Anonymous wrote:Hi all! I have a close relative who's been struggling through chemo and radiation. I've been vacillating over what wording to use. Is this okay?

"I know that the past year has been difficult for you and your family and I admire your courage and strength. I wish you and your family much love and health in the coming year."

This sounds absolutely perfect OP. I couldn't have said it better myself.

"Wishing you peace, love and joy at Christmastime and always"

I said "you are in our thoughts and prayers" because it was TRUE and the person felt better being in other people's prayers. It isn't always an empty platitude.

I'm the poster who said she didn't like "thoughts and prayers." PP nailed it... it's just a platitude. It's a saying that is no longer interesting or original. It's rather empty.

I think OP's original words was good. I think it's great that OP was looking for more input. I didn't intend to derail on "thoughts & prayers." Another poster is a cancer survivor and wasn't keen on overuse of courage/strength/bravery.

Anonymous wrote:Actual card I just wrote:

Dear X, I am so sorry this has been such an awful year for you. This time of year we should be getting silly at your holiday party, not scheduling more chemotherapy.
I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy new year, and look forward to making many wonderful new memories together. Love, Y

Good job, OP. Now just wait for the DCUM nutters to over analyze this to pieces.

Actual card I just wrote:

Dear X, I am so sorry this has been such an awful year for you. This time of year we should be getting silly at your holiday party, not scheduling more chemotherapy.
I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy new year, and look forward to making many wonderful new memories together. Love, Y

I think your message is really nice.

How about
"I know that the past year has been difficult for you and your family and I admire your courage and strength. I wish you and your family much love and health in the coming year. Please know you have my love and support, in any way I can help."

I've been struggling with words for a friend going through similar. At the end of the day, I decided on, "Merry Christmas. Love you."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I had cancer I got really sick of people saying things like they admired my strength or that I was so brave, because you're just kind of playing the hand you've been dealt. But everyone's personality is different and I always tried to remind myself that it was coming from a good place. Your message sounds sincere and like the PP said it's better to acknowledge that the recipient of the card has kind of had a shit year.

I think if you're close to this person, you'll have a better idea of how the message will be received than I will!

What do you think would be better? I feel like anything I say is coming from a place where I don't have cancer and I don't know what they're going through. The relative's diagnosis keeps getting worse too although it's not terminal. They're on radiation #3 over Christmas.

I think you could just tell them you love them, or care about them or whatever is appropriate in this instance. I think you could acknowledge the crap year and express good wishes for 2016 and perhaps offer your support. (Which I'm sure you've already done, because you sound like that kind of person.)

I'm kind of short tempered and snarky on a good day, so I don't want to derail a message that might have been well received as is, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. You're doing a good job!

I appreciate you posting this. My aunt was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and a good friend with lung cancer. My heart is so heavy for both of them and I've so struggled with the words to put on paper to them this month...things just get so crossed and lost between my heart and hand.

I really struggle with this sort of thing. When I try to do for them what *I* would want done for me in that situation.... I think that I wouldn't want every Christmas card that I got to read like a sympathy note. At the same time, I can see how it would be considerate to acknowledge their difficult year. But if you've already been sending them well wishes about their health...wouldn't it be nice for them to hear "Merry Christmas we hope you have a beautiful time with your family" in the hopes that they really will have a beautiful time with their family......

Anonymous wrote:When I had cancer I got really sick of people saying things like they admired my strength or that I was so brave, because you're just kind of playing the hand you've been dealt. But everyone's personality is different and I always tried to remind myself that it was coming from a good place. Your message sounds sincere and like the PP said it's better to acknowledge that the recipient of the card has kind of had a shit year.

I think if you're close to this person, you'll have a better idea of how the message will be received than I will!

What do you think would be better? I feel like anything I say is coming from a place where I don't have cancer and I don't know what they're going through. The relative's diagnosis keeps getting worse too although it's not terminal. They're on radiation #3 over Christmas.

When I had cancer I got really sick of people saying things like they admired my strength or that I was so brave, because you're just kind of playing the hand you've been dealt. But everyone's personality is different and I always tried to remind myself that it was coming from a good place. Your message sounds sincere and like the PP said it's better to acknowledge that the recipient of the card has kind of had a shit year.

I think if you're close to this person, you'll have a better idea of how the message will be received than I will!

I think it is fine. It certainly seems sincere.

It's much better than signing your name and not even recognizing the struggles their family has been going through.

Others, who have been through cancer either directly or indirectly, may want to comment. But to me, any sincere message is a good one.

Hi all! I have a close relative who's been struggling through chemo and radiation. I've been vacillating over what wording to use. Is this okay?

"I know that the past year has been difficult for you and your family and I admire your courage and strength. I wish you and your family much love and health in the coming year."