I almost think that everyone needs to have two marriages. The first is for learning about how to do marriage and then figuring out the kind of person you do and do not want in one. So then you break it off and get married to that right person during the second one. Marriage is such an unknown thing that few people can know who is the right person until they go through it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

PP here-- this is what I don't get. We've known each other for 30 years and married for 10. We were friends before marriage. What does he want? Sparks, butterflies, excitement when the phone rings? Our sex life is still fantastic. We usually have sex 3x/day-- once before bed, once in the middle of the night, and once when we wake up. I am honestly at a loss as to what he's looking for in our marriage so that we are a couple and not just roommates.

I have never had sex with my roommate three times a day. I think he has unreasonable expectations. Is he a sex addict?

I don't hes a sex addict. It's just always been good between us and we enjoy each other's body's. The before bed is the passionate sex. The middle of the night is comfortable sex. And the the morning sex is let's get a quicky in before the kids walk in. This one gets interrupted by the kids probably 2-3 times a week and makes night time sex even better.

But beyond the sex, I don't know what he wants in order to not be roommates. We both work full time. I get home by 4 and start with the kids activities and he gets home around 7. Kids are 5 and 8. I try to get the kids in bed by 8 but it's usually more like 9 before it really happens. I would say that we probably need to "date" more but beyond that I'm lost. I will admit that conversations are hard. We can talk about the kids and work but not much else. After 30 yrs, there are no new stories to tell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

PP here-- this is what I don't get. We've known each other for 30 years and married for 10. We were friends before marriage. What does he want? Sparks, butterflies, excitement when the phone rings? Our sex life is still fantastic. We usually have sex 3x/day-- once before bed, once in the middle of the night, and once when we wake up. I am honestly at a loss as to what he's looking for in our marriage so that we are a couple and not just roommates.

Whoa seriously? When do you sleep? I've always wondered about middle of the night sex...who wakes up? Isn't it hard ti go back to sleep?

We sleep at night. Middle of the night sex usually occurs when one person has to pee. One person gets up, the bed shifts, and the other person wakes up.
Then as long as the other person is up, they might as well pee. Then we snuggle and pretend to try and go back to bed. But we snuggle and he gets at aroused so we have sex. Then we both just fall back to sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

PP here-- this is what I don't get. We've known each other for 30 years and married for 10. We were friends before marriage. What does he want? Sparks, butterflies, excitement when the phone rings? Our sex life is still fantastic. We usually have sex 3x/day-- once before bed, once in the middle of the night, and once when we wake up. I am honestly at a loss as to what he's looking for in our marriage so that we are a couple and not just roommates.

I have never had sex with my roommate three times a day. I think he has unreasonable expectations. Is he a sex addict?

I did. I married the exact person that the OP describes for the exact reasons. I was 23. I had tried to break up the relationship a few times prior to the marriage, only to be "reassured" by everyone that it was only the jitters.

6 months after the wedding, I felt numb. I felt stifled. I couldn't believe that I was still considered a newlywed and was already quite bored with the life I had chosen. My husband was a wonderful person who was perfect on paper. I just wasn't the right wife for him. I filed for divorce and we were completely divorced by our 8 month anniversary.

He fought it for awhile but realized the only way he could make me happy was to let me go. That's how good of a person he is.

We are both currently remarried. I am very, very happy with my DH and realized, as soon as I met him, how different and wonderful it could be. I assume that my ex is also quite happy with his current wife, although I can't say for sure. I do know that it's very likely that we both would've been completely miserable by now if I hadn't ended it early.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

PP here-- this is what I don't get. We've known each other for 30 years and married for 10. We were friends before marriage. What does he want? Sparks, butterflies, excitement when the phone rings? Our sex life is still fantastic. We usually have sex 3x/day-- once before bed, once in the middle of the night, and once when we wake up. I am honestly at a loss as to what he's looking for in our marriage so that we are a couple and not just roommates.

Whoa seriously? When do you sleep? I've always wondered about middle of the night sex...who wakes up? Isn't it hard ti go back to sleep?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

PP here-- this is what I don't get. We've known each other for 30 years and married for 10. We were friends before marriage. What does he want? Sparks, butterflies, excitement when the phone rings? Our sex life is still fantastic. We usually have sex 3x/day-- once before bed, once in the middle of the night, and once when we wake up. I am honestly at a loss as to what he's looking for in our marriage so that we are a couple and not just roommates.

Anonymous wrote:Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

It's just more like friends. It's always been this way for me. I had an arranged marriage and my husband is super super sweet.

Currently going through this with DH. We've been married for 10 years. He says it feels more like roommates. But when I ask what married people who have lived together for 10 years and have 2 kids do differently than roommates, he has no response.

So for those of you who have been married a long time, how is your marriage different than being roommates?

FWIW, I would grab an opportunity to marry a friend.

Anonymous wrote:I did. Together 11 years. I married young, which used to be significantly more common.

Great guy...everything felt safe and secure. Fantastic husband, father, provider. Because of this, I don't rock the boat and we are happily married. Often feels more like a friendship, though.

+1 married at 23

I do believe this happens.
Sadly, I even let myself be convinced that it was my situation for the first four years of my marriage. By the time, others saw what I had always seen and said "Yeah, you do need to get out. If not for your own sake, then for the kids.", I was pretty broken in spirit.

I did. Together 11 years. I married young, which used to be significantly more common.

Great guy...everything felt safe and secure. Fantastic husband, father, provider. Because of this, I don't rock the boat and we are happily married. Often feels more like a friendship, though.

Yes. Married for 25 years, but the relationship feels more like a 'roommates' situation at times.

Great topic. It's increasingly harder to figure out what a person can expect from any relationship (romantic or friendship) or marriage these days.

Just wondering what has happened to people who was dating someone who was a good person and there was no real reason to leave them so you married them. You might have had a feeling that this person wasn't the right person for you, but you loved them and they were good and kind and you couldn't come up with a reason to break up. Or maybe you realized after you were married that being good wasn't good enough to sustain a marriage.

What happened? Are you still married? Happily? Divorced?