OP,if you don't love her, don't say, just don't!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My coworker's husband admitted that he never loved his wife. She was beside herself. She's also still seeing a shrink 10 years later.

i don't understand this reaction truthfully. 10 years later and can't get over that? I'd be hurt if my husband said he didn't love me but ultimately it would not be a reflection on me or even him. My biggest problem with the articles author is I didn't read evidence that he tried to get that loving feeling back.

Believe me, when I asked how recent it had been, she said "it was over 10 years ago" and my mouth just dropped. The way she talked about it, it was as if it had just happened.

It sounds like it just happened because she's constantly reliving it. She's ruminating and she needs a better therapist.

Why on earth would you waste someone's time and energy and love like that? Don't you think enough of your wife as a human being to let her spend all that on someone who loves her back?

Truly the most selfish thing I've heard.

It is one thing to have someone lie to you. It is another to feel like you were so stupid as to waste half of your life on someone whom you thought loved you, but really just had a lot of other reasons for finding you "marry-able" ... you made a life with this person and then found yourself exchangeable. Does it kill everyone? no. But that can destroy an already fragile personality, like any death or other trauma. PTSD. It doesn't just go away because it should.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My coworker's husband admitted that he never loved his wife. She was beside herself. She's also still seeing a shrink 10 years later.

i don't understand this reaction truthfully. 10 years later and can't get over that? I'd be hurt if my husband said he didn't love me but ultimately it would not be a reflection on me or even him. My biggest problem with the articles author is I didn't read evidence that he tried to get that loving feeling back.

Believe me, when I asked how recent it had been, she said "it was over 10 years ago" and my mouth just dropped. The way she talked about it, it was as if it had just happened.

Anonymous wrote:My coworker's husband admitted that he never loved his wife. She was beside herself. She's also still seeing a shrink 10 years later.

i don't understand this reaction truthfully. 10 years later and can't get over that? I'd be hurt if my husband said he didn't love me but ultimately it would not be a reflection on me or even him. My biggest problem with the articles author is I didn't read evidence that he tried to get that loving feeling back.

Anonymous wrote:My coworker's husband admitted that he never loved his wife. She was beside herself. She's also still seeing a shrink 10 years later.

Yeah, that's not something anyone should ever say, even if it's true. Just keep your mouth shut. Mine had a mantra for years where he'd say daily how he loved and appreciated me. He didn't act like it. And later he admitted it hadn't been true, and even worse he said he'd judged me and found me lacking. Unlike the other women, who he fantasized were perfect. Of course I know it was all his huge steaming pile of issues being projected and acted out, but that didn't make his words and behaviors hurt any less. You end up with a kind of PSTD after being with this kind of person.

Is the OP the guy who starts a lot of similar threads?

I tell my wife I love her, but it doesn't even begin to convey how much she means to me.

My coworker's husband admitted that he never loved his wife. She was beside herself. She's also still seeing a shrink 10 years later.

Why do you think it is necessary to lie to her? Does it make things more palatable for her, you or kids OR do you want to fake it till you make it?

Well, that's your choice. Kind of sucks to be lied to.

And?

That article is 15 years old.

I wonder how many people really feel this way in their marriages..

http://gu.com/p/xxezm/sbl