Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 15:08     Subject: Re:Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Ok here, I understand he needs visitation, but my question is do I need to get a lawyer or can we work it out informally.

I told him about the apartment and started my grievances but he got very angry, he has hit me 4 times in last 13 yrs, so I left the room to avoid escalation.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:24     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
It's not fair to the kids to keep them from him because you don't want to see him. If you're moving out, I assume he's staying at your old home? Maybe do drop off visits there.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:20     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
OP, in less you have good reasons such as serious abuse, he has a right to see his kids and should have 50/50 custody. How would you feel if he took the kids and wouldn't let you see or talk them every day. You are leaving him, they are not. He is still their father and they deserve an equal relationship with both parents. He can get them from school or another neutral situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:10     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
To OP and 13:56, hey, I have no idea what the issues are and if they are solvable, but this cannot be easy for anyone, including your spouses. I truly hope that whatever happens, it is for the best and all involved get past this painful time as quickly as possible. Peace.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:10     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm assuming you aren't planning to take the kids with you without approval from your spouse.

If not, you should probably get a lawyer.


Well of course he knows, but he wants to visit and be with them everyday, which I was initially ok with, but not now. I just don't want to see him.

How does one get a break from their spouse when young kids are involved???


You need to find some way to get a break that isn't at the expense of your children's relationship with their father. Perhaps one of you could pick up from daycare and then drop at the others house.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:05     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:
Is taking a holiday alone enough of a stand? "Trial separations" seem rare. Usually it's a step to divorce.

What do you want to achieve? If it's a wake up call, think it through first.

We're here to help with that.

OP here, thanks, yes a wake-up call for both of us maybe, we have been together 13 years and I feel I am not appreciated or respected. I can give some top pain points but the grievances are in multiple areas, and DH 's of course thinks I am overreacting and is dismissive.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 14:02     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:Not OP but DH and I are separating this week. We're Jewish. I'm taking the kids to my parents for a few days while he moves out.

It seems like a good time to tell them as they don't have school next week and can spend as much time processing this as they need.


OP here, yes, thanks, now is a good time. Though being an immigrant I have zero family and plan to move to an apartment, older kid will be in same school, younger is a baby. I won't even tell my parents.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:58     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?

Is taking a holiday alone enough of a stand? "Trial separations" seem rare. Usually it's a step to divorce.

What do you want to achieve? If it's a wake up call, think it through first.

We're here to help with that.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:56     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Not OP but DH and I are separating this week. We're Jewish. I'm taking the kids to my parents for a few days while he moves out.

It seems like a good time to tell them as they don't have school next week and can spend as much time processing this as they need.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:54     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:Don't move out until you've spoken with a lawyer. You CANT just take the kids.

Call a lawyer tomorrow.

And Jesus, who does this at Christmas time? My dad is actually a lawyer, and decades of practice show that couples wait until well after the holidays to disrupt their children's lives. Nobody separates over the holidays.

Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and try to hammer out a reasonable agreement with your husband.

We don't celebrate Christmas, and no family, so nothing to lose, actually have vacation free time now at work that I can use to move out. Honestly I am tired of him and putting up with stuff over the years, so really want a break and prove to him that I have some self respect.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:53     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:Don't move out until you've spoken with a lawyer. You CANT just take the kids.

Call a lawyer tomorrow.

And Jesus, who does this at Christmas time? My dad is actually a lawyer, and decades of practice show that couples wait until well after the holidays to disrupt their children's lives. Nobody separates over the holidays.

Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and try to hammer out a reasonable agreement with your husband.


Gasp. Unless DH is a complete dickhead, which means you should be divorcing, why would you do this now?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:49     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm assuming you aren't planning to take the kids with you without approval from your spouse.

If not, you should probably get a lawyer.


Well of course he knows, but he wants to visit and be with them everyday, which I was initially ok with, but not now. I just don't want to see him.

How does one get a break from their spouse when young kids are involved???
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:45     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Don't move out until you've spoken with a lawyer. You CANT just take the kids.

Call a lawyer tomorrow.

And Jesus, who does this at Christmas time? My dad is actually a lawyer, and decades of practice show that couples wait until well after the holidays to disrupt their children's lives. Nobody separates over the holidays.

Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and try to hammer out a reasonable agreement with your husband.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:41     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Well, I'm assuming you aren't planning to take the kids with you without approval from your spouse.

If not, you should probably get a lawyer.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2015 13:31     Subject: Moving out with two kids for trial separation, do i need a lawyer first?
Looking at apartments and looks like I might find one very soon. Is it ok to leave now or do I have to first get a lawyer. Spouse will be fine with me moving out, but I don't think we can come to an agreement about kids and visitation?
Anyone done this on their own, don't want legal complications if we decide to officially separate later on.