I completely agree with this approach. I was the only DIL (still am - go figure) and brought up "no gifts for the (well-earning, able bodied - not out loud) adults" in the early years. Of course, I was the bad guy - and am always willing to take that hit. But now, people just buy for whom they wish to buy. And it is great, honestly. I don't care if I have one less list to make. Not one of us needs more stuff, but if they want their inside jokes, so be it. The IL's are not exactly the warm, welcoming type, either way.

We still give a check to the nieces and nephews. The nephews are the type to complain (much like the parents, again, go figure). So it is a no win situation, just less so.

MIL still insists "she doesn't need anything" - which we all know, but jeez, give us something (anything) to work with, here. At least I can tell someone a store I like, if I have to.

I agree it is one less thing to do, during stressful times, OP.

We keep xmas VERY small- santa give kids ONE gift (and not huge!) ; my parents give the kids one gift. We give my parents a photo of the kids from the year. We do have kids get each other a gift. With 2 cousins, we don't exchange, just do fun things. With other we exchange one gift. It is wonderful. Our dec is full of fun preparing for family visiting and time together NOT on shopping- we do get gifts for charity and have kids involved in that aspect too of course. Kids are age 5 and 7, cousins we don't exchange with are 8 and 10. We've done this for 6 yrs. We love love love it. Highly recommend scaling back

We only buy gifts for the kids. One side considers my 24 yo half sister who still lives at home to be a kid ?

So jealous. I suggested this to my family a few years ago when 2 or 3 of my relatives were going through tough financial times. My mom (who was broke) freaked out and confused me of being too lazy to buy gifts, etc. So, we keep trying to pry out of people what they want since they don't really need anything, and then go shop for that. I get all of my shopping done (while working full time and with a toddler) before we travel home for the holidays, and then when we get there my family who has not had to pack or travel with a toddler can't spend any time with us because they haven't finished their Christmas shopping.

We don't exchange presents anymore. We do still get checks from parents and grandparents though in Christmas cards.

Who actually needs presents anymore?

Anonymous wrote:We've widdled it down to buying just for our (young) nieces and nephews and mine and DH's parents. And our own kids of course. Even this is a huge relief!

*whittled

We are removing a layer of exchange with every passing year-- right now we're down to buying for our own young children and for our parents. It is EXCELLENT!

We've widdled it down to buying just for our (young) nieces and nephews and mine and DH's parents. And our own kids of course. Even this is a huge relief!

I think the key is to make your intentions known early. Talk to them know, blame it on being at a point in your life where you want to simplify the holidays, and let them know your new plan.

Anonymous wrote:This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.

We did this in our 20s with my family and about ten years ago with my in laws. The way we convinced my in laws was to suggest that we use the money we would have spent on gifts for a shared experience. The first few years, we actually planned something, but now we don't make an extra effort to even do that - though we do a lot of things with them because we like to do the same sorts of things.

I'm jealous, OP - my inlaws would never go for that and my mother would be offended if I suggested it. We stopped exchanging gifts with my BIL and SIL a few years ago and go out for a nice dinner together instead and it is so nice.

My grown siblings and I FINALLY stopped the gifts with each other last year. Just buy for the three grandkids and something for the parents.

We don't exchange gifts with our siblings. It's so much more enjoyable! And so liberating!!! It was totally lame exchanging gift cards. LAME!

Our son is the youngest in his generation. He's 11. His cousins are 9 and 6. Everyone gives to the grandkids.

We do give gifts from the heart to the grandparents (and also the one great grandmother). For example, we give family photos. The great grandmother wants "good peanut butter cookies" so I will be making those. She specifically says that she doesn't want anything (other than the cookies). At 93, she has earned the right to ask for whatever she wants.

God, I wish we could do this. Or at least limit the exchange to the kids only.

This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.