Anonymous wrote:My DH and his mother (my MIL) are not on good terms right now. This has seemed to trickle down to my kids. She didn't send them Christmas gifts. How should I handle this? (Kids are 9 and 7.) My kids get 3 gifts from Santa and that's it. So it will be obvious to them that their grandmother sent them nothing.

My brother isn't speaking to our Mom, but my mom sent him a gift anyway, and proactively tries to see the kids (and of course give them presents). I think I'd try to figure out a little more about the bad blood going on between DH and his mom. Is there a way he can reach out to ask about the kids' presents? Especially if this is the first year she didn't get them something? Maybe it is more like what the other PP said. Direct rudeness from the kids -- no thank you notes, etc. Who knows? But I would try to quietly get to the bottom of it first.

And depending on the cause, that's how I'd tailor my conversation with the kids. But it's also a good reason to re-examine these divides. They don't just hurt the two people involved, they extend to other family members. Is it really worth it?

We didn't give any gifts to anyone this year. Not even the grandkids.

Disrespect should never be rewarded. I feel for the kids but their parents are to blame. It doesn't matter because we're damned either way.

You don't give your children anything from you? I ask since you said they get 3 Santa gifts only. I have two siblings with issues. Some years they give my children presents and some years they don't. One grandfather never gives them anything (divorce situation). My children have never asked why they didn't receive anything. They get a lot from others and we have always stressed that the point of Christmas isn't about the presents. If yours ask you can say something like that and to be thankful for what they received.

Just go with you don't know and focus on other things. If this is grandmas reaction to a fight with her son, my guess is this kind of pettiness will not be uncommon as the years go on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes your children gifts - not even grandparents.

OP here. Uh, I don't think they are "owed" presents. I am asking on how I tell my kids if they ask. You sound delightful, btw!

Well, that is how your post came across and given your response to me, I don't actually believe you. But, since you asked, I tell mine that people don't always get others gifts and I don't know why their grandmother (or uncle or whomever didn't bring gifts on a particular year) didn't get them a gift. I also remind mine that the only people they buy gifts for are their siblings. They don't get their grandmother or their uncles gifts either. (I get others gifts, but my kids tend to only use their money for either other).

Anonymous wrote:No one owes your children gifts - not even grandparents.

OP here. Uh, I don't think they are "owed" presents. I am asking on how I tell my kids if they ask. You sound delightful, btw!

Anonymous wrote:Why did you send her a check as s gift?

Don't bring it up unless the kids bring it up. If they bring it up, then tell the truth, which is you don't exactly know why she didn't send a gift, but they got other nice presents and let's focus on enjoying the season. They're too young to be told more details. Sorry, OP.

OP here. In the 15 year I have been married to him, we have always sent her a check. I think it's what she wants!

No one owes your children gifts - not even grandparents.

Why did you send her a check as s gift?

Don't bring it up unless the kids bring it up. If they bring it up, then tell the truth, which is you don't exactly know why she didn't send a gift, but they got other nice presents and let's focus on enjoying the season. They're too young to be told more details. Sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:There's still a week so I wouldn't panic yet, but just remind the kids it's not about gifts and they should never expect gifts from anyone regardless of relationship. What did your kids send to grandma?

OP here. We sent her a check.

Time to teach the concept of passive aggressive.

There's still a week so I wouldn't panic yet, but just remind the kids it's not about gifts and they should never expect gifts from anyone regardless of relationship. What did your kids send to grandma?

I'd use this as a teaching moment. Family relationships are never perfect and take work. My sister and I have had a strained relationship for a few years and we never hid it from the kids.

Not your relationship to "handle." It's sad for all involved, but DH and MIL are both adults.

Stay out of it.

My DH and his mother (my MIL) are not on good terms right now. This has seemed to trickle down to my kids. She didn't send them Christmas gifts. How should I handle this? (Kids are 9 and 7.) My kids get 3 gifts from Santa and that's it. So it will be obvious to them that their grandmother sent them nothing.