Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was first time ever deep-cleaning college-aged DS's room last week and found the whole secret stash: a cigarette, a chewing tobacco tin, a condom, a small baggie of pot remnants, Visine, and for fun there was a paintball gun and ammo. I can't even run this by DH because he has some crazy work thing this week and this would set him off. In the meantime I just put everything in the trash. I may just forget about it all.

First time ever deep cleaning son's room? No, you were being nosey. However, he is under your roof so you have a right to know what goes on in your house because you, too, could suffer legal consequences.

Comdons and tobacco are not illegal.

*condoms*

Anonymous wrote:I was first time ever deep-cleaning college-aged DS's room last week and found the whole secret stash: a cigarette, a chewing tobacco tin, a condom, a small baggie of pot remnants, Visine, and for fun there was a paintball gun and ammo. I can't even run this by DH because he has some crazy work thing this week and this would set him off. In the meantime I just put everything in the trash. I may just forget about it all.

First time ever deep cleaning son's room? No, you were being nosey. However, he is under your roof so you have a right to know what goes on in your house because you, too, could suffer legal consequences.

Comdons and tobacco are not illegal.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I don't know. I pay $65k+ per year per college kid. So, yeah, I expect some things in return.

Just like your DS made a choice, so did you to cough up $65k. If there were strings and conditions attached then show DS the contract and demand satisfaction.

Oh, I don't know. I pay $65k+ per year per college kid. So, yeah, I expect some things in return.

Oh my god people your kids are freaking adults. Get over yourselves.

I was first time ever deep-cleaning college-aged DS's room last week and found the whole secret stash: a cigarette, a chewing tobacco tin, a condom, a small baggie of pot remnants, Visine, and for fun there was a paintball gun and ammo. I can't even run this by DH because he has some crazy work thing this week and this would set him off. In the meantime I just put everything in the trash. I may just forget about it all.

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed I'd be a zero tolerance parent, but now I learn my otherwise thriving college student is smoking pot and not sure what to do. DC worked hard to get into a good school and is doing well there academically. Can't imagine forcing DC to go to the local community college and/or take a dead end job would curb use. DC has enough money saved from working summers to support the habit. Amy advice from BTDT parents. DC is very smart and argues this is a safer alternative to drinking.

You send your kids to college to get an education. Sounds like that plan is working very well. Not sure if your kid's smoking pot is already a "habit". Is it safer than alcohol? That could be an entirely different thread. Well, you are not sure what to do - how about 2 things 1) nothing, and or 2) talk to your kid about the pros and cons of pot. If the kid is hoping to get a job in law enforcement, security, etc, a drug test may be a requirement to employment. If the kid gets even a puny ticket, well, that may remain on his record. Would you feel better if he/she binged drinked, and got completely inebriated every weekend?

Finally, your kid seems to be growing up. And part of that is making choices, on your own. There is so much else your kid could be doing that would be soooo much worse.

Anonymous wrote:I would treat it like anything else... too many big macs are really bad for you ... 1 every blue moon is not going to kill you but truthfully if you care about your body you won't have any.

Driving 75 in a 55 is illegal, you should not do it, if you get caught you have to live with the consequences.

Tell him when (not if) he gets caught you will NOT pay for a lawyer, so his spending money... he better have about $2500 saved.

When, not if? In that case, there should be millions of students, past and present, who should have been arrested. I'm not condoning but I will not be unrealistic either.

I would treat it like anything else... too many big macs are really bad for you ... 1 every blue moon is not going to kill you but truthfully if you care about your body you won't have any.

Driving 75 in a 55 is illegal, you should not do it, if you get caught you have to live with the consequences.

Tell him when (not if) he gets caught you will NOT pay for a lawyer, so his spending money... he better have about $2500 saved.

Anonymous wrote:06:45 again. I would be mortified if my DC started smoking cigarettes which are deadly, not the occasional joint.

College student and "occasional".... funny.

I went to college in the 80s. Pot and alcohol ruined a lot of peoples' lives.

06:45 again. I would be mortified if my DC started smoking cigarettes which are deadly, not the occasional joint.

I know plenty of functional adults who smoke pot--particularly in careers like academia where drug testing is never done. IMHO a lot of super type A people benefit greatly from a bit of weed. A vaporizer is better for your lungs.

He's an adult and if he's as smart as you say, he knows the pros and cons including penal.

There are plenty of well educated posters here from the 60s and 70s who were toking up, finished college, and successful. That said, I would still have a talk, not nagging. I talked to my college kids about sex (preferably waiting) but fully knowing they are adults chronologically and will make their own decisions.

We teach them with the benefit of our wisdom and life experiences and hope for the best.

I always assumed I'd be a zero tolerance parent, but now I learn my otherwise thriving college student is smoking pot and not sure what to do. DC worked hard to get into a good school and is doing well there academically. Can't imagine forcing DC to go to the local community college and/or take a dead end job would curb use. DC has enough money saved from working summers to support the habit. Amy advice from BTDT parents. DC is very smart and argues this is a safer alternative to drinking.