I've got to wonder how imbalanced your sister is for wanting to be with someone like this in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:Without treatment, and by that I mean intensive work to repair core damage, it's not possible to have a healthy family life.

Your sibling needs help to understand what this disorder is, and to understand what issues he/she has that draw him/her to someone with this disorder, especially as it affects the kids.

+1 to the whole post, but bolded is especially important IME.... for the sibling's and kid's sake.

Without treatment, and by that I mean intensive work to repair core damage, it's not possible to have a healthy family life.

Your sibling needs help to understand what this disorder is, and to understand what issues he/she has that draw him/her to someone with this disorder, especially as it affects the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely NOT possible. Chaos and conflict are the primary character traits.

Your sibling is fooling herself, and you can already observe, she is hurting her children. She must put her children first and get rid of this guy.

You don't know what you are talking about. In the situation described? No because the guy is in denial.

But your blanket statement is both offense, wrong, and lacking knowledge.

Absolutely NOT possible. Chaos and conflict are the primary character traits.

Your sibling is fooling herself, and you can already observe, she is hurting her children. She must put her children first and get rid of this guy.

If your sister is in denial and the SO is not getting treatment for BPD then impossible. My FIL has BPD and he will never seek treatment. MIL has given up. DH grew up really messed up because he and his mother only knew how to enable his father's behavior. After counseling, DH decided to cut off contact with both his parents. MIL has decided to continue to play victim and enabler for the rest of FIL's life (or hers).

Yes. IF it is being regularly treated ALL the time. The issue is that many people don't or won't seek or stick with treatment. The highs and lows DO tend to improve with age. Studies have shown that if people don't kill themselves by their 30s they can generally live a fairly normal life. But again, with treatment and acceptance.

People with BPD sow chaos wherever they go. They can't help it.

My MIL is borderline (mildly if that's possible?). Her relationships are very rocky - lots of ups and downs OR the other in the relationship just gives and gives and gives. It's usually a very one sided relationship

My MIL does, and it's pretty bad. My sister has a friend who was diagnosed and actually received treatment. Apparently she's doing much better since she was treated, but there are still difficulties. Her willingness to be treated is unusual though - most people with BPD simply don't recognize there's a problem.

I hate to say this but I hope your sister loses custody if she does not come to her senses. She is putting a mentally ill romantic partner ahead of her kids. Maybe she needs mental help as well.

In my experience, yes. It's possible.

It is VERY difficult. You need an accepting "normal" partner who thoroughly understands this disorder. The person suffering BPD MUST accept the diagnosis. Both need to accept that this is incurable (though treatable) and will require varying degrees of work for life. You absolutely, positively, no questions asked or exceptions made have a therapist who is very well-versed in treating BPD. It is not something that every or any therapist can or will treat.

That said, it's worth it. When a BPD can consistently channel that function in a positive direction, they are amazing, kind, caring and warm people.

IME, not possible. My mother has a BPD and she has horrible relationships with everyone in her life.

Sounds awful, but what can you do?

My sibling is engaged to someone with this diagnosis, and the sibling's and the nieces' and nephews' lives have been absolute chaos since this relationship began. It's to the point I think my sibling is in danger of losing custody. But sibling keeps swearing all is fine, the kids are making everything up and are trying to manipulate everyone else.

I just can't see how this could be healthy and I think sibling is fooling themselves.