Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't figure out you are the boss NOW, it might get worse later.

Please go back to Gen'l Parenting.

If she doesn't figure out you are the boss NOW, it might get worse later.

OP here, she started meds recently (Concerta). The hitting/kicking etc was there before meds & still seeing it in evenings. Both pediatrician & psychiatrist concur that she has self-regulation & anger/frustration management issues, among others. We plan to start CBT & social skills classes. Welcome recommendations for CBT. We have a neuropsych assessment scheduled at Children's.
Thank you to all for your suggestions & sharing your experiences.

My DS is six as well. He is one who responds best to boundaries rather than motivators. When he has any kind of "angry touch," he loses all electronic privileges for that day and the next. We tell him that if we can't trust him to not have an angry touch with someone he loves, how can we trust him with expensive items that he only likes? The clear relationship in the consequence seemed to make sense to him. Angry touches went from infrequent to nonexistent - we also simultaneously reinforced alternate strategies to deal with his annoying (to him) little sister.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you for the suggestions, relieved to know that the physical outbursts may eventually end. Will keep at it and look into the things you have mentioned.

OP, have you considered medicating? I would if she's getting so physical, especially at 6. She may be unable to regulate herself.

We are still struggling with this. I have not found Kazdin or Shapiro to help much--he cannot focus on a future reward when he is that upset.
Here's what has helped:
-- medication
-- removal from situation (you can't be around others when you are this out of control of your body. You will need to go to your room until you are calm. Go voluntRily and it will be a shorter time in your room.)
-- talking through things in advance--how much longer do you want with that toy? Okay, that's reasonable, I will set a timer. What are you going to do when the timer buzzes? Do you want a wRning when you are close to the end of your time? Etc etc.). (What if your sister knocks down your tower? What are you going to do?). You need to explicitly teach how to transition and how to deal with frustration.
-- we've also used some of the books designed for kids about anger. Seems to help but I'm not sure how much.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you for the suggestions, relieved to know that the physical outbursts may eventually end. Will keep at it and look into the things you have mentioned.

I'm the pp who said it will get better- it will, but it did not go away entirely until the past six months. My DS was a hard case- he's very emotional and impulsive. CBT therapy and intensive social skills therapy made the difference. DS is unmedicated- so therapy and maturity and calm parenting can help with this sort of thing. It's all the other ADHD symptoms that may move us toward meds.
Good luck OP.

Anonymous wrote:Would highly recommend one of dr Dan shapiros parenting your challenging child lecture series. Gives you great atrategies on how to handle these exact situations with an ADHD child.

OP here - thanks! I see there is a class starting next week and one that starts in March.

I'd like to suggest that you figure out the cues and antecedents to this behavior and work toward developing better skills for dealing with her frustration and anger. If you intervene early, you can prevent the problem through re-direction and skill development. I always figured once you reached the hitting, kicking and biting, especially if it is directed toward a parent, you have a serious problem. In addition to this, I find that keeping a very structured environment helps.

I agree with the previous responses, also, do not show her any attention when she has these behaviors. Turn the attention to person first.

Would highly recommend one of dr Dan shapiros parenting your challenging child lecture series. Gives you great atrategies on how to handle these exact situations with an ADHD child.

OP here - thank you for the suggestions, relieved to know that the physical outbursts may eventually end. Will keep at it and look into the things you have mentioned.

It's so hard. Kazdin method and CBT, techniques for calming down etc are helpful.

Yes, now we get yelling instead of hitting. It's a process.

Also check out the book What to Do When your temper flares, or have your kid check it out and do the exercises. It's based on CBT.

Yes- you may need a reward system-- stickers or points (Kazdin method). We went through this for years, off and on. Therapy and and a reward system eventually worked- also you're absolutely doing the right thing by remaining calm.
Age also helps- my DS is just nine and rarely/never physical. Most of it has turned to verbal disrespect- which is hard, but CBT is working gradually with that as well.

DD is 6 yrs old and has ADHD. When she is overly frustrated or angry, she sometimes reacts physically by hitting, kicking or biting DH, me or her siblings.
We don't spank and do our best to remain calm and either remove her or whoever is on the receiving end from the situation. Would help to hear from those who've been through similar situations about what consequences have worked and how you've managed to work through this and helped your child to stop physically reacting to frustration/anger.