Anonymous wrote:DH cooks. We each buy our own things. Our coffee maker makes our coffee. Sigh.

and washing machine does the laundry so that shouldn't count as a chore you expect the husband to do either...
and the dish washer washes the dishes.....

My mere existence spoils DW. She's so lucky to have me near.

Anonymous wrote:Spoiled is a negative, right? "to diminish or destroy the value or quality of" or "harm the character of by being too lenient or indulgent."

So, no. I treat her well though. She treats me well too.

To the larger point, I don't think women are somehow lesser or distinct from men such that they have to be put on a pedestal and coddled in a way that men do not.

Exactly. "Spoiling" is also reminiscent of child-raising. Which in the context of a marriage of presumed equals is gross.

"How do you treat your partner kindly?" might be a better way to phrase the question.

Anonymous wrote:alternately, how CAN I spoil/care for my DH? He hasn't really been able to articulate what he wants/needs.

I could go into great detail, but the thread would be moved to explicit.

alternately, how CAN I spoil/care for my DH? He hasn't really been able to articulate what he wants/needs.

Spoiled is a negative, right? "to diminish or destroy the value or quality of" or "harm the character of by being too lenient or indulgent."

So, no. I treat her well though. She treats me well too.

To the larger point, I don't think women are somehow lesser or distinct from men such that they have to be put on a pedestal and coddled in a way that men do not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is cooking, making coffee, buying things spoiling?

Is it not spoiling your wife when you cook her dinner most nights?

No, DH and I do not consider that spoiling. Sure, it is doing something nice for the person that you love, but that is not the same as spoiling.

Anonymous wrote:How is cooking, making coffee, buying things spoiling?

Lol +1

Anonymous wrote:How is cooking, making coffee, buying things spoiling?

Is it not spoiling your wife when you cook her dinner most nights?

Anonymous wrote:DH cooks. We each buy our own things. Our coffee maker makes our coffee. Sigh.

Says the woman who never makes the damn coffee.

Well we do all those things for each other. I wouldn't really call making coffee or cooking spoiling though. More like being considerate unless they have to go out of their way to do it.

And I do buy her expensive things sometimes, but I know she appreciates it more when I buy her something that shows that I paid attention to something she told me.

But mostly, we both will go out of our ways to do something for the other person. She works nights and on her weekends off if she finds half asleep in bed playing with DS she will take him downstairs and play with him/ cook us all breakfast instead of telling me to get out of bed so she can go to bed.

DH cooks. We each buy our own things. Our coffee maker makes our coffee. Sigh.

How is cooking, making coffee, buying things spoiling?

My husband does all of the above. i do the same for him too.

If so, how? Do you cook for her? Make her coffee? Buy her expensive things etc?