Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not have a 2nd child just so your other child has a sibling. (Imagine you go through all this work only for the kids to hate each other, as kids and/or adults). Only do this if you (and DH) want another child.

I know SGF has a very strict NO KIDS policy. But I think the other ones around here are more lenient about this.

Does your neighborhood have a FB page? I know mine had both a general neighborhood page and also a Mom's Group. Maybe you can find someone in your neighborhood that is willing to watch your toddler early in the morning.

As for monitoring appts-for a fresh cycle, there are a lot. In the first week you'll be going in every 3-4 days, but as they get closer you could be going every day or every other day. And your DH would not be able to put in prior because every cycle is different. You could go for retrieval on day 12/13 or it could be as late as day 18/19. It just depends.

Can he switch shifts with someone for the 2-3 weeks during your cycle?

I've heard that but when we went for our initial appointment a few weeks ago, there were a couple people there with infants. Maybe they were just coming for a checkup or to show off the babies? The kids did seem a little young for the moms to be thinking of trying again!

If you were there outside of monitoring hours 7-ish to 9-ish, then yes, they were there to show off the babies. But during monitoring hours, they are very strict about NO KIDS.

Anonymous wrote:Please do not have a 2nd child just so your other child has a sibling. (Imagine you go through all this work only for the kids to hate each other, as kids and/or adults). Only do this if you (and DH) want another child.

I know SGF has a very strict NO KIDS policy. But I think the other ones around here are more lenient about this.

Does your neighborhood have a FB page? I know mine had both a general neighborhood page and also a Mom's Group. Maybe you can find someone in your neighborhood that is willing to watch your toddler early in the morning.

As for monitoring appts-for a fresh cycle, there are a lot. In the first week you'll be going in every 3-4 days, but as they get closer you could be going every day or every other day. And your DH would not be able to put in prior because every cycle is different. You could go for retrieval on day 12/13 or it could be as late as day 18/19. It just depends.

Can he switch shifts with someone for the 2-3 weeks during your cycle?

I've heard that but when we went for our initial appointment a few weeks ago, there were a couple people there with infants. Maybe they were just coming for a checkup or to show off the babies? The kids did seem a little young for the moms to be thinking of trying again!

Please do not have a 2nd child just so your other child has a sibling. (Imagine you go through all this work only for the kids to hate each other, as kids and/or adults). Only do this if you (and DH) want another child.

I know SGF has a very strict NO KIDS policy. But I think the other ones around here are more lenient about this.

Does your neighborhood have a FB page? I know mine had both a general neighborhood page and also a Mom's Group. Maybe you can find someone in your neighborhood that is willing to watch your toddler early in the morning.

As for monitoring appts-for a fresh cycle, there are a lot. In the first week you'll be going in every 3-4 days, but as they get closer you could be going every day or every other day. And your DH would not be able to put in prior because every cycle is different. You could go for retrieval on day 12/13 or it could be as late as day 18/19. It just depends.

Can he switch shifts with someone for the 2-3 weeks during your cycle?

OP, your fears are really understandable. It's so hard. Please get in touch with a Resolve support group as soon as possible. It'll be a big relief to talk all this over with other women/couples in your same situation. I was not a support group person, and had to mentally prepare myself to go to the first meeting, and I am so glad I did. Good luck to you. Your feelings are completely justifiable. Big hugs to you.

OP it's good that you're thinking this through ahead of time. Fertility treatments are so much harder when you have a toddler at home to take care of. I thought IVF was a breeze the first time around but have had a very difficult time with FETs now that I have a toddler. We have decided to stop after the frozen embryos are gone. I know I could not handle a fresh cycle now. I also have similar medical fears but that part is manageable I think. The monitoring appointments are nothing like Obgyn appointments, they are much easier, and you kind of get used to it.

my wife decided she didn't want the repeated medical appointments and injections and cost and other stuff involved in IVF. We've done some IUIs, all unsuccessful (one resulted in miscarriage) and if the next few don't work, we're done. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Our RE's office heavily pressured us to switch to IVF (more money for them that way, and no more bringing down their IUI numbers) but it's your body, mind, finances, etc. that should matter to you.

I used to be so scared of everything, OP. I was the very stereotypical mousy skittish female. I couldn't even look at a needle.

After several rounds of IF treatments and two children, I can tell you that I have learned to be strong and confident, and I am proud of how much I have grown. I am a much better mother and role model than I would have been.

You can do it. Best wishes.

