Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

Why would you go four days without seeing her? Fly out the evening before the rehearsal (so you'll see her that day) or even the morning of the rehearsal day (so you'd see her that day), stay for the rehearsal day and wedding day, then fly out the next morning (so you see her that day too). Then you're only talking about not seeing her for one or two days.

Also, do you really think your stepsister would rather have none of you at the wedding than just you without the baby? The whole "SS will want to meet her" is a flimsy excuse.

When is the wedding?

I'm definitely not going without DD. Someone just commented that she could stay home with DH but she won't.

The main question is if it's tacky to decline being a bridesmaid but attending the wedding nonetheless.

Yes, yes it is. You are selfish.

-1! The Bride is being selfish.

OP, your baby comes first. The bride can ask someone else. She probably has a half a dozen attendants anyway.

Just stay home -- with baby and a vastly relieved DH, who I can guarantee you does NOT want to go to the wedding -- and save your $$$!!

Ask your DH: "honey, from your heart, do you want to go to stepsister's wedding?"

Every man on this board -- or across the DMV, possibly the planet -- will scream in unison a resounding "NO!"

Stay home. Save $$. Avoid stressing your DH and baby. Let your stepsister send you photos later.

OP here. I'm sure DH doesn't want to go (haha at your comment) but I don't mind traveling without him. We traveled during Xmas with DD and it wasn't as bad as I thought!

And I truly don't think my SS is being selfish because she said she understood. I do want to be there; just can't commit to being a bridesmaid. I think she only asked me because it would be "expected" for family to be included when in actuality, it's surprising. Even my mom was surprised!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

Why would you go four days without seeing her? Fly out the evening before the rehearsal (so you'll see her that day) or even the morning of the rehearsal day (so you'd see her that day), stay for the rehearsal day and wedding day, then fly out the next morning (so you see her that day too). Then you're only talking about not seeing her for one or two days.

Also, do you really think your stepsister would rather have none of you at the wedding than just you without the baby? The whole "SS will want to meet her" is a flimsy excuse.

When is the wedding?

I'm definitely not going without DD. Someone just commented that she could stay home with DH but she won't.

The main question is if it's tacky to decline being a bridesmaid but attending the wedding nonetheless.

Yes, yes it is. You are selfish.

-1! The Bride is being selfish.

OP, your baby comes first. The bride can ask someone else. She probably has a half a dozen attendants anyway.

Just stay home -- with baby and a vastly relieved DH, who I can guarantee you does NOT want to go to the wedding -- and save your $$$!!

Ask your DH: "honey, from your heart, do you want to go to stepsister's wedding?"

Every man on this board -- or across the DMV, possibly the planet -- will scream in unison a resounding "NO!"

Stay home. Save $$. Avoid stressing your DH and baby. Let your stepsister send you photos later.

It sounds like your step sister wants to acknowledge your family relationship, but you don't. Which is fine, but you should admit that.

I nursed until my kids were close to 3, but I still left each for an occasional long weekend when they were toddlers (including 15 months). Extended breastfeeding is awesome, but toddler can survive without it. She's not an infant.

You are looking for excuses not to go -- again, fine, but you should admit that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

Why would you go four days without seeing her? Fly out the evening before the rehearsal (so you'll see her that day) or even the morning of the rehearsal day (so you'd see her that day), stay for the rehearsal day and wedding day, then fly out the next morning (so you see her that day too). Then you're only talking about not seeing her for one or two days.

Also, do you really think your stepsister would rather have none of you at the wedding than just you without the baby? The whole "SS will want to meet her" is a flimsy excuse.

When is the wedding?

I'm definitely not going without DD. Someone just commented that she could stay home with DH but she won't.

The main question is if it's tacky to decline being a bridesmaid but attending the wedding nonetheless.

Yes, yes it is. You are selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

Why would you go four days without seeing her? Fly out the evening before the rehearsal (so you'll see her that day) or even the morning of the rehearsal day (so you'd see her that day), stay for the rehearsal day and wedding day, then fly out the next morning (so you see her that day too). Then you're only talking about not seeing her for one or two days.

