I don't think you can reasonably ask another adult to join you in lying to your child. I really don't get this. I don't go around saying "Santa isn't real" but I would be extremely uncomfortable if someone asked me to agree to lie to their kid. What kind of "problem" do you foresee exactly? Even if your sibling or the unbelieving child did say "there is no Santa" you could say "well, some people believe and some don't" or whatever to smooth things over. Also, I would be astonished if your 10 year old has not figured things out by now.

As for the 5 year old telling the 4 year olds, look, that's life. Preschool, school, random people. Kids talking and comparing about Santa is normal. Don't put that kind of responsibility on a 5 year old.

I really don't understand what the issue is, and it sounds like you might be stirring up needless drama with wanting some "consensus." Let the parents of the young kids deal with, if it gets necessary. otherwise it seems like you're making an issue out of nothing.

Thanks for the advice.
I just found in the past it's easier to get things accomplished if the majority of us agree to something.
I know she isn't going to want any
" To Larla , from Santa" Gifts.
I worry that the 5 year old might ruin it for the 4 year olds, as I"m sure they will be spending lots of time together.

To the PP who suggested it I can't just talk about it with her, sister and I aren't that close. I could probably have the youngest bring it up to her, and she's the one with the 4 year olds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let your brother handle it for his 4-year old kids. Your son is too old anyway to really believe in the Santa-stuff.

He still enjoys it, and I see no reason to spoil it for him so close to Christmas.

You can still enjoy Christmas without believing in Santa. I get the feeling like this is about more than just Santa between you and your sis. Because really, at 10 you're not going to "spoil" anything for him.

Let your sibling with the 4-year olds work it out with your sister, if it's really an issue. It doesn't seem like it's even your issue to handle.

Just talk to your sister about it instead of going behind her back and making a pact with the family when she isn't there. Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "do" Santa? Like someone dressed up at the house? Whose house? Or just waking up with presents around the tree from Santa?

Dressing up as Santa at home is a bit much. Save that for the mall. But I'd do the "presents from Santa" for the four-year olds. They're little, they won't think about it too much.

At 10, your DS likely knows but is probably milking it. 10 is really pretty far above the age of "believing."

This--your kid almost certainly knows and doesn't want to spoil the gravy train (that's how my DS and all his friends were at 10) or lose the magic by admitting he's aware. Sorry for this aside--I know it doesn't solve your problem here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is middle sister coming home this year?

Yes.

Don't borrow trouble. Just go with the flow. Most kids here do Santa so more than likely your sister will tell her own kids to pipe down about it.

Anonymous wrote:I'd let your brother handle it for his 4-year old kids. Your son is too old anyway to really believe in the Santa-stuff.

He still enjoys it, and I see no reason to spoil it for him so close to Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:Is middle sister coming home this year?

Yes.

I'd let your brother handle it for his 4-year old kids. Your son is too old anyway to really believe in the Santa-stuff.

Is middle sister coming home this year?

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "do" Santa? Like someone dressed up at the house? Whose house? Or just waking up with presents around the tree from Santa?

Dressing up as Santa at home is a bit much. Save that for the mall. But I'd do the "presents from Santa" for the four-year olds. They're little, they won't think about it too much.

At 10, your DS likely knows but is probably milking it. 10 is really pretty far above the age of "believing."

We do it all. Mu DH's family has a huge Christmas eve party, and one of the uncles always dresses up and plays Santa, at home it was always gifts from Santa, hanging stockings and leaving cookies etc.

You are overthinking this. What would you say if your kid ran into a Jewish kid and they got to talking about Santa.

What do you mean by "do" Santa? Like someone dressed up at the house? Whose house? Or just waking up with presents around the tree from Santa?

Dressing up as Santa at home is a bit much. Save that for the mall. But I'd do the "presents from Santa" for the four-year olds. They're little, they won't think about it too much.

At 10, your DS likely knows but is probably milking it. 10 is really pretty far above the age of "believing."

My parents have 4 kids, 3 of us are married with children. My children are the first grandchildren.
My older brother and I grew up believing in Santa, my parents then had a religious conversion and my two younger siblings had Santa-free Christmases. I should note there is a large age gap between us, so my brother and I were no longer believing, by the time the younger two had any idea what was going on.
Fast forward to the future my DH and I have always done Santa with our kids, and my family went along with this.
My youngest sister and her husband do Santa for her kids.
The problem is my middle sister. She and her husband don't do Santa. I'm concerned this is going to be an issue. I don't want to make a stink about it, because she lives overseas and hasn't been "home" for Christmas in years, but I don't want there to be a problem.
I'm thinking of coming up with an agreement of sorts over Thanksgiving with the family that's here and mentioning it to the third sister before Christmas.
Is that too much?
BTW she wouldn't purposely spoil it , but I think there could be some conflicts that arise that could cause problems if not accounted for.

The ages of the kids are:

My DS who still believes is 10
My niece and nephew who believe are 4
My non believing niece is 5