Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

Wow, cancer is way more personal, difficult and stressful than dark humor and Facebook privacy settings, PP. Sounds like YOU need compassion and perspective. And by the way, be more upset with your brother than your SIL on the timing of that one.

I hope she's doing OK.

Anonymous wrote:I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

This is exactly the kind of thing my SIL did...from day one..which made it clear that she wanted zero relationship with me, and with my family. Why she felt her "dark humor" was so different from anyone else's dark humor is beyond me. Ditto why no one in our family could be informed that she had cancer. Yes, you heard that correctly. We could not know because it was "private." I found out the day of my wedding when she arrived wearing a wig and my brother pulled me aside to tell me she was getting chemo. Gee, thanks for that shitload on my wedding day!

When dd was born, mil wanted to get her some baby jewelry. I don't even wear jewelry most of the time. I'm not a fan of baby jewelry. I also didn't want to have to keep up with a piece of jewelry for many years knowing it wouldn't be worn. She wanted to give it to her and then have us take professional portraits with the jewelry. I told DH to handle it because I didn't have the energy to tell her no.

DH handled it but it turned into a big thing. If I'd handled it, I could have heard how much it meant to her and changed my mind. DH was trying to do right by me and wouldn't back down.

It started off feeling like she was trying to commandeer the baby, much like how she tried to take over the wedding. In retrospect, I made a mountain out of a molehill. In my defense, I was overwhelmed as a first time mom, and mil has a history of trying to control everything. We get along much better now and have a pretty good relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Boy, I think you were being kind of mean. So what if she wanted everyone in PJs. Unless you had a real reason not to want to wear your PJs (I would have been legitimately uncomfortable with that request/embarrassed by it) - you were just being difficult and non compliant which was kind of immature of you.

Different PP here. This is the basis of ALL IL feuds, IMO. In my case, it is my MIL who is a petulant child. At least I make the effort to choose my battles, which is more than I can say for her.

I know it bothers her, but I keep my MIL on my Restricted FB list. She still sees all the kid photos and everyday posts, but I sometimes indulge my dark humor and don't really want her seeing that. She found out because one of DH's cousins cracked up at something I posted when he was with her, and told her to look at my FB when she asked what was funny.

It wasn't intentional to hurt/exclude her, but I won't change it even though I know it bothers her. Oh well...

Anonymous wrote:I know my SIL reads DCUM. Sometimes I wonder if she has an ounce of regret or remorse.

For what?

I know my SIL reads DCUM. Sometimes I wonder if she has an ounce of regret or remorse.

Anonymous wrote:OK. My FIL was visiting after the birth of my first child. It was about 3 weeks postpartum and I'd had a C section and was really slow to recover -- climbing stairs was still a major event for me. FIL kept asking for water (on the third floor when I was on the first), complained about the dinner I specially cooked, and was generally totally useless -- not even clearing plates after any meal. DH was great and helping but I was exhausted from hosting. I went to my room, cried, and refused to come out until DH sent FIL packing on a six hour drive back home.

In retrospect, we ended up driving at 6 weeks postpartum to a wedding in his town for BIL so why he felt the need to come is beyond me. But I was probably a jerk. He still seems scared of me years later. He's not my favorite (for other reasons, not evil, just not my kind of guy) but I try to be kind.

Totally understandable given the circumstances!

OK. My FIL was visiting after the birth of my first child. It was about 3 weeks postpartum and I'd had a C section and was really slow to recover -- climbing stairs was still a major event for me. FIL kept asking for water (on the third floor when I was on the first), complained about the dinner I specially cooked, and was generally totally useless -- not even clearing plates after any meal. DH was great and helping but I was exhausted from hosting. I went to my room, cried, and refused to come out until DH sent FIL packing on a six hour drive back home.

In retrospect, we ended up driving at 6 weeks postpartum to a wedding in his town for BIL so why he felt the need to come is beyond me. But I was probably a jerk. He still seems scared of me years later. He's not my favorite (for other reasons, not evil, just not my kind of guy) but I try to be kind.

Anonymous wrote:Boy, I think you were being kind of mean. So what if she wanted everyone in PJs. Unless you had a real reason not to want to wear your PJs (I would have been legitimately uncomfortable with that request/embarrassed by it) - you were just being difficult and non compliant which was kind of immature of you.

Which part did you miss--the part where PP said it was not her best moment; the part where she said she now generally goes with the flow; or the part where OP was soliciting stories exactly like this, and PP responded?

Boy, I think you were being kind of mean. So what if she wanted everyone in PJs. Unless you had a real reason not to want to wear your PJs (I would have been legitimately uncomfortable with that request/embarrassed by it) - you were just being difficult and non compliant which was kind of immature of you.

^^Probably so.

Anonymous wrote:Not my best moment, but my MIL kept trying to "assimilate" me into her version of the perfect Christmas, trying to direct every moment, that I rebelled. The night before, she told me three times that we HAD to open gifts in pajamas because it was their tradition. (Doesn't everyone organically do that?)

So I came down fully dressed.

It won't change. She tries to orchestrate and control everything. I go with the flow and just do my own thing if I can't roll with it (no way I'm drinking eggnog just to fit in).

In general, doesn't it seem one side or the other simply "pushes back" - either out of spite....or just....spite?

Not my best moment, but my MIL kept trying to "assimilate" me into her version of the perfect Christmas, trying to direct every moment, that I rebelled. The night before, she told me three times that we HAD to open gifts in pajamas because it was their tradition. (Doesn't everyone organically do that?)

So I came down fully dressed.

It won't change. She tries to orchestrate and control everything. I go with the flow and just do my own thing if I can't roll with it (no way I'm drinking eggnog just to fit in).

Anyone want to anonymously fess up to deliberately pushing an in-law's buttons?

If you did it, why did you do it? Can your situation be improved?