Anonymous
12/18/2015 15:40
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Have you never visited this forum before OP? The main theme here is "dreaded family vacation..." Count your blessings.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 13:14
Subject: Re:Mild Sibling Jealousy
I envy no one.
My sister married into a money family. She was obligated 24/7 to them and was expected to do whatever was asked when asked or told really. Little by little our family left her out of anything we planned because we knew she'd have to be with her husband's family. After a while you just forget about that person. Her choice. She was stupid.
Fast forward 20 years. She's divorced, poor and no longer part of our family. Her ex's family turned on her.
I will never be obligated to anyone. Ever.
My sister married into a money family. She was obligated 24/7 to them and was expected to do whatever was asked when asked or told really. Little by little our family left her out of anything we planned because we knew she'd have to be with her husband's family. After a while you just forget about that person. Her choice. She was stupid.
Fast forward 20 years. She's divorced, poor and no longer part of our family. Her ex's family turned on her.
I will never be obligated to anyone. Ever.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 12:56
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Anonymous wrote:It's really awkward to have your parents always paying for your luxuries - it's even more awkward for your ILs to pay for it and to feel like you can't say no without offending some one, but it's not like you could offer to come along for the company but pay your own way to keep your dignity. It's weird - believe it's weird. I totally get why you're jealous but I bet your siblings are probably also uncomfortable and not able to enjoy it fully.
Getting an AirBnB some place that's half a day's drive away and planning a vacation for your family within your budget is much more relaxing - I've done both and I much prefer what I can afford on my own terms over being my parents' charity case for the holidays.
PP here. Its different for everyone. I find most women want and even expect to have their in laws pay for stuff. My sister, for example isn't phased by the help at all. She relishes it and says her in laws are so sweet that they paid for X or Y. It makes her feel special I think.
Personally, I don't really have much of a relationship with my sister now. Our lives are so different now.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 12:29
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
It's really awkward to have your parents always paying for your luxuries - it's even more awkward for your ILs to pay for it and to feel like you can't say no without offending some one, but it's not like you could offer to come along for the company but pay your own way to keep your dignity. It's weird - believe it's weird. I totally get why you're jealous but I bet your siblings are probably also uncomfortable and not able to enjoy it fully.
Getting an AirBnB some place that's half a day's drive away and planning a vacation for your family within your budget is much more relaxing - I've done both and I much prefer what I can afford on my own terms over being my parents' charity case for the holidays.
Getting an AirBnB some place that's half a day's drive away and planning a vacation for your family within your budget is much more relaxing - I've done both and I much prefer what I can afford on my own terms over being my parents' charity case for the holidays.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 12:14
Subject: Re:Mild Sibling Jealousy
I completely understand you.
I feel similarly. I married my DH at 27 and we did not have any money. I had no idea that his parents are broke and have no money either. So now, we're basically the only ones who can take care of us AND his parents. We have no one to help us with down payment of a house or a nice vacation or trust funds for our children. Its ALL up to us to figure out and pay for by ourselves.
My younger sister, however married the son of an oil executive. Not only did she have a beautiful wedding paid for by her in laws, they also paid for their nice house and I'm sure they have trust funds for each of her kids once they have children. She is always traveling to amazing places. She never has to worry about money for the rest of her life.
Not gonna lie, I am jealous. Life is NOT fair.
I feel similarly. I married my DH at 27 and we did not have any money. I had no idea that his parents are broke and have no money either. So now, we're basically the only ones who can take care of us AND his parents. We have no one to help us with down payment of a house or a nice vacation or trust funds for our children. Its ALL up to us to figure out and pay for by ourselves.
My younger sister, however married the son of an oil executive. Not only did she have a beautiful wedding paid for by her in laws, they also paid for their nice house and I'm sure they have trust funds for each of her kids once they have children. She is always traveling to amazing places. She never has to worry about money for the rest of her life.
Not gonna lie, I am jealous. Life is NOT fair.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 11:43
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
My inlaws try to pay for a yearly vacation for us. Not only do I not want to spend a week of time off to take this vacation, I have the silver lining there to remind me they can't afford it AT ALL! So yes, one day we will probably have to support them because they insist on going to a resort they can't afford every damn year.
Anonymous
12/18/2015 11:07
Subject: Re:Mild Sibling Jealousy
Completely understand where you are coming from. I have similar feelings. I married my DH at 24 and we are still very happy together, but I often wish I had understood what the reality of marrying someone from a modest background would mean. I never fully understood how people could say money mattered, especially when we were too young to have made our money yet. But parent money does impact your life. Whether it be vacations, college debt, help with children, etc. I have many friends who go on vacations courtesy of in laws, but also people who have childcare provided or college expenses paid for, or even were able to stay at home as young mothers due to in laws or parent involvement.
Its ok to be a bit jealous. I don't really believe anyone doesn't have those moments. Family money would be awesome. I am jealous of people who have it. But I know I wouldn't change a thing. And that is what matters.
So yeah, have moments of jealousy. Its totally ok. And totally normal. Life isn't fair!
Its ok to be a bit jealous. I don't really believe anyone doesn't have those moments. Family money would be awesome. I am jealous of people who have it. But I know I wouldn't change a thing. And that is what matters.
