"Mom, why is there a double standard? You throw a fit every time we make the slightest mess in your house, but look how you've left my kitchen: would you be happy if I did that in yours? Just because I'm your daughter it doesn't mean I have to clean up after you."

You bet I would be direct about it.

Take the "high road". But remember they are your parents, they raised you, and they may be getting to the point where life is just a bit more tiring. So ii is maybe the "high road" but maybe just the right road. I mean, I don't know your situation, you may have very young kids or physical issues yourself. But just consider that at this point, things may be shifting with your parents such that fair does not mean equal. They may need a break.

That said if you are doing your best at their house, your mom should probably also chill some. But it may just be wearing her out and so stressing her out.

How often is she there? I'd just accept the kitchen might be kinda messy for a few days and let it go. Not worth the fight.

What do you do when she ignore your house rules? There are ways to gently call her out without too much drama. "Mom, it would really help if you'd please take your dishes to the kitchen insetad of the leaving them on the coffee table. Remember what a grumpy mood you were in at Thanksgiving when your kitchen was a mess? That's how I feel now when you are ignore my attempts to keep things tidy."

My parents and I trade off hosting for thanksgiving since DH's family is local so when I host both sides can celebrate Thanksgiving together. (my family is Jewish so DH's side always gets Christmas). Anyway I generally get along with my parents but they can be so uptight about being hosts and then they get so rude as houseguests! For example cleanliness. If kitchen is a mess at my mom's house she has a snitfit and gets into a whole martyr routine. I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells to keep her happy. But when my parents visit they leave my kitchen a total mess. My parents also ignore other basic house rules. I'm trying to sort out how I want to handle this, whether I should take the high road or not.