I imagine you mom friends who work have nannies or use day care centers. Could you pay a friends nanny to take care of your toddler? Can you do drop in at a day care center? Any colleges nearby? they usualky have bulletin boards to post help wanted ads. You can find someone to watch your kid.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experiences. About the monitoring/childcare issue, my husband has to be at work by 6 am and in addition he can't take one or two hours off, if he has to take time off then he has to take the entire day off (he does shift work and his shift starts at 6 am). I really have no idea who I could get to watch our toddler during these monitoring appointments--we have no local family and I don't have any SAHM friends (only full-time working friends). This adds to the stress of the whole thing. My only idea is that we fly in my MIL to babysit (from the midwest). How many monitoring appointments would I need for typical IVF?

Where are you located?

Hi OP, just wanted to say that I applaud you for doing the emotional work to identify what you think might be holding you back.

But I don't think it's really the white coat stuff. That's all temporary, and an excuse you're making to avoid working on might really holding you back. And it's something you have more control over: building community in your life.

Why don't you take it one step at a time? beginning with identifying some resources that can help you find care for your toddler. Friends who will watch your child in the mornings during appointments, a support group, neighbors, a babysitting exchange, a reliable babysitter you pay. This is stuff that won't get any easier with a second child -- when you will find community is even more crucial. But if you start to get a community in place now, you'll find that everything gets easier to do.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experiences. About the monitoring/childcare issue, my husband has to be at work by 6 am and in addition he can't take one or two hours off, if he has to take time off then he has to take the entire day off (he does shift work and his shift starts at 6 am). I really have no idea who I could get to watch our toddler during these monitoring appointments--we have no local family and I don't have any SAHM friends (only full-time working friends). This adds to the stress of the whole thing. My only idea is that we fly in my MIL to babysit (from the midwest). How many monitoring appointments would I need for typical IVF?

You may want to discuss your situation with you provider. While it is considered insensitive to bring kids to these appointments, they might be able to make an arrangement with you where you have the first appointment and are whisked back to a room right away with child. I don't remember exactly how many appointments per cycle, but I would estimate around 6-8?

OP here. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experiences. About the monitoring/childcare issue, my husband has to be at work by 6 am and in addition he can't take one or two hours off, if he has to take time off then he has to take the entire day off (he does shift work and his shift starts at 6 am). I really have no idea who I could get to watch our toddler during these monitoring appointments--we have no local family and I don't have any SAHM friends (only full-time working friends). This adds to the stress of the whole thing. My only idea is that we fly in my MIL to babysit (from the midwest). How many monitoring appointments would I need for typical IVF?

OP: you are stronger than you realized. I was the same, took forever to finally get my tests done and was scared of the HSG dye test and it costs me 1-2 years before I realized that pregnancy is really not happening and I need to do what it takes. I also have involuntary tightening of the PC muscles during even the simplest exam. Imagine my horror when I realized how much of vaginal ultrasounds were involved. But I survived! You can do it. May not be easy but you can.

I have a needle phobia that is quite severe. IF treatments were my worst nightmare, but I knew that I wanted a child more than I wanted not to confront my anxiety. I had to take heavy sedatives to get through the blood draws (and at first the shots themselves) and they minimized them for me, but it was hard when the first try didn't work. If you have a major white coat issue, remember that you can take things to help since you aren't pregnant. Also, your DH likely can watch your child without taking much time off since the monitoring hours start really early so that women can get to work. I WOH FT and was never late to work, and took only ER off during each cycle.

Good luck whatever you choose!

Recently diagnosed with secondary infertility (decreased ovarian reserve). I'm 37. I've met with REs at two different clinics now for evaluations and have started some of the preliminary testing which has revealed decreased ovarian reserve. I really want a second child, but I truly don't know if I can handle/make it through infertility treatments both emotionally and physically. I have never taken medication before (other than pre-natals), and all the meds/hormone shots terrify me. I can't swallow pills either (even tiny ones). The thought of medical appointments/being poked and prodded/monitoring/retrievals, etc. makes me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. I have major white coat syndrome, which was an issue all through my pregnancy (very easy pregnancy yet I had tons of anxiety about the routine Dr's appts. which are easy compared to infertility appts.)

I have no support network other than my husband. And no local family/babysitters to help take care of our toddler so my husband could be with me at these appointments (I'm a SAHM). So I would have to go to all appointments alone, including retrieval, while husband stays home with our toddler. I guess my husband would have to take a lot of time off work for these appts. to watch our toddler.

I want a sibling for my child but truly do not think I can emotionally or physically handle infertility treatments, especially with next to no support. I feel very overwhelmed and highly anxious when I think about getting started down the infertility treatment road. In the meantime, we continue to try naturally, with no luck so far (8 months). Anyone else feel like they couldn't get through it? If so, how did you decide to proceed?