To answer your question, yes, we have done holidays apart and it was fine. It was pre-kids, money was tight, and we couldn't afford two plane tickets to where his parents live, and boarding our dogs. So he went home for a week, and I stayed and did Thanksgiving with my family (who is local).

But that was very different than your situation. Your husband needs to tell his father that your family is a package deal.

We did it before we had kids, but we lived far away and it was the only way logistically for us to see our respective families.

In your situation? Heck no.

Anonymous wrote:I think it could work in general- but this seems really concerning to me.
I'd want my husband to stick up for me above giving his parents preference over you...

I would too, but I doubt that would happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously not right of them to make this request, but in a way if it gets you out of seeing them, why not? As long you trust them with your kids. At least your inlaws want to see your kids. Mine would be fine just seeing DH and having me and the kids stay put.

Lol! Then if I go to my parent's house, I have to explain to my family why my husband and kids aren't there.

My parents would ask too, but I can easily get out of awkward answers with them. They don't like to know details about inlaws. I think they get a sense from them and want to stay above the fray. I don't know your parents so might be more difficult. You could come clean if they already having an idea of how your inlaws feel about you.

I think it could work in general- but this seems really concerning to me.
I'd want my husband to stick up for me above giving his parents preference over you...

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. You are a family. They either deal with you as a unit or they don't see you.

Exactly. We were told one year not to take ds to the IL's. They didn't see any of us.

What is wrong with your dh, not standing up for your family?

Never. We love each other.

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously not right of them to make this request, but in a way if it gets you out of seeing them, why not? As long you trust them with your kids. At least your inlaws want to see your kids. Mine would be fine just seeing DH and having me and the kids stay put.

Lol! Then if I go to my parent's house, I have to explain to my family why my husband and kids aren't there.

Absolutely not. And I'd be livid with DH. Livid.

Anonymous wrote:That's bizarre! Your husband sounds like he has some serious issues with standing up to his family.

He does! That's one of our main arguments!

It's obviously not right of them to make this request, but in a way if it gets you out of seeing them, why not? As long you trust them with your kids. At least your inlaws want to see your kids. Mine would be fine just seeing DH and having me and the kids stay put.

That's bizarre! Your husband sounds like he has some serious issues with standing up to his family.

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. You are a family. They either deal with you as a unit or they don't see you.

Yup. Totally unreasonable. If you give into this, you are writing a permission slip for unreasonable requests, and it won't stop here.

And fuck them, frankly.

Oh hell no. You are a family. They either deal with you as a unit or they don't see you.

So usually our routine for the holidays we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with DH's family. DH told me his father would be in town for Thanksgiving so he wants to spend Thanksgiving with his family and take the kids. I told him why can't we just switch it this year, Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Then he said that he knows that my parents would want me to with them since they're hosting it at their house and because I have a sibling that recently passed so they would want their only child to be there. I told him they will understand if I'm not there. Then he tells me again that he's going to take the kids with him and for me to go to my parent's house. I said it's not a big deal and we always do holidays together as a family. He finally admits that his father requested that he come with the kids alone because the rest of the family doesn't like me. Now, the part of them not liking me isn't new news to me, and I usually attend their events, but I'm shocked that it was requested for my husband and kids to come alone. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had Thanksgiving dinner seperately from their spouse and how did that work out?