Anonymous
11/28/2015 16:00
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So hubby called his mom on speakerphone while we were driving in the car. They mostly made small talk and at the end she asked about thanksgiving and how my " loser brother" was doing. Obviously she didn't know she was on speakerphone, but this shocked and upset me as my brother hasn't done anything to her. It also made me upset my husband did not tell her off for using that terminology.
My brother has had a few struggles in life for sure, but he is a nice guy, loves my husband and my sons and is good to us. I felt hurt that she was basically judging him when she had no place to do so.
I don't really know what to do about this situation as it deeply upsets me . She has insulted my mother as well in previous years and my husband doesn't do anything about it. Am I making too big a deal of this?
You know, since he didn't react, he has probably heard it before and probably agreed with her statement. Maybe if he had said "mom, stop calling him that", she might have answered "what? you call him that all the time?!?!"
This. It's obviously been a topic of conversation for them before.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:56
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:So hubby called his mom on speakerphone while we were driving in the car. They mostly made small talk and at the end she asked about thanksgiving and how my " loser brother" was doing. Obviously she didn't know she was on speakerphone, but this shocked and upset me as my brother hasn't done anything to her. It also made me upset my husband did not tell her off for using that terminology.
My brother has had a few struggles in life for sure, but he is a nice guy, loves my husband and my sons and is good to us. I felt hurt that she was basically judging him when she had no place to do so.
I don't really know what to do about this situation as it deeply upsets me . She has insulted my mother as well in previous years and my husband doesn't do anything about it. Am I making too big a deal of this?
You know, since he didn't react, he has probably heard it before and probably agreed with her statement. Maybe if he had said "mom, stop calling him that", she might have answered "what? you call him that all the time?!?!"
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:35
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That wasn't nice of her. But your husband should have told her she was on speakerphone.
+1
Or you! "Hey, Norma, you're on speaker! John's doing great, thanks for asking!"
That would have been fantastic!
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:29
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
How is he a loser let us judge
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:28
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:So you never ever say anything critical about the other side of your family?
MMkay.
Actually I don't to my parents because I worry that it would affect their relationship with my husband. And that relationship is quite good and I don't want to ruin that. If I find his family difficult at any point, I tell my husband directly and he definitely tells me too.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:25
Subject: Re:Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:Op here. He told her we were in the car and she knows we have Bluetooth. She probably just forgot and yeah it's her opinion sure- but it bothers me that she even feels comfortable disparaging him in front of my husband. For example I know my family wouldn't talk badly about my in laws to me even though they are difficult- because they are now my family. I feel hurt my husband thinks it's ok because for example it's not like she was insulting me. Forgetting she was on speakerphone is not an excuse.
People often say things to one person that they would not say to another person. Have you really never used disparaging language about a friend's spouse to another friend? About one work colleague to another colleague? To your sibling about ANY of your inlaws? You just said on this thread that your inlaws are difficult. Would you say that openly to your MIL?
As awkward as it is, the problem is that you overheard it, not that she said it.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:24
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
So you never ever say anything critical about the other side of your family?
MMkay.
MMkay.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:20
Subject: Re:Overheard mother in law insult my family
Op here. He told her we were in the car and she knows we have Bluetooth. She probably just forgot and yeah it's her opinion sure- but it bothers me that she even feels comfortable disparaging him in front of my husband. For example I know my family wouldn't talk badly about my in laws to me even though they are difficult- because they are now my family. I feel hurt my husband thinks it's ok because for example it's not like she was insulting me. Forgetting she was on speakerphone is not an excuse.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:19
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Anonymous wrote:That wasn't nice of her. But your husband should have told her she was on speakerphone.
+1
Or you! "Hey, Norma, you're on speaker! John's doing great, thanks for asking!"
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:16
Subject: Re:Overheard mother in law insult my family
Ideally your DH would call her and let her know that she was on speakerphone when she said it and that you are quite hurt. They can argue between them about whether he should have told her she was on speaker, and if she should have said it regardless, but either way she should know and have the opportunity to apologize if she chooses to do so.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:15
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Your husband should have said something about her insulting your family. And it's proper phone protocol that when someone is on speakerphone, you let them know who is hearing.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:14
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
Honestly if she thinks your brother is a loser there is nothing you can do about that. She didn't say it to him and she didn't even mean to say it in front of you so she wasn't trying to be rude. It may be an unfair judgement, but you can't change her thoughts.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:13
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
That's awful, I'm sorry op. At least you know her true colors now. Your husband should stand up to her.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:11
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
That wasn't nice of her. But your husband should have told her she was on speakerphone.
Anonymous
11/28/2015 15:09
Subject: Overheard mother in law insult my family
So hubby called his mom on speakerphone while we were driving in the car. They mostly made small talk and at the end she asked about thanksgiving and how my " loser brother" was doing. Obviously she didn't know she was on speakerphone, but this shocked and upset me as my brother hasn't done anything to her. It also made me upset my husband did not tell her off for using that terminology.
My brother has had a few struggles in life for sure, but he is a nice guy, loves my husband and my sons and is good to us. I felt hurt that she was basically judging him when she had no place to do so.
I don't really know what to do about this situation as it deeply upsets me . She has insulted my mother as well in previous years and my husband doesn't do anything about it. Am I making too big a deal of this?
My brother has had a few struggles in life for sure, but he is a nice guy, loves my husband and my sons and is good to us. I felt hurt that she was basically judging him when she had no place to do so.
I don't really know what to do about this situation as it deeply upsets me . She has insulted my mother as well in previous years and my husband doesn't do anything about it. Am I making too big a deal of this?