Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 13:57     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give him time. And start when you are alone together. Not in public. This would be like expecting you to speak Chinese in public in front of native speakers. Possibly very embarrassing for you and you would need a lot of encouragement. Spoken English is not the same as signed English. Different grammar, different rules.


Deaf pp here. No, this isn't it. I mean, you're correct about syntax, etc. But someone who's been mocked for "deaf voice" and is reluctant to use it should not be "encouraged" to do so. This is an intense matter of personal preference -- it's not something to be "fixed" or coaxed out of like some Hallmark movie. Just respect it and figure out how to communicate effectively. Most likely that means she learns to sign.

This is not at all like being asked to speak Chinese in front of native speakers. Someone learning Chinese eventually WANTS to be able to interact and converse in that language. This man most likely has no interest in it whatsoever.


NP. I'm sorry, but why is "he gets to keep his preferences and she has to learn sign" OK in this situation? Shouldn't BOTH parties be trying their best to communicate with one another, including him working on his aversion to verbal communication while she works to learn ASL?


It's a deaf culture issue. OP, you should start reading up on deaf culture if you think this may be serious. People can really step in it otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 13:47     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give him time. And start when you are alone together. Not in public. This would be like expecting you to speak Chinese in public in front of native speakers. Possibly very embarrassing for you and you would need a lot of encouragement. Spoken English is not the same as signed English. Different grammar, different rules.


Deaf pp here. No, this isn't it. I mean, you're correct about syntax, etc. But someone who's been mocked for "deaf voice" and is reluctant to use it should not be "encouraged" to do so. This is an intense matter of personal preference -- it's not something to be "fixed" or coaxed out of like some Hallmark movie. Just respect it and figure out how to communicate effectively. Most likely that means she learns to sign.

This is not at all like being asked to speak Chinese in front of native speakers. Someone learning Chinese eventually WANTS to be able to interact and converse in that language. This man most likely has no interest in it whatsoever.


NP. I'm sorry, but why is "he gets to keep his preferences and she has to learn sign" OK in this situation? Shouldn't BOTH parties be trying their best to communicate with one another, including him working on his aversion to verbal communication while she works to learn ASL?
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 13:37     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's deaf. We met online, communicated by text until meeting in person, when we go out now we communicate via text or a notebook.

He can talk, but he won't use his voice with me.

I'm learning a little ASL.


So, you want him to meet you on your terms (spoken English) but are only willing to learn "a little" of his language? I cannot see how this is going to work out long term. You need to stop treating him like he has a disability that you are willing to overlook, and start treating him as someone from another cultural and linguistic tradition.


I think she means that she is starting to learn ASL. You don't learn a whole new language overnight.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 12:59     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:He's deaf. We met online, communicated by text until meeting in person, when we go out now we communicate via text or a notebook.

He can talk, but he won't use his voice with me.

I'm learning a little ASL.


So, you want him to meet you on your terms (spoken English) but are only willing to learn "a little" of his language? I cannot see how this is going to work out long term. You need to stop treating him like he has a disability that you are willing to overlook, and start treating him as someone from another cultural and linguistic tradition.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 12:46     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:Give him time. And start when you are alone together. Not in public. This would be like expecting you to speak Chinese in public in front of native speakers. Possibly very embarrassing for you and you would need a lot of encouragement. Spoken English is not the same as signed English. Different grammar, different rules.


Deaf pp here. No, this isn't it. I mean, you're correct about syntax, etc. But someone who's been mocked for "deaf voice" and is reluctant to use it should not be "encouraged" to do so. This is an intense matter of personal preference -- it's not something to be "fixed" or coaxed out of like some Hallmark movie. Just respect it and figure out how to communicate effectively. Most likely that means she learns to sign.

This is not at all like being asked to speak Chinese in front of native speakers. Someone learning Chinese eventually WANTS to be able to interact and converse in that language. This man most likely has no interest in it whatsoever.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 12:43     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks. but texting longer than that. Anyway, how do I get him to talk to me? He has told me he doesn't like his voice, people made fun of him etc.
I understand that. I just think it would be good for him and us.



I am severe to profound deaf. Don't force the voice issue. Seriously.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 12:42     Subject: Any deaf people here?
honestly i wouldn't bother dating him. It sounds like too much work for so early in a relationship. Unless you think he's the one.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 10:51     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:He's deaf. We met online, communicated by text until meeting in person, when we go out now we communicate via text or a notebook.

He can talk, but he won't use his voice with me.

I'm learning a little ASL.


Was he formerly a hearing person who lost his hearing? Or was he born deaf and has never really communicated with his voice?
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 06:48     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Do you feel like you'll be more connected if you speak verbally? He may feel more awkward. Take his lead on this.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2016 05:59     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Give him time. And start when you are alone together. Not in public. This would be like expecting you to speak Chinese in public in front of native speakers. Possibly very embarrassing for you and you would need a lot of encouragement. Spoken English is not the same as signed English. Different grammar, different rules.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2016 22:44     Subject: Any deaf people here?
He's deaf. We met online, communicated by text until meeting in person, when we go out now we communicate via text or a notebook.

He can talk, but he won't use his voice with me.

I'm learning a little ASL.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2016 22:36     Subject: Any deaf people here?
Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks. but texting longer than that. Anyway, how do I get him to talk to me? He has told me he doesn't like his voice, people made fun of him etc.
I understand that. I just think it would be good for him and us.


Take a class in sign language and learn about deaf culture:
https://www.gallaudet.edu/clerc-center/info-to-go/deaf-culture/american-deaf-culture.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/21/education/21gallaudet.html?_r=4&
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2016 22:34     Subject: Any deaf people here?
I'm confused. Is he deaf? He'd rather text than speak into a phone?
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2016 22:29     Subject: Any deaf people here?
what?
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2016 22:27     Subject: Any deaf people here?
I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks. but texting longer than that. Anyway, how do I get him to talk to me? He has told me he doesn't like his voice, people made fun of him etc.
I understand that. I just think it would be good for him and us.