Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.

This exactly. Saying it directly to the SIL would have been a problem. Saying it to her DH was just fine. DH is missing a "social cue chip" to relay that to his sister. DH owes both of them an apology.

Op, if you think apologizing to your SIL would help, you could tell her you were speaking generally, and based on the personal experiences of your friends. She's probably upset because she knows it could be true.

She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.

OP, you remind me of reality tv stars who complain that they got the "bitch edit" or they were the victims of editing.

You said what you said. It was not nice, it was not supportive, and it was already obvious to this couple. It was not something you say when you hope for the best for them.

Your husband relayed the comment, that is unfortunate. BUT YOU SAID IT. Own it.

It's not your place to decide what your husband shares or doesn't share with his sister. It's their relationship. Your post is really about what she shared with him and your displaced feelings of anger, jealousy, and discomfort.

You say you "pointed out" that she will likely have fertility issues. My god. How thoughtless and mean. And how unnecessary. Do you think she lives in an alternate reality where women of 40 don't realize their chances of conception? Why was it your place to "school" her on her chances of conception? And why the grotesque assumption that she did not know the basics of fertility? Are you the only person on earth who does? Maybe she's trying to conceive anyway.

You sound like a real piece of work. You are clearly jealous of your husband's relationship with his sister, and you seem like the clear shit-stirrer in this situation. When she does get pregnant and have a baby, please try not to impede and upset the relationship with your bulletins about birth defects and other ugly advice.

Thanks PPs. I don't think he is a shit stirrer, but he certainly doesn't have a filter. I don't speak with her directly, so I'm not sure the appropriate apology if one at all. Our fertility discussion was about ourselves as much as her. He has virtually no understanding that fertility declines quickly with age. Agree with PP that I've know people late 30s that get pregnant quickly and easily, but I also know people that had severe fertility issues and ones that never had kids.

there was absolutely zero good reason for telling her this. it made you seem callous when you probably were just trying to have a realistic (and private) conversation with your DH. I think you need to explain to him that he should check in with you before he shares if he is this obtuse. On a side note, I think actually many women in their late 30s and early 40s have a very easy time getting pregnant but we do hear a lot about those who are going through fertility treatments at that age.

I had my 1st dc at 38 conceived on first attempt (know this because only had sex once before taking pregnancy test to see if it worked first time) and 2nd at 41 (conceived within 5 months bc period wasn't regular from weaning after year of nursing). Point is you can conceive without fertility treatments even at 40+.

It was smart advice and he was not wrong in saying it. It shouldn't have attributed it to you though, since it's a touchy subject. But, as a 40+ woman, I;d be shocked if my brother didn't bring up fertility issues if I were planning on a(nother) baby.

Your husband is being stupid. If he was going to tell her about fertility problems, he should not have phrased it as "OP says you might have a hard time due to age..." but as "You may want to read up on getting pregnant - I think advanced maternal age starts at 35." And then he should not have told you. He just created drama. Is he normally a shit-stirrer in other areas of his life, or just totally clueless?

My brother is married and tells me all kinds of things. He's a meddler and I have to work hard to not get sucked in.

He's a dumbass for telling her that.

Anonymous wrote:I am female and share EVERYTHING with my sister. Do you think it feels akward because he is close to a female and somehow that is what's uncomfortable? You may want to tell DH that whatever you two talk about is between you two.

It's not really that's it is another woman, but I do feel that he is over sharing with her. I suppose two men wouldn't bother talking about such things. He also overshares with his Mom. I haven't minded because she usually gives him good advice. I do mind when people get angry or offended.

Anonymous wrote:When did you first become aware of this?

Just now, in his explaination for why she is angry. She lives on the other side of the world and I personally hear them talk very little so I was unaware.

When did you first become aware of this?

I am female and share EVERYTHING with my sister. Do you think it feels akward because he is close to a female and somehow that is what's uncomfortable? You may want to tell DH that whatever you two talk about is between you two.

I'm not an intensely private person, but my husband overshares with his sister. For the most part it doesn't matter. Recently she's engaged to get married and shared with him that at 40+ they will begin trying to have a baby. I pointed out to him that a woman at that age will likely have to do fertility treatments. Apparently he passes this message on to her and she gets angry at me. How neither of them know the basics of fertility is beyond me, but really my husband threw me under the bus. How would you discuss appropriate and inappropriate sharing with his sister?