Anonymous wrote:It happens the other way too. I have an only child and do not intend to have more. Family can not fathom why we won't have more. They think it's selfish, unfair to DC etc.

I'm an only child so being just 1 is totally the norm for me. Also and more importantly, after a long battle with infertility and a life threatening delivery with DC in which I went into cardiac arrest - I can't put myself through any more. So, this uterus is closed for business.

Even with a very "legit" reason my mother still calls weekly asking when to expect her second grandchild. So agree with pp - people are selfish and see and hear what they want to.

Why do you pick up the phone?

I think saying they are "critical of your reproductive choices" is really, really over the top.

People say cutesy, awkward things when they find out other people are pregnant. Some of those things are grating or a bit obnoxious and may be read as judgmental. Deal with it. No one wants to take a journey through your "reproductive choices." Oh my effing god.

I hope you have amazing life insurance.

No DH and I are not sick.
No DH and I our not unemployed.
None of our kids are sick
We are not having financial issues and our house is not falling apart.
My doctor was more than okay with me being pregnant.
My family simply can't be happy because in their view more than 2 kids space anything less than 3 to 5 years apart is insanity, it seems like most of the PPs share the same views.
Word of advice to those PPs if your family member tells you they are pregnant and they are happy about it Congratulate them and shut the hell up!

Anonymous wrote:They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

There is also some medical evidence that 4 kids that close together is not healthy. The risk of premature labor is increased with less time between pregnancies. (not sure if you are currently pregnant)

They may also be concerned about your finances. You do not rely on them for child care but is there open talk of finances being tight?

Because it is very selfish to consume resources in that huge quantity.

It happens the other way too. I have an only child and do not intend to have more. Family can not fathom why we won't have more. They think it's selfish, unfair to DC etc.

I'm an only child so being just 1 is totally the norm for me. Also and more importantly, after a long battle with infertility and a life threatening delivery with DC in which I went into cardiac arrest - I can't put myself through any more. So, this uterus is closed for business.

Even with a very "legit" reason my mother still calls weekly asking when to expect her second grandchild. So agree with pp - people are selfish and see and hear what they want to.

Anonymous wrote:They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

My niece is going through the same thing after baby number 4--actually, it started with number 3. People are very egotistical and self absorbed. They cannot possible fathom why someone would make a choice that is different than their own or something they know that they could not handle. You will likely have to tell them to myob if they cannot be happy for you. I regret stopping at 2. Enjoy your children, op.

They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

Anonymous wrote:Why worry? Obviously OP and spouse thought things through and decided this is what they wanted. After three kids, I think they know that kids are expensive and a lot of work, and still they chose to have another. Their life, their business. The only appropriate response is "congratulations!"

Well maybe they know a pregnancy was a surprise. Or maybe they've just listened to OP talk about needing to replace e roof unexpectedly, or one of them got laid off, or a kid just got diagnosed with some medical issue. If OP has stressed about things to their family, it's reasonable that they're worried for her at adding to her stress load.

Your prob look like you are constantly losing your mind and they are worried. Your shit is not together and they want to help.

Why worry? Obviously OP and spouse thought things through and decided this is what they wanted. After three kids, I think they know that kids are expensive and a lot of work, and still they chose to have another. Their life, their business. The only appropriate response is "congratulations!"

Are they criticizing you? Or taking an interest and asking about logistics?

Because they're worried from you. That's where those types of comments come from. Concern because they love you.

I wish my family could just be happy for me and DH.
Yes we know 4 kids under 5 is a lot, expensive, how they are made etc.
Why can't you just smile and say congrats.