So yeah, have moments of jealousy. Its totally ok. And totally normal. Life isn't fair!
Anonymous
12/17/2015 16:20
Subject: Re:Mild Sibling Jealousy
OP here. There have been a few comments about how nice it must be to NOT feel obligated to spend vacations with the in laws. I should clarify I do feel obligated to spend vacations with the in laws, and re restricted to spending those vacations at the homes of in laws. I do agree with PP that it would be rough if we had to financially support our parents, so there is that silver lining. However, it is very likely we'll have to support my dad at some point, or feel obligated to support his wife if my dad leaves behind a mountain of debt. My mom and DH's parents won't need financial support from their kids.
Anonymous
12/17/2015 14:40
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
I feel jealous of all of you! I really resent having to support my mother and my FIL -- two spendthrifts who have spent their lives being supported by parents, siblings, inlaws and now their own kids!
I'd cut them off but we've been "helping out" for so long and now they're elderly. Ironically, it will be hardest when they pass away because the anger and resentment will mix with the grief.
I'd cut them off but we've been "helping out" for so long and now they're elderly. Ironically, it will be hardest when they pass away because the anger and resentment will mix with the grief.
Anonymous
12/17/2015 14:37
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
I agree - my inlaws will toss out thousands of places they want to "take us" which makes it very awkward to say no, we want to vacation without you (or staycation without you). They're constantly gifting us "surprise" trips etc
Would you really want to feel obligated to hang out with your in laws all the time and guilty if you wanted to do something different?
Would you really want to feel obligated to hang out with your in laws all the time and guilty if you wanted to do something different?
Anonymous
12/16/2015 16:37
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Between DH and I all of our siblings have married into families who own cabins, regularly rent vacation houses for all their children and spouses, or pay for their children and spouses to go on cruises together. DH and I both come from modest backgrounds, so neither of our sets of parents can afford these kinds of luxuries. I don’t fault our parents and wouldn’t want different parents myself. But I do find myself feeling a little jealous of our siblings fun family vacations with their in laws. Is anyone else in a similar boat? I don't think this is anything that I'm letting ruin relationships with people, just a pattern I've noticed.
The grass is always greener. Maybe they're jealous that you're not obligated to spend your vacation time on multiple trips with your in laws like they are.
Anonymous
12/16/2015 16:37
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Between DH and I all of our siblings have married into families who own cabins, regularly rent vacation houses for all their children and spouses, or pay for their children and spouses to go on cruises together. DH and I both come from modest backgrounds, so neither of our sets of parents can afford these kinds of luxuries. I don’t fault our parents and wouldn’t want different parents myself. But I do find myself feeling a little jealous of our siblings fun family vacations with their in laws. Is anyone else in a similar boat? I don't think this is anything that I'm letting ruin relationships with people, just a pattern I've noticed.
The grass is always greener. Maybe they're jealous that you're not obligated to spend your vacation time on multiple trips with your in laws like they are.
+100000
Hell to the yeah.
Anonymous
12/16/2015 15:43
Subject: Re:Mild Sibling Jealousy
I agree the grass is always greener. 
For what it is worth we do spend two vacations a year with family, one with DH's family, one with mine. We always gather at somebody's house since no parents are paying for us to go elsewhere. I know the point of family vacations is the people, not the destination, and maybe siblings do get tired of their ILs deciding where they go on vacation. DH and I could pay to do something fun with our immediate siblings, we just can't afford to pay for our siblings as well. But we still spend the time with them b.c. they're family.
For what it is worth we do spend two vacations a year with family, one with DH's family, one with mine. We always gather at somebody's house since no parents are paying for us to go elsewhere. I know the point of family vacations is the people, not the destination, and maybe siblings do get tired of their ILs deciding where they go on vacation. DH and I could pay to do something fun with our immediate siblings, we just can't afford to pay for our siblings as well. But we still spend the time with them b.c. they're family.
Anonymous
12/16/2015 15:37
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Anonymous wrote:Between DH and I all of our siblings have married into families who own cabins, regularly rent vacation houses for all their children and spouses, or pay for their children and spouses to go on cruises together. DH and I both come from modest backgrounds, so neither of our sets of parents can afford these kinds of luxuries. I don’t fault our parents and wouldn’t want different parents myself. But I do find myself feeling a little jealous of our siblings fun family vacations with their in laws. Is anyone else in a similar boat? I don't think this is anything that I'm letting ruin relationships with people, just a pattern I've noticed.
The grass is always greener. Maybe they're jealous that you're not obligated to spend your vacation time on multiple trips with your in laws like they are.
Anonymous
12/16/2015 15:27
Subject: Mild Sibling Jealousy
Between DH and I all of our siblings have married into families who own cabins, regularly rent vacation houses for all their children and spouses, or pay for their children and spouses to go on cruises together. DH and I both come from modest backgrounds, so neither of our sets of parents can afford these kinds of luxuries. I don’t fault our parents and wouldn’t want different parents myself. But I do find myself feeling a little jealous of our siblings fun family vacations with their in laws. Is anyone else in a similar boat? I don't think this is anything that I'm letting ruin relationships with people, just a pattern I've noticed.