Anonymous wrote:Once I learned not to enable him things got much better. I do what I think is right and he deals with it. Don't play his game.

So this is how I started out. But I'm worn down and with kids, it's just so nice harder. Any tips?

The reason I did not answer is because it is too long of a story for a DCUM post.

The short version is Year 1-7 was great 1-5 was dating.
We had kids - huge stress trigger.
I find out my H suffers from anxiety... GAD which was not apparent until we had kids.
Year 11: He becomes self destructive... (affair)
Okay, in sickness and healthy, we get counseling.
I continue therapy for 3 years, he quits because I am apparently the broken one. He can control his controlling for months at a time, but he "falls off the wagon" and becomes controlling for months at a time. (If you picture yelling and screaming that is incorrect, he just wanted thing a certain way and would let me know I was wrong about 5 times a day. I was very good at ignoring it.)
Year 20: He becomes self destructive again (affair) so I ask for a divorce.
In therapy he realizes he was a victim of childhood trauma, probably has PTSD and has for about 40 years without therapy. Having kids triggered something he could not cope with but he hid it so well, except being controlling.
Back to in sickness and health.

People in controlling relationships often stay in those relationships because they are in denial/enabling-- so they may not be aware of it -- thinking their life is "normal" (frog in a frying pan, etc.) -- and thus not replying..... Just a hunch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^The lack of response indicates that DCUM is highly misogynistic and would rather laugh than acknowledge that women being in controlling and/or abusive relationships is shockingly common.

Serious questions - but aren't the majority of folks posting here are women? Men seem to be often viciously derided and beat down here (apart from a couple of knuckle-draggers who just troll some of the posts)

Um, I think you must be reading different posts than me. I see plenty of misogyny on here, blaming women, putting marriage/child responsibilities on the part solely of women.

I wish it was only women, but sadly many men have found this place and love nothing more than to insult women on here. Or troll the relationship forum. It's unfortunate.

Anonymous wrote:^The lack of response indicates that DCUM is highly misogynistic and would rather laugh than acknowledge that women being in controlling and/or abusive relationships is shockingly common.

Serious questions - but aren't the majority of folks posting here are women? Men seem to be often viciously derided and beat down here (apart from a couple of knuckle-draggers who just troll some of the posts)

^The lack of response indicates that DCUM is highly misogynistic and would rather laugh than acknowledge that women being in controlling and/or abusive relationships is shockingly common.

does the lack of responses indicate that the reverse is more often true?

Once I learned not to enable him things got much better. I do what I think is right and he deals with it. Don't play his game.

I'm happily married to a controlling husband! May sound counter-intuitive, but I've learned "not to engage" when he gets controlling and just do my own thing - he's a "trainable" controlling person and I've had to not give him positive feedback on his controlling tendencies, which has worked to train him. We have a secret word when he starts to get controlling to "snap him" out of it.

The controlling part can be fun in bed though....

After 28 years of being micromanaged I finally had the guts to leave. The divorce process sucks but I haven't regretted it for a moment. That's my story.

It all started by back in 1972. I was my parents first child, soon after they graduated from college.

More tomorrow.

Whenever I take off my foil hat my DH - who is a Martin from the planet Mars - controls me and makes me do sex things with him.

Does it get you hot? Like 50 Shades?

What story?

Please share your story.