My husband is driven to be a good partner and father. He selected a career that would allow him plenty of time at home with our family. He doesn't earn much money (I actually earn more) but he loves his job and is well-respected in his field. I'd much rather have a partner whose drive is toward spending time with his wife and kids than someone who wants to be out of the house 12+ hours a day earning money. I love his priorities. Never thought of someone who worked incredibly hard to be a family man as a "beta."

Anonymous wrote:I married a human being who thinks of me like another human being and his equal. We're very happy!

Oh, nobody cares about all that! How is the sex? Is it good? Or are you a 50 Shades gal who, despite having a mind that likes the notion of equality, has a body that gets turned on by dominance?

I married a human being who thinks of me like another human being and his equal. We're very happy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

My point is that none of what she wrote previous to that makes him beta. But from what I read, she seems to think he's a beta in the bedroom which makes him a beta in life. That's what I got out of it.

Mind you, I think the whole alpha/beta thing is nonsense. We aren't pack animals and in pack behavior, the beta is not a slacker, he's the next in line male just waiting for the alpha to show a sign of weakness. He's the next alpha. You people parrot this nonsense about alphas and betas without any real understanding. There's also quite a bit of conflating ambition and high income jobs with a dominant personality. Successful people are not always dominant and dominant people are not always successful. And neither of these have any automatic correlation with behavior in the bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

I think men have trouble understanding that sex, while important,, doesn't rank in the as some all important necessity to many women. So they want to know how women can possibly cope being married to a man that doesn't exude sexual confidence and throw them up against a wall and fuck them mentality.

In summary, men are surprised most women would happily trade great, passionate sex for an equal partner. Just as women are surprised (or maybe they aren't) that men would happily live in filth if it meant hot sex every night.

I did. We are very happy. we are both laid back. we like what we do (I stay home and he's a lawyer at a small firm). we like our kids. we like the adventures we had before kids. we are content with what we have and what we don't have.

DH went to a top 5 law school and finished in the top 10%l--he studied a lot. So, I had the freedom to work hard at my job and spend time with other people. We never once made the other feel bad about working hard. We also had 3 kids in 4 years and still have an enjoyable marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

If that's what you got out of the PP's post, you have utterly missed the point.

My husband is kind, cheerful and laid back. He loves to laugh and gets along well with most people. He is also a devoted father and husband.

However, he is also very dedicated to his job and is successful in a demanding, competitive field. I don't know if that makes him an alpha or a beta. Whichever, it seems to be working for us. We just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

Took you long enough to get to the point.

My DH is somewhat beta in that he (like PP) prioritized family time and quality of life over climbing the ladder at work and making a lot of money. He is very bright and went to good law schools but chose to leave a law firm where he had higher income potential (but also had to work long hours and bring in business, which he has no appetite for) to become a fed. He loves the regular hours, free weekends, etc but he is still challenged in his work and has stimulating projects.

BUT - he's not bringing home the dough, nor am I. We live a solidly middle class life and he's able to spend a good amount of time with me and the kids. Neither of us prioritize material things like fancy cars, updated house, etc but we are comfortable. Neither of us are particularly ambitious.

So in this sense, we are both betas. But DH isn't a slacker; he does work hard, is intellectually curious and isn't at all lazy. I respect him a great deal.

So yes, I married a beta but I'm still happy. He's not the sort to toss me over his shoulder and carry me in the bedroom, and I do miss that a bit, but if I worked up the nerve to tell him that, he would be willing to give it a try.

What does that even mean?

My sister is a traditional Type A lawyer who makes a ton of money and is used to being in charge. She married a man who tried to be all of that as well and just... isn't. They have certainly had their struggles, but honestly? I think things got A LOT better and MUCH happier once they had kids and he put his foot down and said he'd rather stay home.

I never thought of it like that, but I guess I did. He's very driven to be happy and productive.

My husband is more of a beta type, but he's also a doctor and makes plenty of money. I work, too. We're very happy.

We have money and we spend it making our lives easier and more fun. We prioritize family time (4 kids, spend time with extended family, too), and neither of us is trying to run a hospital or make CEO.

I'm more "type A" when it comes to finances and plans, and he's happy to go along most of the time. It works great for us.

Did any of you not marry the alpha super driven provider type man? Is your husband a happy and low drive beta? Are you happy in your marriage?