Please let your mom do as she wishes. See her later in the year.

In September I would have called your brother to discuss holiday plans. Then emailed your brother and mother together with the plan and with an offer to set up flights etc.

Communication.

It doesn't sound like you talk to your mom frequently. Maybe you should try talking to her more often?

Call her doctor's office and mention your concerns about her mental state.

And what does your brother have to say for himself?

It sounds like you and your brother came up with an initial plan last summer. But there was never any confirmation that the plan was a go and apparently your mother wasn't on board.

That sucks, but lesson learned is to keep everyone in communication.

Your mom is looking to guilt you and she threw in the medication thing for good measure. You invited her, she doesn't wasn't to come, nothing more you need to do except wish her a good time with her friend.

Call your brother and have him explain to your mom.

Unless of course you're just another DCUM doormat/martyr who prefers to be wounded than to directly communicate...

Two weeks before Thanksgiving and from her POV had even acknowledged her for Thanksgiving, let alone asked her to join them. I'd be feeling pretty sh*tty about it too. I don't understand why this is a vent about your mom and not your brother, who is clearly the one at fault here.

Slow down and start communicating clearly with people, in advance, about what plans are. Don't make assumptions based on trifling texts and emails that there is some Grand Plan for the holidays. Plans tend to change a lot, OP.

OP, in what way did your brother "flip the schedule?" How is this his fault? It sounds like a giant miscommunication -- maybe even that YOU made a bunch of assumptions based on an offer made all the way back last summer that might not have been accepted and might have been forgotten by everyone but you.

You should have confirmed that everyone was on board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you call your brother?

+1

+2. I also had trouble connecting the post to the subject line and figuring out exactly what is going on. It sounds like your brother did not invite her for Thanksgiving? So she is going to her friends house and does not want to travel to yours (understandable on the most traveled holiday of the year). I'm not getting what the issue is.

Anonymous wrote:Did you call your brother?

+1

Did you call your brother?

Um in all honesty YOU seem a bit loopy and spacey yourself. Maybe it just runs in your family. That was a long story and I couldn't quite figure out how it connected with your subject line.

Over the summer, my brother sent a text offering to host my mom (who lives alone and is a handful) for Thanksgiving.

I said thanks, and I'll take that info and offer our home for Christmas.

(We live in 3 states.)


I called my mom 2 weeks ago. No response.
I spoke to her last week. She brushed me off and told me to call another time. No reason given. Just that I should call back during the week (in retrospect, I remember saying I had 20 minutes or so, and I thought I'd check in, but I think she wanted more time so she could have a good rant.)
I spoke to her today (she called). I asked when she was leaving to see him and she said she had no plans to go, but wondered where I got that info.
"From him. A long time ago. I had no idea you weren't going. Would you like to here instead?"
"No. I don't think I want to travel." (She is young, relatively healthy, doesn't work, doesn't have any pets...) She said she was going to visit a friend.

She explained that she bought a ticket to see my brother for Christmas, but thought she'd come see me after Christmas.

I offered 2 other dates between now and then if she didn't want to come for Thanksgiving. I got 3 nos in total.

When I mentioned my kid had been ill and I was still recovering from a serious injury (well known), so I could not travel now (her suggestion-that I come to have some quality time on her turf) and I was asked why I don't ask for help. She has plenty of time.

Dude? I just asked you to come see me (and your grandkids) 3 times.

Just in case you were wondering what MY problem is, now you know. I just don't utilize all of the family love and support that falls from the sky on the reg.

The good news is I get to buy the small turkey (or go a restaurant) for my party of 5.

My concern (in addition to a desire to vent) is that she mentioned she has been "loopy" and "spacey" and is changing her medications, including some for anxiety and depression against her "stupid" doctor's advice. Been down that road before. Could she be missing out on entire conversations?

Do I need to just buckle up?