Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no personal issue with the in-laws. They're nice enough and they love spending time with our kids. I just hate having house guests and they stay too long. After 2-3 days of having to feed and entertain people morning, noon, and night, and trying to keep the house respectably clean, I'm ready for the funny farm. Did I mention that I can't even relax after the kids go to bed? FIL continues to occupy our time by talking non-stop about people I don't know and things I could not care less about.

Oh, sweetie, this is me, too. They expect to "chat" from the time DD goes to bed at 7:30 until 11 or so. I used to indulge that, but I don't anymore. I talk to them for maybe 45 minutes, and then I say I'm going to go take a shower, read and go to bed. And then I do. I just get up, say goodnight, and walk away. DH stays behind to talk to them, but he's fine with that.

Just do it. Just say you're going to read and go to bed, and do just that!

Ugh, yeah, having people who want to talk with you and spend time with you is just the worst!

After spending ALL DAY with them, including a two-hour chat at nap time, and having no time to myself to unwind and recharge my batteries? Hell yes, I'm going to not make myself sit there and chat for another few hours! I'm going to spend an additional 45 minutes to an hour with them, and then I'm going to have 1-2 blessed hours to myself after a long day of entertaining, cooking, cleaning and "social directing" for others. You can try to make me feel bad about it, but I don't.

We don't, we don't, we don't. I realize I'm in the very lucky minority though LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like spending time with my inlaws in limited quantities. We are local so I'm happy to see them frequently for short spurts and then retreat to my own place. I try hard not to judge and rind myself that they raised a son that I wanted to marry and spend my life with.
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This. I wish my in-laws (and my own mother) were local so we could see all of them more in smaller doses. After more than a couple nights I want to be in my own home, and am ready to send them back to theirs.

I'd lose it if my inlaws decided to become local. They are South Asian and so there is no such a thing as "setting boundaries" as Americans do. They would be over at our place every other day and I'd be getting a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no personal issue with the in-laws. They're nice enough and they love spending time with our kids. I just hate having house guests and they stay too long. After 2-3 days of having to feed and entertain people morning, noon, and night, and trying to keep the house respectably clean, I'm ready for the funny farm. Did I mention that I can't even relax after the kids go to bed? FIL continues to occupy our time by talking non-stop about people I don't know and things I could not care less about.

Oh, sweetie, this is me, too. They expect to "chat" from the time DD goes to bed at 7:30 until 11 or so. I used to indulge that, but I don't anymore. I talk to them for maybe 45 minutes, and then I say I'm going to go take a shower, read and go to bed. And then I do. I just get up, say goodnight, and walk away. DH stays behind to talk to them, but he's fine with that.

Just do it. Just say you're going to read and go to bed, and do just that!

Ugh, yeah, having people who want to talk with you and spend time with you is just the worst!

Anonymous wrote:I have no personal issue with the in-laws. They're nice enough and they love spending time with our kids. I just hate having house guests and they stay too long. After 2-3 days of having to feed and entertain people morning, noon, and night, and trying to keep the house respectably clean, I'm ready for the funny farm. Did I mention that I can't even relax after the kids go to bed? FIL continues to occupy our time by talking non-stop about people I don't know and things I could not care less about.

Oh, sweetie, this is me, too. They expect to "chat" from the time DD goes to bed at 7:30 until 11 or so. I used to indulge that, but I don't anymore. I talk to them for maybe 45 minutes, and then I say I'm going to go take a shower, read and go to bed. And then I do. I just get up, say goodnight, and walk away. DH stays behind to talk to them, but he's fine with that.

Just do it. Just say you're going to read and go to bed, and do just that!

My in-laws are generally fine, but I would never in a million years choose to spend time with them if I just met them at a dinner party or something--let alone invite them to stay in my house, want to stay at their house, go on vacation, etc.

It's true, you don't get to pick your family of origin, either. But you've been around them your whole life, and are connected to them in many ways.

But as adults, we pick our friends and the people we want to spend time with. I would just never CHOOSE to spend time with FIL or MIL if I didn't have to, and yet I spend a lot of time with them in "intimate home life" settings.

The one thing that would help if if they OBSERVED less and EXPECTED less. They observe aloud literally everything about me and my household, down to: "Oh, you buy BARQ'S root beer? We always buy A&W. Just drink your freaking root beer, you know?

And the expectation is just always more, more, more. "Thanks for hosting Christmas! We were hoping to stay for 7 nights instead of 5." Who does that?

They are really wonderful people who try to be great in laws to me and fabulous grandparents to the kids. It makes my husband so happy to show his parents the kids and spend time together. So I'm happy to do it. At the same time, I'm happy we live across the country from each other so it can't be done too often.

I'm ok with my inlaws for 3-4 days, after that, it's like a switch flips and I can't even bear them for a minute. Realize that this is my issue to some extent.

Anonymous wrote:I like spending time with my inlaws in limited quantities. We are local so I'm happy to see them frequently for short spurts and then retreat to my own place. I try hard not to judge and rind myself that they raised a son that I wanted to marry and spend my life with.
.

This. I wish my in-laws (and my own mother) were local so we could see all of them more in smaller doses. After more than a couple nights I want to be in my own home, and am ready to send them back to theirs.

I like my inlaws. My husband's family has a lot less drama than my own family and it is a wonderful change of pace. We don't always see exactly eye to eye but I love that my children are experiencing the warm, functional extended family I never had as a kid.

No, I love spending time with my inlaws. Sometimes I get tired of not being in my own home/routine, but they're lovely and they really help out with the kids.

I do not hate spending time with my inlaws. But it can be stressful for sure. Sometimes it's not. Yes I do play a part in helping it go smoothly and I do my best. I don't think I can say that my MIL has the same insight though. I hope when I am a MIL I can remember the challenges of marrying into a family and do my best to make that transition easy for any of my kid's spouses.

I have no personal issue with the in-laws. They're nice enough and they love spending time with our kids. I just hate having house guests and they stay too long. After 2-3 days of having to feed and entertain people morning, noon, and night, and trying to keep the house respectably clean, I'm ready for the funny farm. Did I mention that I can't even relax after the kids go to bed? FIL continues to occupy our time by talking non-stop about people I don't know and things I could not care less about.

I like spending time with my inlaws in limited quantities. We are local so I'm happy to see them frequently for short spurts and then retreat to my own place. I try hard not to judge and rind myself that they raised a son that I wanted to marry and spend my life with.
Thing is we picked the spouse and not the inlaws. We pick our friends but not the inlaws. They come as part of the package of being wither spouse and there is this family closenes concept that's foisted on everyone and the idea that you're supposed to really like them and choose to spend time with them as opposed to people with whine you have built relationships over time already when you don't really know them when you meet them. Some use this new connection as a mandate to be nosy and super close very fast when it's not warranted.

How are we different from them? Why do we set different standards for our in-laws than we do with our parents and siblings? Why can't we just get along? Spread love this holiday season and love will come back to you tenfold.

From a DIL who is taking baby steps in doing the above ?