Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:33
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.
My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.
I read the OP, and pictured toddlers running around unsupervised by a lake, and was clearly horrified. But here you seem horrified that kids, who were older than toddler age were alone in a finished room playing with toys and sporting equipment. It makes me wonder if you're a hypervigilant parent who is judging other parents for not living up to your standards.
OP, can you clarify how old these kids are, and whether the parents are leaving them outside or inside and "expecting" you to watch them?
NP. Are you serious? Have you never seen the old-fashioned ice skates she's talking about. Those have serious BLADES.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:26
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Well OP did say that there was an incident when a child was missing for an hour and found under a neighbors porch, so that sounds like a huge issue to me
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:21
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.
My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.
I read the OP, and pictured toddlers running around unsupervised by a lake, and was clearly horrified. But here you seem horrified that kids, who were older than toddler age were alone in a finished room playing with toys and sporting equipment. It makes me wonder if you're a hypervigilant parent who is judging other parents for not living up to your standards.
OP, can you clarify how old these kids are, and whether the parents are leaving them outside or inside and "expecting" you to watch them?
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:17
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.
My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:15
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
^^PP here
The person who owns the home needs to set some rules. As in, no children under 12 outside without an adult. Only one adult to 4 children (or whatever number you come up with).
You need to sit down with the concerne family members, make up the rules, and present them before this family gathering from the homeowner.
Fwiw, All kids under 12 have to wear a life jacket if out in the yard without an adult at my cousins lake house. Her house, her rules, her liability (though all of our fear obviously).
The person who owns the home needs to set some rules. As in, no children under 12 outside without an adult. Only one adult to 4 children (or whatever number you come up with).
You need to sit down with the concerne family members, make up the rules, and present them before this family gathering from the homeowner.
Fwiw, All kids under 12 have to wear a life jacket if out in the yard without an adult at my cousins lake house. Her house, her rules, her liability (though all of our fear obviously).
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:14
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
My BIL and SIL were like this. We had older kids who didn't need as much attention. I unintentionally solved the problem by not being very nice to her kids when they were acting up. (By not nice I mean making sure when I told them to do something, they did it) SIL didn't like it, so she stuck closer.
They went so far as to assume that one weekend when we were all going to be at the cabin, we would be there in time to look after their kids while BIL and SIL went and did something. They sat in front of us making plans. Their one child asked "who is taking care of us?" and we said nothing. We didn't arrive until long after BIL and SIL wanted to be gone on their outing.
Point made.
I would make sure nothing disastrous happens but that's it. If their kids want something tell them to go check with mom and dad.
They went so far as to assume that one weekend when we were all going to be at the cabin, we would be there in time to look after their kids while BIL and SIL went and did something. They sat in front of us making plans. Their one child asked "who is taking care of us?" and we said nothing. We didn't arrive until long after BIL and SIL wanted to be gone on their outing.
Point made.
I would make sure nothing disastrous happens but that's it. If their kids want something tell them to go check with mom and dad.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:11
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Whose house is it and why are they not stepping up since it's their liability with a lake in their backyard?
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:06
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Anonymous wrote:I suggest you make a visible show of drinking heavily, thereby disqualifying you from being a chaperone of any reliability.
Plus, fun.
Winning post!
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:06
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
OP here. I should mention that, two summers ago, my cousin's little boy went missing for more than an hour. (I wasn't there.) They were terrified of finding him in the lake. Luckily, he was next door, hiding underneath the neighbors' porch.
It's so frustrating! Like I said, I'm happy to watch them--so are the other adults--but it's so easy in that "everybody's in charge" scenario to assume that you can go to the bathroom or to make yourself a snack because "someone else" is in charge...
It's so frustrating! Like I said, I'm happy to watch them--so are the other adults--but it's so easy in that "everybody's in charge" scenario to assume that you can go to the bathroom or to make yourself a snack because "someone else" is in charge...
Anonymous
11/22/2015 18:00
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Let them go unsupervised. Hopefully it will just be a broken bone and not a dead kid.
It would really annoy me too. Who naps when their kids are awake??
It would really annoy me too. Who naps when their kids are awake??
Anonymous
11/22/2015 17:50
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
It's probably the family style setting.
As long as you all gather together in such large numbers, certain family members who are prone to slacking will just assume that the rest of you will cover for them.
Extended family vacationers at the lakeside cottage with built in babysitting. What's not to like!
Anonymous
11/22/2015 17:39
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.
My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 17:18
Subject: Re:Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 17:13
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
I suggest you make a visible show of drinking heavily, thereby disqualifying you from being a chaperone of any reliability.
Plus, fun.
Plus, fun.
Anonymous
11/22/2015 17:10
Subject: Happy to watch your kids...but you have to actually ASK.
My sister and one of my older cousins have 3 and 2 kids, respectively. For some reason, they and their spouses don't feel the need to actually watch their kids at family gatehrings. What really complicates this dynamic is the fact that we gather at the family lake cottage. So, even in the winter, a body of water is a factor and is a very real danger. My brother and two other cousins and I all have two kids each. We all watch our kids, often taking turns with our spouses.
It's not that I'm not willing to help watch my sister's kids or my cousin's kids. Happy to do so, especially as the little kids are playing in various permutations. The problem is that my sister and my cousin just drift away...one minute they are in the room, then they are napping or taking a walk around the lake with their husbands, or they've even gone to town for groceries without informing ANYONE.
This is my philosophy: it's definitely fine to ask someone else to watch your kids, but you have to actually ask! Not doing so--and not recognizing that it is, in fact, a favor that warrants a "please" and "thank you"--is obnoxious. It's like you would never say, "Someone call 911." You say, "YOU, call 911." Someone has to know they are the adult on duty!
I'm tempted to just let their kids go unsupervised and wait until it catches up with my sister and/or my cousin--if one of their kids eats a bag of sugar or breaks a lamp, oh well. But there is no way I can do this with that lake around. There's also an upstairs balcony that my sister's toddler has gotten onto before--it has a railing, but essentially is open to the deck below.
And yes, I've addressed this with them directly, and nothing changes. I'm really dreading this dynamic this holiday season. Any suggestions? The other cousins, my brothers, my parents, and my cousin's parents agree that this is a problem.
It's not that I'm not willing to help watch my sister's kids or my cousin's kids. Happy to do so, especially as the little kids are playing in various permutations. The problem is that my sister and my cousin just drift away...one minute they are in the room, then they are napping or taking a walk around the lake with their husbands, or they've even gone to town for groceries without informing ANYONE.
This is my philosophy: it's definitely fine to ask someone else to watch your kids, but you have to actually ask! Not doing so--and not recognizing that it is, in fact, a favor that warrants a "please" and "thank you"--is obnoxious. It's like you would never say, "Someone call 911." You say, "YOU, call 911." Someone has to know they are the adult on duty!
I'm tempted to just let their kids go unsupervised and wait until it catches up with my sister and/or my cousin--if one of their kids eats a bag of sugar or breaks a lamp, oh well. But there is no way I can do this with that lake around. There's also an upstairs balcony that my sister's toddler has gotten onto before--it has a railing, but essentially is open to the deck below.
And yes, I've addressed this with them directly, and nothing changes. I'm really dreading this dynamic this holiday season. Any suggestions? The other cousins, my brothers, my parents, and my cousin's parents agree that this is a problem.