Why does she have to first?

Your DH needs to step it up.

The two of you are about to be responsible for another human being one who truly is dependent on other people and he needs to get used to pushing his mother's whims further down on his list of priorities.

People get told as you see them. You can ask them to hold off talking about it on social media, but the reality is once you tell one you have to be prepared for all to know.

Send her the ornament in the mail as planned.

Oh geez. The pregnancy is about you! Who cares when or how you tell people. If they get their feelings hurt, too fucking bad.

You are not wrong, he is. Between needing to know first and cancelling her birthday because your SIL can't be there, it's pretty clear your MIL has some emotional health issues, and you shouldn't be held hostage by them. Your MIL had the opportunity to find out first in person (even if she didn't realize it), and she decided to cancel on you. It's not fair to you or your family for you to lose the opportunity to tell them in person just because your MIL is/will throw a temper tantrum. I would tell your husband you want to keep your plan to tell your family in person, and he can decide whether he wants to wait to tell his mother until he can do it in person, or tell her by phone or other means before you tell your family. After all, if a card is good enough for letting your family know, it should be good enough for his mother as well.

Call and tell her you mailed her a special birthday gift, and that you'd like to be on the phone with her/on FaceTime with her when she opens it.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her over the phone.

Yes. Or mail her the ornament.

I wouldn't lose out on the opportunity to tell your family in person just because MIL needs to be the first to know. I'd either find a way to see her first, tell her on Skype, or let her find out on Christmas. I'd tell everyone it's not on social media yet, and to keep it off of there until you post it first. Her emotional needs don't trump yours.

How far away is she? Can you just get together with her for brunch or dinner this weekend and tell her? If so, I'd do that. If you can't see her until Christmas, I'd tell my side of the family and ask them to NOT mention it on social media bc my MIL doesn't know.

And quite frankly if she found out and knew she hadn't known first I'd tell her nicely to get over herself - this is about sharing joy about a new family member with the whole family. Not about sharing it with ONE person.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your family in person.

Call his mom before the family gathering #1, as in right before you get there. Tell everyone who is there.

Be prepared that she will likely have told everyone on your behalf by family gathering #2.

If you want to tell everyone in person, consider your MIL/SIL issue a true blessing.

The way you had things set up, everyone will know your news via MIL before any of the family gatherings. Trust me on this one.

Tell her over the phone/Skype. Also, be prepared if her reaction is more flat/muted than you might think. Most married couples do manage to reproduce at some point, after all. Tell other people as you see them. Don't feel as you have to be held hostage to some weird bean counting by your MIL.

Tell your family in person.

Call his mom before the family gathering #1, as in right before you get there. Tell everyone who is there.

Be prepared that she will likely have told everyone on your behalf by family gathering #2.

Op here, sorry for confusion, my mother is deceased.

Hope this makes sense-we see my immediate family right after MILs birthday, my extended the weekend after, 1/2 of his extended the day before Christmas, and the other 1/2 the day after Christmas (with inlaws) so it really is perfect timing to get the opportunity to tell everyone in person. Almost all family lives nearby except in-laws who moved 4 hours away recently for retirement. And because of the traveling to everyone's houses, we have our friends for Christmas day who don't have family in the area. This includes our godchildren. I am just frustrated because telling everyone over the holidays was perfect and I was so excited to share the news..I thought DH would get it.

Tell your mother when you see her.

Tell MIL when you see her. Or call her right before you head over to your parents.

Don't start this off by playing games and catering to outrageous requests or it will just snowball into her beancounting because she wasn't in the delivery room, there to help you postpartum, comparing minutes that you spend with the other grandparent...

She has to know before your mom? That makes no sense.

Do you see all of them at Christmas together? Or one family at a time?

I would tell her over the phone.

We have been planning on telling in laws at MILs birthday celebration. She will flip if she's not told first, so we had an ornament made for her and wanted to give it to her as we were leaving as a "last minute forgotten gift." This would then start the holiday travel train where we can tell all other extended family and friends in person.

MIL is completely codependent on SIL and just told us today over text not to bother coming for her birthday anymore because SIL can't make it. She said we will celebrate it over Christmas now instead. I said okay, and told DH we continue the original plans of telling everyone else when we see them. He can't believe that I would even dream of telling anyone else before her and wants to wait and announce it with a card after the holidays. Outside perspective needed.. I think it's ridiculous to hold off telling 50 other people because his mom can't celebrate an insignificant birthday anyway without his sister there holding her hand. I want to tell my family in person when I see them and this is getting taken away from me. Am I in the wrong? We continue as planned and tell MIL the next time she allows us to be in her presence? Or wait? Wwyd? This is my first pregnancy and the first grandchild on both of our sides.