Anonymous wrote:so I am going to try here, though not officially a family relationship.

Very close friend dropped the ball. Had asked her to pick up DS as we were out of town and would not be back in time to get him from school activity. Has helped out a lot in order to pay off a loan. She was an HOUR late to pick him up. A mom had to cover. She says she is sorry, knows that she screwed up - well, all that happened over email and text. When we returned later that day, however, she did not say anything about it. Is this in my court to bring up? Should I tell her I don't think I can count on her again? She knew she would be late, but she didn't contact me until after the mom contacted me.

Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so I am going to try here, though not officially a family relationship.

Very close friend dropped the ball. Had asked her to pick up DS as we were out of town and would not be back in time to get him from school activity. Has helped out a lot in order to pay off a loan. She was an HOUR late to pick him up. A mom had to cover. She says she is sorry, knows that she screwed up - well, all that happened over email and text. When we returned later that day, however, she did not say anything about it. Is this in my court to bring up? Should I tell her I don't think I can count on her again? She knew she would be late, but she didn't contact me until after the mom contacted me.

Thoughts?

OK... so you have a non-family member who has helped you pay off a loan... and you asked her to pick up YOUR child and because she was late doing YOUR job you plan to pull away from her? YOU are very selfish.

Further, parents are late all the time. Things happen. Maybe it would be better for your "friend" if you did pull away.

Anonymous wrote:so I am going to try here, though not officially a family relationship.

Very close friend dropped the ball. Had asked her to pick up DS as we were out of town and would not be back in time to get him from school activity. Has helped out a lot in order to pay off a loan. She was an HOUR late to pick him up. A mom had to cover. She says she is sorry, knows that she screwed up - well, all that happened over email and text. When we returned later that day, however, she did not say anything about it. Is this in my court to bring up? Should I tell her I don't think I can count on her again? She knew she would be late, but she didn't contact me until after the mom contacted me.

Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:She was late to pick up your child and did not contact you. After she had no choice but to own up to it over texts she did not say anything about this enormous failure.

I understand things happen, I do not understand someone not prioritizing picking up a child and letting the parents know the status.

I would be totally speechless and I would h ave issues with the friendship moving forward absent the friendmaking some kind of serious mea culpa effort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been good friends for a long time so seems wrong to avoid discussing. I envision I am going to pull away over this.

You've been "good friends for a long time" and you would "pull away" over one single foul-up? Granted, depending on the situation, it could be a serious one, but it wasn't, in the end. Not ideal, but not a disaster.

She might not have apologized again verbally because she did so by text. And because she's embarrassed, probably anticipating too that you are angry. And if I read the post right, you gave her a loan and she's repaying you with this kind of "helping out" -- that would be enough to make her feel she let you down, and frankly, she might be clamming up because she's afraid of offending you or having you say the "repayment by help" arrangement is over. Is it? She might be feeling more like an employee who might get fired than the "very close friend" you say she is.

You don't say in the post if you know what reason she had, but you mention that "she knew she would be late." Did she really know she would end up a full hour late, or was she expecting to be a bit late and it ballooned due to -- what? Traffic, a delay at whatever appointment she was at, urgent phone call, work emergency out of her control, what? And is it possible that she didn't call you immediately because, since you were out of town and nowhere nearby, she knew there wasn't much you could do about it, and she was more focused on trying to get to the pickup than on stopping to report?

I think the circumstances do matter if she has been otherwise reliable. I also think she might be reluctant to tell you if there's something wrong with her, her car, her family, whatever, because you now have a relationship that isn't just one of friendship but a transaction.

With a "very close friend," why doesn't your mind go to, "Maybe something's wrong in her life and she's not telling me, and I should ask her about it as her friend"? Or is the friendship contingent on her never messing up? Yeah, it was a big mess-up. But not a pattern. Why the quick willingness to pull back from her, and no indication that you might be concerned about her?

Anonymous wrote:We've been good friends for a long time so seems wrong to avoid discussing. I envision I am going to pull away over this.

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring it up, but never rely on her again for something like kid pickup.