Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

I do something very similar. My sibling lives closer to my mother and also provides financial and physical support. My mother is terrible at long term planning and is completely clueless regarding finances. It sounds terrible, but I get very resentful when she needs support after watching her squander resources over her lifetime, never have a long term plan and expect that she will be someone else's responsibility. It makes me feel like a bad daughter to be so frustrated with her.

The feelings you expressed is 99% my story. My parents never have much thought to their retirement accounts and even with 401k my mom borrowed from it before her account matured fully so there was a tax penalty she was unaware of until it was too late.
My sibling doesn't care and his wife acts like everything is fine on our end because her parents live with them and despite being illegal residents they refuse to return to their homeland.

As the youngest I have always held the responsibility of helping my parents ends meet but now that I'm on the verge of marriage this task is getting harder to do.

This is me as well. My mother came from a very well to do family, but squandered everything and, despite plenty of help, would not work. Flat out refuses with the excuse "I wasn't raised to have a career like you. We weren't supposed to work." For a while I did help her regularly, but then I had my own family to care for. Even now she spends frivolously (to me anyhow). I finally had to stop, giving her a check at Xmas and her birthday alone. She lives now on her ex-DH's SS and a bit of money from a family business. I had to also put space between us because I can't listen to her talk about her financial woes anymore.

No. My inlaws were middle class but had enough to get by, mainly because my FIL had a pretty generous pension. There wasn't much left when they passed away. My parents are pretty wealthy, and one is still working, so no chance we will need to support them.

Anonymous wrote:No and I don't ever see it happening. If my parents had financial trouble I would rather them move in with me. My grandparents are very self sufficient too.

My parents lived with us for a year and it was very hard on my marriage.

I'm curious if you all are white? I think culturally it seems more common for other races to live with their parents or support previous generations. My WASP family and my inlaws would never live or rely on us. They've saved for 40 years for retirement. My mom even said recently that money only flows downhill. So while I wish I had more family help in other areas of my life, as least they won't rely on us in old age.

DH and I did for both of our mothers and have provides assistance periodically for one sibling on each side. His mom squandered a big inheritance and never held a job. My mom was always poor despite working her entire life. It was the right thing to do. Our families are our responsibility and not society's. It would have been extremely unhealthy for either mother to move in with us. We had siblings who did the day to help-doctors appts, checking in, etc.,-it was only fair that we provided the financial support. In actuality, we got off easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

I do something very similar. My sibling lives closer to my mother and also provides financial and physical support. My mother is terrible at long term planning and is completely clueless regarding finances. It sounds terrible, but I get very resentful when she needs support after watching her squander resources over her lifetime, never have a long term plan and expect that she will be someone else's responsibility. It makes me feel like a bad daughter to be so frustrated with her.

The feelings you expressed is 99% my story. My parents never have much thought to their retirement accounts and even with 401k my mom borrowed from it before her account matured fully so there was a tax penalty she was unaware of until it was too late.
My sibling doesn't care and his wife acts like everything is fine on our end because her parents live with them and despite being illegal residents they refuse to return to their homeland.

As the youngest I have always held the responsibility of helping my parents ends meet but now that I'm on the verge of marriage this task is getting harder to do.

PP here, I feel for you. I really do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

I do something very similar. My sibling lives closer to my mother and also provides financial and physical support. My mother is terrible at long term planning and is completely clueless regarding finances. It sounds terrible, but I get very resentful when she needs support after watching her squander resources over her lifetime, never have a long term plan and expect that she will be someone else's responsibility. It makes me feel like a bad daughter to be so frustrated with her.

The feelings you expressed is 99% my story. My parents never have much thought to their retirement accounts and even with 401k my mom borrowed from it before her account matured fully so there was a tax penalty she was unaware of until it was too late.
My sibling doesn't care and his wife acts like everything is fine on our end because her parents live with them and despite being illegal residents they refuse to return to their homeland.

As the youngest I have always held the responsibility of helping my parents ends meet but now that I'm on the verge of marriage this task is getting harder to do.

It is interesting because my dad said to me. We can't afford to pay for college, but I know you can finish college without our help. But, I will make sure we have a secure retirement so you never have to care for us.

I would rather you be poor when you don't have children to raise than burdened when you do.

So no, we don't.

Yes - my in-laws. It's frustrating, but it's the right thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

I do something very similar. My sibling lives closer to my mother and also provides financial and physical support. My mother is terrible at long term planning and is completely clueless regarding finances. It sounds terrible, but I get very resentful when she needs support after watching her squander resources over her lifetime, never have a long term plan and expect that she will be someone else's responsibility. It makes me feel like a bad daughter to be so frustrated with her.

No.

Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

No and I don't ever see it happening. If my parents had financial trouble I would rather them move in with me. My grandparents are very self sufficient too.

That's kind of sad. I don't mean to be mean by saying that -- it's just sad that in our society older people need that kind of support. What a burden. I'm sorry, OP.

I pay for their rent and food. I am very lucky that DH is supportive.