I think it's kind of nice of your brother to have that consideration for his wife. Some years, travel just isn't going to happen, surely you can understand that. I think that if you're in a big feud because of it, that's actually your doing. It's reasonable to be upset, but you need to accept it and move on.

I know I'm probably missing a huge piece of the dynamic , and that this is a vent, but maybe it would help things if you let go just a little bit.

Maybe your mother would rather come Thursday, but doesn't want to offend you by suggesting so. Maybe she'd like to come Wednesday, but senses your stress and is worried coming Wed. will make things worse for you, and she keeps asking to give you the opportunity to say so.
Maybe she's getting older and struggling with her memory, be patient.

As for your brother, sorry , but you are really out of line. There may be other issues going on there they haven't shared with the family yet. All you need say is, " Sorry you all can't make it. We'll miss you, and we'll catch up with you at X time."

For the gifts let people buy and spend what they want.

If your sister wants Christmas eve dinner let her do it then swap every year or let her have it every year, it's one less thing for you to do right.

For your holiday party, there are checklists you can lookup to help you organize it or drop the cash and have someone else do it for you.

But really for your own health Let. It. Go.

Anonymous wrote:You make your own dysfunction. Sorry, no sympathy.

What I was thi,king. Stop being a control freak, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Our family gets into major argument every Christmas whereas most do not have any issues rest of the year. The holidays bring out stresses in families, its a known fact. Best thing is to have a bottle of wine nearby at all times and meds if you take them, just grin and bear it. Know you are not alone.

As for the two scrooges who wrote above me- trust me they are sitting on Christmas day alone with their cats eating a TV dinner. Their holier than thou preaching wreaks of isolation and misery.

Better to be alone and happy, than with others and miserable.

You sound like one of those people who'd rather get married for the sake of being married and for fear of being alone, than be single. But hey you're with someone who makes you stressed out, angry, hurt, and are constantly fighting with, but at least you're not alone. So, uh, great?

Actually yes my relationship with lu husband and kids is amazing !

Extended family not so much but nothing in life s perfect and I sure would rather have some people to love and celebrate with than no one at all!

Anonymous wrote:OP Our family gets into major argument every Christmas whereas most do not have any issues rest of the year. The holidays bring out stresses in families, its a known fact. Best thing is to have a bottle of wine nearby at all times and meds if you take them, just grin and bear it. Know you are not alone.

As for the two scrooges who wrote above me- trust me they are sitting on Christmas day alone with their cats eating a TV dinner. Their holier than thou preaching wreaks of isolation and misery.

Better to be alone and happy, than with others and miserable.

You sound like one of those people who'd rather get married for the sake of being married and for fear of being alone, than be single. But hey you're with someone who makes you stressed out, angry, hurt, and are constantly fighting with, but at least you're not alone. So, uh, great?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You make your own dysfunction. Sorry, no sympathy.

One person cannot make an entire family dysfunctional. Sorry does not happen. Takes more than one my friend.

Not usually true. If drama and conflict seem to always include one person, and that person is the common denominator of multiple, simultaneous conflicts, the problem is usually them. Again, common denominator.

OP, back away from all of it. Make your plans and let others fit in where and how they can. Tell your mom to arrive X day, and let you know if she changes her mind.

They can't argue with you if you aren't participating.

We fight like hyeanas then make up and all is well again. But my sister and husband decided they would not celebrate holidays and for the last 6 years they go away with their kids to Hawaii and do their own thing. I am starting to think they might have the right idea.

Anonymous wrote:You make your own dysfunction. Sorry, no sympathy.

One person cannot make an entire family dysfunctional. Sorry does not happen. Takes more than one my friend.

It sounds like your family members would happily give you something to "put you out" through the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:You make your own dysfunction. Sorry, no sympathy.

Yup. Sounds like you thrive on chaos/disagreements.

OP Our family gets into major argument every Christmas whereas most do not have any issues rest of the year. The holidays bring out stresses in families, its a known fact. Best thing is to have a bottle of wine nearby at all times and meds if you take them, just grin and bear it. Know you are not alone.

As for the two scrooges who wrote above me- trust me they are sitting on Christmas day alone with their cats eating a TV dinner. Their holier than thou preaching wreaks of isolation and misery.

OP, if it's *you* who is constantly getting in tiffs with everyone, the problem is most likely you.

Let go of the control issues. Let people come if they can, when they can, and do/bring/buy what they can. Everything doesn't have to be so structured, ordered, and perfectly including everyone because "it's Christmas."

You make your own dysfunction. Sorry, no sympathy.

Please give me something that will put me out for the next month and wake me up Dec. 26th. Let's see this is my holiday list....

Get in argument with sister over who is hosting Christmas eve- check
Am in a big feud with my brother who lives out of town who is now saying he is not coming for Christmas because his wife and her career are busy (when I said then just have her fly for a day or two and then leave when she has to, his response was that he would not ask to "inconvenience" her to do all that traveling after how hard she works. Um....it is Christmas, is that maybe just a little bit worth the "inconvenience"?
Argue with other family members about how to structure gifts for all the many cousins (setting a dollar amount we all agree on)- check
Argument today with mother over what day they will arrive for Thanksgiving, she has only told me FOUR times they are coming Wed. afternoon only to ask me again today if they should come Wed. OR Tues OR Thanksgiving day....argh!!!!!
Serious stress over a holiday party we have agreed to host and suddenly I am feeling very anxious about

And this is just Nov. 22nd! HELP. Where is the joy in the holidays? Can someone please remind me and someone please tell me I am not alone or else I have the most dysfunctional family Sorry had to vent!