Also, do you really think your stepsister would rather have none of you at the wedding than just you without the baby? The whole "SS will want to meet her" is a flimsy excuse.

When is the wedding?

I'm definitely not going without DD. Someone just commented that she could stay home with DH but she won't.

The main question is if it's tacky to decline being a bridesmaid but attending the wedding nonetheless.

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of financial commitments involved in being a bridesmaid besides just flying out to attend the wedding. You'll need to buy your dress, chip on for bachelorette party and shower (even if you don't go), probably pay for hair and makeup the day of. Tell her with the new baby, you just don't have the time/energy/money to be a bridesmaid hut you'll try your hardest to attend as a regular guest.

--Average cost of a bridesmaid's dress is $150.

--The SS may or may not have a bachelorette party. Going to a club and having some drinks isn't that expensive. Sitting around someone's living room eating quiche and opening gifts for a shower isn't either. That's what most of these things are. Chipping in $50-$100 for each is a lot less expensive then buying a plane ticket

--As far a makeup and hair the day of, sometimes it's just the make up, and if it's not in DC or NYC it will probably be a reasonable rate. My guess is that it will be less then $100.

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of financial commitments involved in being a bridesmaid besides just flying out to attend the wedding. You'll need to buy your dress, chip on for bachelorette party and shower (even if you don't go), probably pay for hair and makeup the day of. Tell her with the new baby, you just don't have the time/energy/money to be a bridesmaid hut you'll try your hardest to attend as a regular guest.

All those extras are not necessary...only if the bride is one of "those" brides.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

Why would you go four days without seeing her? Fly out the evening before the rehearsal (so you'll see her that day) or even the morning of the rehearsal day (so you'd see her that day), stay for the rehearsal day and wedding day, then fly out the next morning (so you see her that day too). Then you're only talking about not seeing her for one or two days.

Also, do you really think your stepsister would rather have none of you at the wedding than just you without the baby? The whole "SS will want to meet her" is a flimsy excuse.

When is the wedding?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

If this the wedding is months away, you may not be nursing any longer. Ask if your SS if there will be a babysitter available for guests with small children. How will your DD be by the time of the wedding?

She will be 15 months. I know it takes time to wean but damn at the rate we are going... I dunno.

Good point about the babysitter.. I will ask!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

If this the wedding is months away, you may not be nursing any longer. Ask if your SS if there will be a babysitter available for guests with small children. How will your DD be by the time of the wedding?

Your step-sister sounds like a thoughtful person who is aware of your family situation. I would just say you can't commit to being a bridesmaid because of finances and the baby, but that you will and your family will try your best to attend the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

Baby can't stay home; she can fly for free plus I will still be nursing occasionally. I see her so little as it is working full-time, I don't want to go 4 days without seeing her. Also, SS will want to meet her.

There are a lot of financial commitments involved in being a bridesmaid besides just flying out to attend the wedding. You'll need to buy your dress, chip on for bachelorette party and shower (even if you don't go), probably pay for hair and makeup the day of. Tell her with the new baby, you just don't have the time/energy/money to be a bridesmaid hut you'll try your hardest to attend as a regular guest.

The baby stays at home with your DH. You fly out just for the wedding and be a bridesmaid. You let her know that financially you won't be able to make multiple trips, but of course, being there for the wedding is the most important thing.

My stepsister, who lives in a small town across the country, has invited me to be a bridesmaid. We are not particularly close, so I was really surprised to be asked, but of course I want to be there to support her. Money is an issue, especially with a baby. We are REALLY going to try to swing it but in the off-chance flight prices do not go down, I don't want to commit this far in advance to being a bridesmaid and then having to bail.

"We would love to be there but I can't be a bridesmaid?" I feel like that sounds terrible. She already acknowledged that she understood if we couldn't come since it's so far away and we have a baby. Also, who is going to watch the baby at the wedding if my husband can't make it? That's another issue.

What is the best way to approach this?