I'm 40.

You never know what someone else is going through. People can be carrying intense grief and going through terrible tragedies and you'll never see it. Be kind.

The urge to judge and put others down comes from deep insecurities and a need to prove yourself. It is truly liberating to get past that.

Take care of yourself. It all comes back to haunt you as you age.

You're the only one who can live your life. Don't care what anyone thinks of you and don't live to please others.

You can be your own parent. Talk to yourself with love and kindness, as you would to a little child.

Don't bring more negativity into the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One life lesson is that is am a lousy parent and should have not had children My ds is depressed and failing at school. he has no friends. Never had a girlfriend and is very lonely. He is on Zoloft which helps with the negative thoughts he cannot control Now it is the stress of being around me his parent that he can't handle he thinks we are always disappointed and he should just stay away

I have done everything I could for him. And it just has not mattered. He was ostracized in middle school and picked on in high school and the few friends he had abandoned him junior year. Would tell him to meet at movie at mall and never show up
Now social media is such a negative impact. He is a loser online and no on will take chance and make a friend

I am a failure at the most important thing in my life

I am sorry you and he are going through this.

Yes, PP, I too am so sorry to read that you and your DS are struggling so much. Rest assured that the love you feel for him means a lot, and kids who have been through similar circumstances can persevere and do ok. I am one of those kids and I made it through. All the best to you.

Anonymous wrote:One life lesson is that is am a lousy parent and should have not had children My ds is depressed and failing at school. he has no friends. Never had a girlfriend and is very lonely. He is on Zoloft which helps with the negative thoughts he cannot control Now it is the stress of being around me his parent that he can't handle he thinks we are always disappointed and he should just stay away

I have done everything I could for him. And it just has not mattered. He was ostracized in middle school and picked on in high school and the few friends he had abandoned him junior year. Would tell him to meet at movie at mall and never show up
Now social media is such a negative impact. He is a loser online and no on will take chance and make a friend

I am a failure at the most important thing in my life

I am sorry you and he are going through this.

I have learned that no one has yet to find a cure for death.

I am female, age 56. The three smartest decisions I have made in my life are:
1. Joining the military.
2. Practicing birth control.
3. Joining Al-Anon.

I suppose each of those warrants an explanation.

Joining the military got me away from my dysfunctional upbringing and took me to a better station in life.

Practicing birth control because otherwise I would be like that 19 kids and counting lady. Birth control was kind of a new thing back when I was growing up in the 60s. There were so many families that had four and five kids whom I attended school with. Birth control has just revolutionized the options for life paths for women. What a great invention!

Al-Anon because of my dysfunctional upbringing. And as a young adult I continued the dysfunctional pattern that was "normal" to me. At age 20 I met this guy with a half gallon decanter of whiskey in his hand. My heart went pit-a-pat. Married him. He is in my living room right now. Eventually life got crazy enough that we both were desperate to learn a better way of living. He has a couple decades of sobriety and is active in AA. I have a couple decades in Al-Anon. We both sponsor people, chair meetings, all that stuff. In Al-Anon I have found the role modeling to learn how to live life better. The "parenting" I always wanted. Its like cheap therapy but I don't have to fill out insurance forms, the hours are more convenient, and I can keep attending meetings for the rest of my life. Which is my plan.

Anonymous wrote:Love and loyalty will get you through many hard times.
Keep firm boundaries with family, friends, and also your children.
During rough times, just keep pushing yourself, things will get better. (it's ok to cry and feel sorry for yourself, just set a time limit)
Look for the positive in every situation.
Take care of yourself first.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.

+1

All you need to know is this. People are poseurs because they are frustrated with the reality of their sucky life. They resort to whining and complaining as a way of life, because they are helpless day to day. They have no power. They control nothing. Not your problem. Step over people lie this, move onward and upward.

Success is indeed the best revenge.

Love and loyalty will get you through many hard times.
Keep firm boundaries with family, friends, and also your children.
During rough times, just keep pushing yourself, things will get better. (it's ok to cry and feel sorry for yourself, just set a time limit)
Look for the positive in every situation.
Take care of yourself first.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Stop beating yourself up..this is what I have learned. Do your best and then let it go.

you never know when things are going bad...you know, that day when the doctor says "There is a mass on your ....you have to take care of it".

Live each day as if it were a gift.

One life lesson is that is am a lousy parent and should have not had children My ds is depressed and failing at school. he has no friends. Never had a girlfriend and is very lonely. He is on Zoloft which helps with the negative thoughts he cannot control Now it is the stress of being around me his parent that he can't handle he thinks we are always disappointed and he should just stay away

I have done everything I could for him. And it just has not mattered. He was ostracized in middle school and picked on in high school and the few friends he had abandoned him junior year. Would tell him to meet at movie at mall and never show up
Now social media is such a negative impact. He is a loser online and no on will take chance and make a friend

I am a failure at the most important thing in my life

I'm over 50 and have made plenty of mistakes but the best thing I have learned is to not question making mistakes. The lessons about myself and others I learned were invaluable. Like how resilient and creative I am. Or who really loves me as opposed to who just said they did. Mistakes give you a clarity of mind that you can bank on to foresee the future and help you avoid disaster. It gives you humility that helps you empathize with someone else who is struggling to make good decisions without the benefit of support. The purpose of life is not to be happy but to survive. Those moments of happiness are like spectacular sunsets; so painfully beautiful you want to in code them into your dna but the moment they fade so too does the memory. You would have none of the positives in your life without those negatives. If you had made better choices some doors would have opened for you but some would have closed and it would be a mistake to think that would not have cost you as well.

Don't stay in a sexless miserable marriage for the kids. Life is too short and they know you are miserable anyway.

Take better care of your teeth.

How old are you? And name some of your life lessons that you wish you could have let your younger self in on.

I am 33 years old, and I realize that I've learned so much about life since 25, so I've been sitting here wondering what life lessons I will learn by 40, 50, 60++. Some of them take the form of regrets, other are bullets dodged. I only wish the older me could tell the me now some of the life lessons I'll learn. I know the experience of it all is much different, but I made one set of mistakes/had experiences, my parents made different sets of mistakes/had experiences. I'm sure other people made different mistakes/had different experiences that maybe the rest of us could glean something from.