Anonymous wrote:Can you live without CS? Offer to give him a pass if he lets you keep the kids.

Not in the children's best interests.

I hate questions like this, because why would it be in your kids' best interests to lose their father permanently? Really, OP? This is their father. Just because you hate him and it would be easier on you not to deal with him -- they should have him X'd out of their lives?

Think about what you are asking for them.

Can you live without CS? Offer to give him a pass if he lets you keep the kids.

Ugh.... you really need a lawyer who has experience with international child custody! You need to strategize about how you want this situation to turn out in terms of custody and location to live.

PP above is right about being careful about moving unilaterally. You might have been able to do this when you were pregnant, but with a 2 year old, it's not advisable. Again, consult attorney.

How long can you keep it together to set up the situation you want after the split?

I was appalled by my husband's cheating and had very clear evidence, although that doesn't matter in court. What is ironic is that although finding out about the cheating made it clear that he told me many lies over a long period of time, I still felt obliged to be upfront with him. I felt obliged to be honest and tell him I found out and ask him what was going on and work with him honestly to resolve our situation.

That was a huge mistake. It would have been better for me (and the kids) if I had kept quite, watched his behavior and activities and also focused on pretending we still had a good marriage while setting myself up for a more stable life. In my situation, I lost out on a very good job in NY. It would have been better if I had pretended the marriage was OK and gotten either my husband's agreement to move there with our daughter or move all of us together as a family. (The job was very high paying, and if my husband had believed that we were all still a family, he likely would have agreed to either scenario.) Then if I had held out another 6 months to establish residency, I could have filed in NY for custody and likely would have been able to remain there. Now I am stuck in DC with more limited job prospects. Huge mistake on my part. I owed nothing to someone who lied as deeply as he did. Devastating impact on my kid's life opportunities.

Time to start communicating with him about your family's situation, the affair, etc. You owe it to your children, no matter how annoyed you are with him. Single parenting an infant and 2 year old could break you. It will not be sunshine and roses.

Get to therapy. I can tell it will help you.

He's a cheater to that makes him a scumbag husband. How is he as a fsther?

The default is 50/50 without proof that one of you poses a real risk to your children. Preventing a relationship with their father is not a decision you should be taking lightly. It doesn't matter if you don't feel like coparenting. Suck it up and put your kids' needs first.

You'll probably get 50/50 legal custody, which means you guys have to make joint decisions on big issues like school, religion, medical issues. And you'll likely get full physical custody, and he'll get visitation. So I can see your kids summering in Great Britain, I'm afraid. Unless he ditches the kids, which presents its own set of problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hasn't hurt the kids beyond being a lying cheating asshat.
Currently live in DC, but I will probably move back home to be close to my family in the Boston area.

Move before you file for divorce. If you don't and he wants custody, you could be forced to stay in DC if you want partial custody.

This is not good advice. In some states, it is not lawful for a parent to take a child out of state without the other parent's consent and doing so constitutes kidnapping, even when it is your own child. More information:

http://info.legalzoom.com/can-one-parent-child-out-state-prior-divorce-filing-25289.html

However, parents of minor children are not necessarily free to move anywhere with a child and file for divorce. Furthermore, most states have enacted specific laws aimed at preventing the kidnapping of children and enforcing custody orders across state lines.

Anonymous wrote:Is he planning on taking them with him to the UK?

Don't think so. Haven't told him I'm divorcing him yet. He also doesn't know that I know he's cheating.

Is he planning on taking them with him to the UK?

Anonymous wrote:Hasn't hurt the kids beyond being a lying cheating asshat.
Currently live in DC, but I will probably move back home to be close to my family in the Boston area.

Move before you file for divorce. If you don't and he wants custody, you could be forced to stay in DC if you want partial custody.

Hasn't hurt the kids beyond being a lying cheating asshat.
Currently live in DC, but I will probably move back home to be close to my family in the Boston area.

Depends on the state but it will likely be 50/50 unless he has done something bad to the child and it can be proven.

I'm knocked up by my idiot soon to be ex husband and we have a 2 year old.
I'm American he's a Brit. We reside in the States, though once the divorce is final he will likely return to his country of birth.