Anonymous wrote:1) Why do you never visit YOUR family on Thanksgiving? Why not mix it up?
2) Why do YOU never host on Thanksgiving?

Offer to bring specific things, but if they say no, drop it. Why not make yourself a nice "your-way" Thanksgiving meal another time, or just enjoy your wine and cranberry sauce the next day with leftovers, as a PP suggested?

OP here. I do hope to visit my family on Thanksgiving, but I work the day before and after Thanksgiving so it's not feasible.
We do host a very large Thanksgiving the weekend before Thanksgiving for all of our friends. Inlaws host the real Thanksgiving and aren't interested in attending ours.

I think it's rude to bring dishes when asked not to. If I made some sort of elaborate cranberry dish every year, I probably would not appreciate your bringing the canned stuff - it says that my dish sucks. Even if you believe that, you aren't supposed to let on! If you want it a specific way, you have to have it at your house.

1) Why do you never visit YOUR family on Thanksgiving? Why not mix it up?
2) Why do YOU never host on Thanksgiving?

Offer to bring specific things, but if they say no, drop it. Why not make yourself a nice "your-way" Thanksgiving meal another time, or just enjoy your wine and cranberry sauce the next day with leftovers, as a PP suggested?

The cranberry sauce is not worthing fighting for. As PPs suggested, eat it with leftovers.

The moscato would be a total deal-breaker for me. In that case, simply open your red and say "Thanks, but I'm in the mood for red. Cheers!"

They are being extremely rude and condescending. They have no interest in what you like to boot. I would talk to DH about making alternate plans for thanksgiving in the future. Let him know how you feel.

Just eat a can of cranberry sauce the day before or day after you go. WTF is the obsession with eating your special food on the exact day? We celebrate Thanksgiving two weeks before it happens because we're out of the country each year for it. No big deal.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I mean in general about bringing dishes (the cranberries were just a thought this year). Every year I try different things and no one is interested. Or tells me that it's not part of their family tradition to eat that.

They sound incredibly rude, OP. You are being generous and in the t-day spirit. They are not.

OP here. I mean in general about bringing dishes (the cranberries were just a thought this year). Every year I try different things and no one is interested. Or tells me that it's not part of their family tradition to eat that.

We have two kinds of stuffing. One side of the family had a different favorite. No biggie.

Maybe you could take a bag of sugar and pour some over your plate of food to make it more "southern-style"?

Can you have the cranberry sauce and wine on Friday w/ some leftover turkey? Or make a small turkey/breast on Friday if you don't get leftovers from the in-laws' house. I think MIL might be offended if you brought the cranberry sauce when she's making her own.

How about...
Would you mind if I brought my favorite "xxxxxx" dish? I know you probably have plenty of food planned but it is not Thanksgiving to me without this childhood favorite of mine.

And OP, you just say you'd like a glass of the red you brought...or open it yourself.

Cranberry sauce and wine!? Bring it!

I think you can always bring a condiment like that, or any dish that is special to you from your own traditions. As a constant host I would never take offense from someone who brought something that is from their childhood. That's what thanksgiving is about - traditions, both old and new.

And you can NEVER have too much wine.

Is there a rule for what one can and can’t bring to holiday meals at inlaws houses? This will be year 10 for them hosting Thanksgiving. I miss more southern style Thanksgiving foods that I grew up with desperately. Anytime I ask what I can bring, I’m told “just yourselves.” For a while I decided they were just being polite and I brought items anyways. Some items were met with scorn or even worse not served on Thanksgiving (I was told they’d enjoy it better the next day for lunch), but my pie did become a staple and I know they look forward to it yearly.

Something really small that I’ve been craving is canned cranberry sauce (the sliced kind). Everyone raves about my MIL’s cranberry recipe though, so I don’t want to compete with her. I also would like red wine, but was told that they don’t like red wine and they served me a moscato instead when I brought red. Am I being rude bringing things I want to eat or should I just accept that I can’t have any control over the menu?