Anonymous wrote:The concept of sending a parent away should be an anathema to any decent human being. Then again, the concept if sending a 6-week-old to daycare is not that hot either. It's the American way. Don't harp on OP, he simply doesn't know any better.

Anonymous wrote:Can your SIL get a home health aide? They can come to the house like 5 times a week for 15-25 hours and bathe the person, make meals, change their clothes, etc. for them. This would get these things accomplished for your MIL, plus give your SIL some relief.

I think finding a home that has a decent Asian population would be a way to open the possibility of her going. Also, keep in mind that old people worry that they'll be shuffled off to a nursing home and forgotten about.

Anonymous wrote:...my wife's family is Asian and the concept of sending her away for care is an anathema to them.

She is a mess. 80 years old with high blood pressure, failed kidneys (dialysis 4x a week), hyper-limited diet due to kidney failure, depression and many other issues. Her medicine regime is at least 10-14 different pills per day. She fell recently and injured her leg to the point of not being able to use it and is now in a wheelchair, but she cannot get in or out of the chair without being lifted basically. The recovery from the leg injury is going very very slowly. She needs help to change clothes, go to the bathroom, bathe. Even when she could walk it was very slow, stuttering steps. She cannot cook. She does not speak English as is currently living with my sister-in-law who is having difficulty dealing with her.

I've gone through a few of those lists on the Net about "when to send the elderly to a care home" and it's pretty much a slam dunk on every question, but I've got to get past this big cultural hurdle of "never in a million years". Has anyone gone through this difficult decision before, with the added problem of the issues that exists in some cultures about parental care? Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...my wife's family is Asian and the concept of sending her away for care is an anathema to them.

She is a mess. 80 years old with high blood pressure, failed kidneys (dialysis 4x a week), hyper-limited diet due to kidney failure, depression and many other issues. Her medicine regime is at least 10-14 different pills per day. She fell recently and injured her leg to the point of not being able to use it and is now in a wheelchair, but she cannot get in or out of the chair without being lifted basically. The recovery from the leg injury is going very very slowly. She needs help to change clothes, go to the bathroom, bathe. Even when she could walk it was very slow, stuttering steps. She cannot cook. She does not speak English as is currently living with my sister-in-law who is having difficulty dealing with her.

I've gone through a few of those lists on the Net about "when to send the elderly to a care home" and it's pretty much a slam dunk on every question, but I've got to get past this big cultural hurdle of "never in a million years". Has anyone gone through this difficult decision before, with the added problem of the issues that exists in some cultures about parental care? Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Thanks.

She's not going. Just isn't accepted culturally so you and the wife need to have some compassion and start contributing to helping MIL and SIL out. Caretaking is difficult work and shouldn't have to fall on the shoulders of just one person in the family. If you can only provide financial assistance they pay for a cleaning service or a nurse to come in so SIL can have some free time. Taking MIL in for half a day so SIL can regroup. Buying groceries and bringing them over. These are all ways that you can help.

Anonymous wrote:...my wife's family is Asian and the concept of sending her away for care is an anathema to them.

She is a mess. 80 years old with high blood pressure, failed kidneys (dialysis 4x a week), hyper-limited diet due to kidney failure, depression and many other issues. Her medicine regime is at least 10-14 different pills per day. She fell recently and injured her leg to the point of not being able to use it and is now in a wheelchair, but she cannot get in or out of the chair without being lifted basically. The recovery from the leg injury is going very very slowly. She needs help to change clothes, go to the bathroom, bathe. Even when she could walk it was very slow, stuttering steps. She cannot cook. She does not speak English as is currently living with my sister-in-law who is having difficulty dealing with her.

I've gone through a few of those lists on the Net about "when to send the elderly to a care home" and it's pretty much a slam dunk on every question, but I've got to get past this big cultural hurdle of "never in a million years". Has anyone gone through this difficult decision before, with the added problem of the issues that exists in some cultures about parental care? Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Thanks.