I'd probably lay low for a while and if they notice, say what you said here. They say hurtful things and staying away is self protection. Hope their baby doesn't inherit psoriasis- they won't know how to deal.

This is the first four months with their first baby? You can't take it so personally, OP. That time period can be really intense, and couples react to that differently. Seeing them four times during that time frame is well within the range of normal (how often did you them prior to the baby's birth?).

Wanting to have grandparents nearby says nothing about how they feel about you.

Hiring a babysitter instead of asking you also says nothing about how they feel about you.

I think you're letting their insensitive comments about the psoriasis cloud the issue. They have to figure out what works for them as parents. I say this both as a mom of young children and someone with psoriasis.

You know sometimes you just have to give people little space. Stop throwing your self at them and wait till they come to you.

Sorry OP. It is their loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of what you've described, I think the most hurtful part is that he's basically saying you barely count as family. When he complains that his child won't grow up with family nearby, he's completely ignoring your existence.

That's worse than thinking skin flakes might go in baby's mouth - which by the way, I'm sure you've offered to wear full sleeves while holding the baby? I had a roommate with psoriasis and the flakes can get all over.

I always wear long sleeves around them, but it's in my scalp too.

I'm sorry OP. That's really hard and I'd be really hurt too. Growing up, I always had this image of what it'd be like when I started having kids and when my siblings started having kids - and how we'd be as uncles & aunts. That hasn't panned out and it hurts sometimes. But for every person who's let me down, there's been another who really stepped up in ways I didn't expect at all - I hope you have some pleasant surprises counterbalancing this situation with your brother.

In the meantime, keep trying to have a relationship with your niece. She'll remember that you did.

Anonymous wrote:Of what you've described, I think the most hurtful part is that he's basically saying you barely count as family. When he complains that his child won't grow up with family nearby, he's completely ignoring your existence.

That's worse than thinking skin flakes might go in baby's mouth - which by the way, I'm sure you've offered to wear full sleeves while holding the baby? I had a roommate with psoriasis and the flakes can get all over.

I always wear long sleeves around them, but it's in my scalp too.

Of what you've described, I think the most hurtful part is that he's basically saying you barely count as family. When he complains that his child won't grow up with family nearby, he's completely ignoring your existence.

That's worse than thinking skin flakes might go in baby's mouth - which by the way, I'm sure you've offered to wear full sleeves while holding the baby? I had a roommate with psoriasis and the flakes can get all over.

(sent too soon)
**want a relationship with the baby

Agree your brother sounds like an ass. He probably wants to pay someone so he can treat them like the help.

Just call often and keep asking to babysit. "X movie is out this weekend, why don't you and Wife go see it? I'll babysit." you're going to have to deal with his BS if you want a

Your brother sounds like an ass.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt OP. But are you that surprised by what your brother did? He doesn't sound like a great guy. When he complains of not having family nearby I don't think that's a hint for you to come around more, I think it's just him being a complainer. If you lower your expectations of him, your feelings will not be so hurt. It's tough, I know!

OP, I don't understand why you would want to foster a relationship with people who "don't think much" of you. You need to surround yourself with people who care about you. Being hurt that your asshole relatives declined your free labor is strange. You need to learn to respect yourself more. People tend to be afraid of unsightly conditions even if they know psoriasis is not contagious. But man, there's got to be a saner way to approach a situation like this. Please don't excuse this behavior, because it is completely unacceptable.

I'm sorry OP. I agree with PP on many points.

And it sounds a lot like my brother who's completely self-centered and who has severe anxiety. When he had a kid he became super controlling. I've learned to not take it personally, although it's hard, I know.

When you feel less hurt, maybe you could explicitly offer to babysit. Maybe it didn't occur to them. But you'd have to be prepared for his being a jerk again about psoriasis. Personally, I would try just because I think it's important to foster a relationship with my nephew. I do that still, 15 years into it, with my idiot brother. Hang in there.

There are a couple of factors here.

It's not appropriate for them to reject you because of your psoriasis. Ever. If they tell you that you can't be with the baby because of psoriasis, ask them to confirm that with their pediatrician.

I also think, however, you need to consider that one visit a month for a newborn may be all they can handle, and that as new parents they may feel that a professional is better suited to handle their child. They may be nervous that way for other reasons than your psoriasis and your financial condition. New parents are often extremely anxious. This isn't all about you. Please don't read so much into every situation.

Finally, even if you were seeing the baby every single day, your brother might still be sad that the baby didn't have a big family. Both things might be true.

My brother and his wife had a baby four months ago. We live in the same city, and my brother has made many comments about how sad he is to not have a lot of family around for the baby, that he doesn't feel like he has grandparents he can count on to have close relationships with her, etc. I've seen the baby approximately once a month. He and his wife are fancy schmancy and I am poor and they don't think much of me. I also have severe psoriasis that despite doctors, haven't been able to get under control and my brother told me his wife and he are grossed out by this (I posted about this a couple of months ago) and they were worried skin would flake off and go in the baby's mouth or something. I have seen the baby once since then but only when my brother was there (just worked out that way).

It came to my attention that they went out to dinner for the first time Friday night without the baby. I am really hurt they didn't ask me to babysit. My brother knows I have tons of experience babysitting and offered to watch her. And not that this is the deciding factor but it hurts they'd rather PAY someone to babysit than have the baby's aunt do it for free. Please talk me down. I have to see them next week.

I feel really jerked around. Because my brother will tell me all these things like why they're grossed out by me, and then will complain on the phone to me that he's sad the baby doesn't have a lot of relatives in her life. Well, when you tell someone you're grossed out by them, what the hell do you expect?