One of the kids at our synagogue had a movie night with pizza and friends while grownups hung out together to eat and chat.

Sorry, posted too soon, the majority of the time, all of the kids including the Bar Mitzvah child actually hung out in the video game truck and just came out for some lunch and one or two songs. Family got to socialize, child was happy, and it all worked out. Maybe start with what would make your son happy and figure out if you can incorporate it in a way that can work for everyone.

One thing my friend did was get a video game truck for the party. She also only had a few friends and cousins- I believe it was 12 children.

For different reasons than your son, I had a small reception after my bat mitzvah. Instead of it being at a country club with a band or DJ, and tons of entertainment, my reception was a lunch at a fancy steakhouse.

We were given a private room. The one thing I didn't like when we looked at the place was that the lights were too dim, so they turned them up for me. We did dance the hora in an impromptu way after the candle-lighting (where the candle was wrapped in tinfoil to catch hot wax drips bc I was scared of fire) but no chair. There were maybe 70 people, rather than the 220 my brother had at his. No band - but there was restaurant music quietly piped in that they always did. No dancing except at the very beginning.

There were party favors for each kid. All the kids (30?) sat at one table together. There was a photographer. There were flowers (maybe balloons? can't remember).

Just start with a guest list, then pick a location, and go from there.

What did his birthday party last year look like? Where did you have it? What did the kids do?

Agree that the service will be meaningful and know how to handle the sensory issues there. But am talking about after the service. My family typically does lunch with music, hora, chair raising, etc. Child wants party, but no music. He'll have some kids, but likely not an excessive number. So, really want someone to help me handle details for family gathering that will feel like a happy, safe celebration for him while also accommodating a family gathering.

Usually at parties, including his brother's celebration, he goes off and hides in a quiet corner somewhere.

Can you explain more? You are looking for a sensory friendly party?

The celebration will occur at shul with your family and friends. Your rabbi should be able to help you navigate any ASD obstacles that you think you'll encounter. With your becoming a bar mitzvah, it is meaningful celebration.

We've been brainstorming various options to match his personality and sensory issues and still celebrate in some family meaningful way. Do any of you have any recommendations, including planners who you've used who "get" this situation?

Tx.