This sounds really stressful, but you can do this. Once you get to the other side of these problems, you'll realize you can do ANYTHING moving forward.

1) Wife goes to doctor and gets on meds, gets a job and starts contributing to the family in a meaningful way within a month. If she doesn't want to do that, then she needs to leave since she's not a part of the family.

2) Think about how you interact with your child and put yourself in his shoes. How would you want you to treat you if you were 10? Treat him the way 10 yr old you would want to be treated. Compassion and kindness goes a long way. The people who deserve it least usually need it most.

3) Get your son to a dr to see if there's anything they can do to help. Or ask teachers at school if seeing a dr isn't affordable.

4) If your house is going into foreclosure and there's nothing you can do about it, stop making payments and save every dime you can for moving. Don't give your wife access to that money. Save it for moving and start looking for a place now because it's going to be more challenging with a foreclosure on your record.

5) do whatever you can to earn money. Sell plasma. Do online transcription work. Anything. Don't piss that money away, SAVE every dime.

6) Try to spend 1:1 time with your son. Talk to him. Ask him about his day, what he thinks about this and that. Just talk to him. Throw a ball with him. Cook a meal with him. It might be hard at first but it will get better. Stick with it and don't lose your cool if he's a toad the first few times. He needs to know you're in his corner, then BE in his corner. This is the best thing you can do for your family right now.

7) Take some time out for you to decompress whether it's a job during lunch, an hour of reading or playing a video game at night or whatever. Nourish your soul too.

8) Eat well and sleep well. You have better coping skills when your physical needs are being met. Avoid junk food and simple carbs if you can. Eat fresh and clean and you'll feel better. (Plus it's often cheaper.)

9) start looking for another job. Put in applications everywhere, even if it means you'd have to move. If you start doing this now, you'll rest better because you'll feel like you're doing something to change your situation.

10) Try and get antidepressants for yourself too.

Really, you can do this. It's hard but take it one day or even one hour at a time and you can get through it. You have value and your life has meaning, even if it's not readily apparent to you.

Kids act out tension between their parents and tension on the home front. Your child's behavior is a reflection of whatever tensions exist between you and your wife, which sound totally out of control.

Spanking him and labeling him ODD/ASD because he is as stressed out as you is counterproductive. His mother is suicidal and an addict; you are suicidal and in the process of losing your job. Your entire family is in a terrible crisis.

It's not possible to solve all your problems. But I would tell you that expecting your son to behave well right now is unrealistic.

That sounds extremely stressful.
It sounds like you have multiple things going on that would be hard to cope with if you only had to deal with each of them at a time. I read your line about life insurance as saying that you feel so trapped right now that if there was financial benefit to your family you would end your life. Is that so? Do you have a friend you can talk to or access to services that can help you cope? (from a different part of the world, but, for example, people who are unemployed here can be referred to sliding scale or free counselling services. Also, charities that focus on men's coping and mental health might be able to help you). This might be a helpful place to start http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/.
I know that you have described multiple serious issues (wife's depression, parenting issues, job loss etc), and while addressing your distress won't change those things it will help you to cope better in what sounds like a truly awful situation.
Best wishes

First off, huge hugs! This situation totally ducks but you can make it through it! Got it? You can do this!

Can you move in with family? Start looking for a new job pronto. Even if it's flipping burgers find a job.

Now stop spanking your kid. Please.

Make a Dr appointment for your wife and go with her. Support her. Get her on meds then the two of you depend on each other to make it through together.

Again this totally sucks and must be unreal hard, but you can make it through. Your wife and your kids need you!

Good luck! Merry Christmas!

help, im at the end of the rope. i'll try to make this short, wife has clinical depression doesnt work due to it. we have a 10y/o son that has either asperger syndrome or ODD. he will get upset and start yelling, problem then is wife start yelling back at him along with cussing at him to shut the f*ck up. sometimes it seems like there are 2 kids having a fight (she is in her 30's) i'm too the point of seriously thinking of leaving. yes, im not perfect, i have said things to him out of anger that i have regretted lated but cant take back, if i say anything to her about this i'm wrong. best examply i can give is son does or say something bad, wife tells me i need to spank him, i spank him(about 13 swats,not hard) . then all of sudden i'm abusing him and she is calling her mom to tell her. also if i try to bring up anything she does or say to him, then her answer is " everyone would be better off without me" then she threatens to OD. she has attempted suicide a few times before, im to the point that if she does it again, i wont be at the door of the hospital when she gets out (if she does) now on top of all this, i am losing my job for good in a few months, no savings, losing the house to forecloser and we are filing bankrupcty. i feel bad for bringing a wife and 2 young boys (10 & 12) into this situation and life. if i had a life insurance policy, then they would be cashing it in. thanks for listening, i needed to get this off my chest for a long time