since the split.

I had a horrible experience with my ex husband but I still believe in love. I refuse to be jaded - life is too short to be angry and hurt. I really believe there is someone out there who is perfect for me. And, if I ever meet this person, I could never imagine hurting him no matter the circumstances. I would only be hurting myself.

I have been divorced five years and only now feel ready to be married again. I had to rebuild trust in myself and recognize that his poor judgment was not my fault. My marriage failing was not all my fault. I have had one relationship post-divorce that ended amicably because we had different futures in mind.

I would get married again (after my alimony ends), but I could also be very happy just living with someone.

I questioned my own skills at judging people for a while after I found out about the cheating. It was almost as if I didn't trust myself to choose the right person (because clearly I had failed at that the last time). It took some time dating to be ready to allow myself to really jump into a relationship again.

I find that I am definitely more skeptical about guy's honesty now. I'm pretty sure that some of the guys that my gut tells me are "sketchy" are probably nice guys, but I listen to my gut more now. I have discovered that there are really wonderful, honest men out there.

I still enjoy seeing couples in love. Seeing happily married friends makes me happy. I was so terrified that I would become a bitter man-hater, but I am pleased to report that I am not.

My problem in relationships is that I am scared to get hurt that badly again. I was devastated when I found out about the cheating. I don't regret my marriage because my kids are the best thing ever, but I regret the effect that the cheating had on my self-confidence and trust in men.

I am definitely ready to love deeply and fully again!

I would marry again if I met the right person. Now that I am older, I know exactly what I want in a partner. Looking back, i married the wrong person - he was emotionally immature and did not know how to be intimate. If I am honest with myself, I knew that about him at the time but settled anyway. I will only be with someone again if they are an old soul, someone with whom I can share my body, mind, and soul. I would rather be alone than settle again, and I am fine with that. I'll be one of those crazy cat ladies in my 80s.

Yes I did marry again. Very happy now after lots of therapy- I would highly recommend that so you don't end up with the same kind of selfish person a second time. No kids from my first marriage thank goodness!

10 years later, I'm really not sure I would marry again. On the one hand, I would like to model for my kids that it is possible to have a healthy equal partnership. On the other hand, I really understand how risky it is to bring a male into my family unit (me and kids). I do not want to do anything that would introduce more instability into our lives.

I think I would probably date for at least 3 years before committing to marriage again and during that time have many , many explicit conversations about money, sex, fidelity, work outside the home and work inside the home.

I consider infidelity to be a form of serious emotional abuse, and I have taken a long time understanding the family of origin abuse that normalized some of the behavior of my ex. So, I would also be very quick to kick anyone to the curb who engaged in these kinds of pre-abusive behaviors.

Can you include men that got cheated on, too, or is that too threadjacky?

How did you cope. Would you marry again? What would you differently? Inputs are appreciated. TIA.