Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll add this too, OP: this is why people need to zip about pushing people to have children. In the vein of your first sentence "we have to get my older sister"...

A woman's reproductive state is never anyone else's business, even though we live in a Facebook /IG world. Some women are private and prefer to deal with things in their own way.

We have been helpfully told by friends and family how great of parent ps we would be, how we're getting older, etc. Etc. It's horrifying how much people think they should know about my uterine health.

- signed someone exactly like your sister

Yup. Any chance your mom let this slip because maybe you needed to quietly hear that message about sis?

I too was thinking that it was a hint on your mom's part for you to start reining in your comments about grandchildren, etc. I don't think you have to do anything with the info except use it to be very sensitive about your comments about how wonderful kids are/benefits of multiple kids/ whatever in general. Often we don't even think about how innocently hurtful it can be to someone not able to conceive or suffering a loss.

+1
Much like never commenting about a woman's being pregnant unless she tells you, best not to make remarks about people's plans or efforts to have kids unless they have initiated the discussion.

Aside from the fact that it's none of your business, you never, never know.

Anonymous wrote:I'll add this too, OP: this is why people need to zip about pushing people to have children. In the vein of your first sentence "we have to get my older sister"...

A woman's reproductive state is never anyone else's business, even though we live in a Facebook /IG world. Some women are private and prefer to deal with things in their own way.

We have been helpfully told by friends and family how great of parent ps we would be, how we're getting older, etc. Etc. It's horrifying how much people think they should know about my uterine health.

- signed someone exactly like your sister

Yup. Any chance your mom let this slip because maybe you needed to quietly hear that message about sis?

I agree with don't say anything but use the info to be more sensitive towards her.

I lost a pregnancy too and my mom doesn't know. My sister knows only because the day it happened she accidentally walked in on me in tears. It's not information I shared with ANYONE at the time.

Don't complain to her about your kids or how tired you are, don't go on and on about other family pregnancies with her, and don't say things like "I guess you're going to be next" (which was said to me many times when I miscarried and a family member has JUST had a baby)

I'll add this too, OP: this is why people need to zip about pushing people to have children. In the vein of your first sentence "we have to get my older sister"...

A woman's reproductive state is never anyone else's business, even though we live in a Facebook /IG world. Some women are private and prefer to deal with things in their own way.

We have been helpfully told by friends and family how great of parent ps we would be, how we're getting older, etc. Etc. It's horrifying how much people think they should know about my uterine health.

- signed someone exactly like your sister

Another for say nothing. The whole reason people wait until the 2nd trimester to tell is to avoid having to have the follow-up conversations about the miscarriage. No one wants to have them.

Plus, this was a year ago. Hopefully you sister found the support she wanted at the time - just be available and caring as a sister generally.

Anonymous wrote:Don't say anything, but be sensitive as to not asking when she will have a baby.

Thanks. I actually never ask anyone about this unless they bring it up first but now I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if I was ever insensitive last year (we must have been pregnant at the same time). Not trying to make it about me, though, so I won't say anything now.

Ok thanks PPs. I won't say anything.

Say nothing. To some people a miscarriage isn't a huge deal. My mom had several and I just approached baby making assuming I'd also have a few false starts before one stuck. I wasn't devestated or anything by them. And I didn't want to talk about them beyond with my dr and husband. Let her be.

No, don't say anything. If she does find out, explain you considered her need for privacy and said nothing, believing you behaved as she would wish.

Don't say anything, but be sensitive as to not asking when she will have a baby.

My older sister is a very private person. I have two small children, and just found out my brother's wife is expecting. I was talking to my mom on the phone about how soon their place would be crawling with grandchildren, and that we just have to get my older sister to start trying, too. I said, I'm sure we won't know that she's even pregnant until the baby's born, bc she is so private. And my mom said, especially after losing the baby.

Apparently my sister had a miscarriage last year. My mom didn't find out until a few months ago.

I feel terrible. First, my mom shouldn't have told me. And, now that she did tell me, I don't know what to do with this information. As I mentioned, sister is very private and she clearly didn't want me to know. But, if I don't say anyone and she finds out that I did know, she might get offended.

What would you do in this situation. I feel terrible and want to offer her my sympathy but I also don't want to start anything that would offend her or make her feel bad.