I was 44 when my mom died unexpectedly at 65 last year. My father is still alive, he will be 70 this year. I still have living grandparents.

My husband's dad died when he was a teen (his siblings are 9 and 10 years older than him) and his mom when he was 36.

I was 48 when my mom died very suddenly of a pulmonary embolism. She basically dropped dead in the living room while my dad went to get a glass of water. My dad is still going strong and living independently at 80.

FIL died at 88 when DH was 55. He had Alzheimer's and was first in memory care assisted living for about 1.5 yrs and then hospice care for about 3 months before he died. MIL is in assisted living and in good health at 86.

Anonymous wrote:I was 31 when I lost my dad (he was 62 - heart attack) and I was 46 when I lost my mom (she was 76 - cancer). What has been the lasting impact? It puts a perspective on work/life balance. My dad never made it to retirement. Sure, he loved his work, but he also had big plans for him and mom for when he stopped. They never got to do those things. Sadness that dad never knew my son. He would have been a fantastic grandad. Mom was an amazing grandmother: she worshipped her first-born grandchild and my sister's kids after that. So that's why I find it particularly hurtful that my ILs are so indifferent towards my son and make so little effort with him (a birthday card would be nice).

Wow. This is almost exactly my story, except parents were divorced and my mom did not live to meet her only grandson. (He's due in August.) My inlaws are aluve but will not be a part of his life. It makes me very sad. I had wonderful grandparents.

I was 31 when I lost my dad (he was 62 - heart attack) and I was 46 when I lost my mom (she was 76 - cancer). What has been the lasting impact? It puts a perspective on work/life balance. My dad never made it to retirement. Sure, he loved his work, but he also had big plans for him and mom for when he stopped. They never got to do those things. Sadness that dad never knew my son. He would have been a fantastic grandad. Mom was an amazing grandmother: she worshipped her first-born grandchild and my sister's kids after that. So that's why I find it particularly hurtful that my ILs are so indifferent towards my son and make so little effort with him (a birthday card would be nice).

Dad 34 (he was 61)
Mom 48 (she was 78)

My dad died when I was 11. My mom when I was 21.

I'm known for my worst case scenario thinking and need to have a plan a, plan b and plan c for pretty much everything in life.

I'm a realist, have a way too thick wall that I keep up and I keep most friends close but not too close.

I married relatively young (24) and had kids right away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH lost him mom at 22 and his dad at 26. More importantly his mom was 40 and his dad was fifty when they died.

It changes how you view life. He's not big on saving for retirement and always wants to do what he wants now. Trip to Hawaii-- yep. Buy a new car-- yep. His philosophy is that you might not be here tomorrow.

How did they die, so young? I have the same question of other posters.

His mom was dx was cancer and died about 6 months later. His dad had a heart attack.

Anonymous wrote:DH lost him mom at 22 and his dad at 26. More importantly his mom was 40 and his dad was fifty when they died.

It changes how you view life. He's not big on saving for retirement and always wants to do what he wants now. Trip to Hawaii-- yep. Buy a new car-- yep. His philosophy is that you might not be here tomorrow.

How did they die, so young? I have the same question of other posters.

My parents died when I was still an adolescent in her 40s. They lived to see me married (and divorced) and a mother, but died before I truly grew up. In some ways this simply wouldn't have been possible with them still around. It grieves me, and to say it's been tough would be an understatement. So much of my "adulthood" (those years) was wrapped around their care. I remained a dutiful daughter right up until the moment I became the matriarch. It was a huge adjustment. Being an older mom, I always had a sense about getting my children independent way before I was. I was already committed to the idea of them truly living their own lives in college and beyond. But, now, with the losses and how much my life was turned upside down by them, I am completely dedicated to this idea of independence. I want my children to have me around when taking risks and launching out on their own. I will happily watch from the sidelines. I will not tie them to me the way my parents did.

Whoa. How's that for a smack on honesty in the middle of the day?! We never had any extended family. Being as alone as I am now (with two young babies) has been the hardest thing I've ever done. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

DH lost him mom at 22 and his dad at 26. More importantly his mom was 40 and his dad was fifty when they died.

It changes how you view life. He's not big on saving for retirement and always wants to do what he wants now. Trip to Hawaii-- yep. Buy a new car-- yep. His philosophy is that you might not be here tomorrow.

I am 40 and both parents are still alive. My grandfather (mom's dad) is 91 and also still alive. My grandmother (mom's mom) died about 1.5 years ago, in her late 80s. My Dad's parents died within the last decade in their 80's. I also knew 3 of my great grandparents, all on my mom's side.

My husband's mom died about 10 years ago, in her mid 60s. His Dad is still alive. My husband is 46.

My dad died when I was 34 and my mom died when I was 40.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was 9 when her Dad died in his late 40's and she was 14 when her mom died in her late 30's. She went to live with her paternal grandmother who died at 79 when my mother was 16. - With the back drop of the Great Depression and WWII.

My mother lived to 84.

Her experience colored my whole life. Live now. Do things now. take advantage of what you have and appreciate what you have and don't wish your life away (like saying I wish it were Friday).

I will add, she did tons of stuff in her 20's before she married in her 30's and had her two children at 35 and 36.

My mom was 9 when her Dad died in his late 40's and she was 14 when her mom died in her late 30's. She went to live with her paternal grandmother who died at 79 when my mother was 16. - With the back drop of the Great Depression and WWII.

My mother lived to 84.

Her experience colored my whole life. Live now. Do things now. take advantage of what you have and appreciate what you have and don't wish your life away (like saying I wish it were Friday).

And how has it influenced your outlook on life/family planning/ self-care etc.?

I was 24 when my mom died (at 58) and 35 when I lost my dad (as 72). Both lived healthy life styles, but were no match for metastatic cancer.
While I feel lucky I made it to adulthood with both of them, I feel very cheated when so few of my friends have yet had to deal with the loss of a parent.

Losing my mom young probably contributed to my choice to have children relatively early for my social circle. It has also made me really value my siblings.
Surprisingly, it has not made me as good as I should be about getting regular cancer screenings, though luckily I have a husband who nags me until I do. I thinks that's because of both fear and denial.