Anonymous wrote:NP- no real advice but I also think pulling away from real relationships is not healthy, and I think its OK to be BOTH concerned for your husband and wanting things to be easier on you in this sense. But anyone on this board who feels they are persecuted for being an introvert will probably jump down your throat, FYI. Good luck OP.

Thank you. I'm actually an introvert myself, but I atill enjoy having a social life.

Anonymous wrote:

If he doesn't want to socialize with the husbands why don't you make plans with the wives only?

+1 I bet in a lot of cases the other husband hates as hell to be dragged along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with all this gently stuff.

Gently worn clothes.
Gently talk about ...
Gently played with toys.
Gently handle situations.

Just ask him. He's not going to break.

I have never spoken to any of my neighbors but my husband has. I don't feel the need to socialize with any of them. Why are you trying to force your husband into things he clearly is not interested in ? My husband never forces me to be social. I think I'd divorce him if he did.

Because he likes having people over, he likes having friends, and he has complained that he doesn't have many friends. He is interested in being social because he expresses interest in attending social events and hosting social events. It's just that he doesn't socialize once there! And, I think it's unhealthy for our relationship for me to be the only one with friends.

I think it's unhealthy for you to pretend that this is about your husband's comfort when you're irritated that your husband is being a drag.

If he doesn't want to socialize with the husbands why don't you make plans with the wives only?

...or the husbands. that'll get his attention

No advice here but wanted to let you know that I could have written your post, word for word. I too am fed up with my DH being a drag on our social life. I end up doing a lot on my own but it sucks not having any close couple friends.

NP- no real advice but I also think pulling away from real relationships is not healthy, and I think its OK to be BOTH concerned for your husband and wanting things to be easier on you in this sense. But anyone on this board who feels they are persecuted for being an introvert will probably jump down your throat, FYI. Good luck OP.

Actions speak louder than words. Your DH doesn't want to socialize with people he doesn't know. Why do you keep making him?

Serious question: Has his hearing deteriorated? This kind of behavior can present with hearing loss.

You just described me.

I find as I get older, I tire more easy and have less patience for small talk. I don't like to socialize either. The women will prattle on forever. I don't see why that needs to involve me.

He's your HUSBAND! Of COURSE you should talk with him! Help him. Find out why he's not talking. Maybe he's stressed and making a mental list in his head of everything he has to do. Maybe his heart is beating wildly and he's mentally checking his body to make sure it's not a heart attack. Maybe he's going through something and consumed.

Just say to him "Hey, I've noticed you're super quiet lately when we're socializing. What's going on? Can I help you somehow?"

Maybe figure out a way to make it easier for him to socialize. I have a friend who's DH is awkward and quiet. They host BBQs all the time. Turns out that when he cooks, he has something to do. Guys naturally gravitate out toward the grill and strike up conversation with him. He always has an excuse to leave when he gets overwhelmed: I have to go grab something from the kitchen. I need to check on the chicken, etc.

If cooking is not his thing, host a group to go bowling. Take a hike. Center the get together around an activity. That is usually a much easier way to do things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with all this gently stuff.

Gently worn clothes.
Gently talk about ...
Gently played with toys.
Gently handle situations.

Just ask him. He's not going to break.

I have never spoken to any of my neighbors but my husband has. I don't feel the need to socialize with any of them. Why are you trying to force your husband into things he clearly is not interested in ? My husband never forces me to be social. I think I'd divorce him if he did.

Because he likes having people over, he likes having friends, and he has complained that he doesn't have many friends. He is interested in being social because he expresses interest in attending social events and hosting social events. It's just that he doesn't socialize once there! And, I think it's unhealthy for our relationship for me to be the only one with friends.

I think it's unhealthy for you to pretend that this is about your husband's comfort when you're irritated that your husband is being a drag.

If he doesn't want to socialize with the husbands why don't you make plans with the wives only?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with all this gently stuff.

Gently worn clothes.
Gently talk about ...
Gently played with toys.
Gently handle situations.

Just ask him. He's not going to break.

I have never spoken to any of my neighbors but my husband has. I don't feel the need to socialize with any of them. Why are you trying to force your husband into things he clearly is not interested in ? My husband never forces me to be social. I think I'd divorce him if he did.

Because he likes having people over, he likes having friends, and he has complained that he doesn't have many friends. He is interested in being social because he expresses interest in attending social events and hosting social events. It's just that he doesn't socialize once there! And, I think it's unhealthy for our relationship for me to be the only one with friends.

Are you not noticing other families at all? With couples, especially couples with kids, its the mom's friendships that drive the couple friendship. The dad's are just along for the ride and talk about a game, or a nice place for golf, maybe current events if they are daring. Your DH seems to have clued into that even if you haven't (this is a socialable DH here BTW)>

Anonymous wrote:What's with all this gently stuff.

Gently worn clothes.
Gently talk about ...
Gently played with toys.
Gently handle situations.

Just ask him. He's not going to break.

I have never spoken to any of my neighbors but my husband has. I don't feel the need to socialize with any of them. Why are you trying to force your husband into things he clearly is not interested in ? My husband never forces me to be social. I think I'd divorce him if he did.

Because he likes having people over, he likes having friends, and he has complained that he doesn't have many friends. He is interested in being social because he expresses interest in attending social events and hosting social events. It's just that he doesn't socialize once there! And, I think it's unhealthy for our relationship for me to be the only one with friends.

What's with all this gently stuff.

Gently worn clothes.
Gently talk about ...
Gently played with toys.
Gently handle situations.

Just ask him. He's not going to break.

I have never spoken to any of my neighbors but my husband has. I don't feel the need to socialize with any of them. Why are you trying to force your husband into things he clearly is not interested in ? My husband never forces me to be social. I think I'd divorce him if he did.

When I met my husband a decade ago, he had a large group of friends. He's very likable, friendly, easy-going and smart, but he can be kind of quiet and reserved too. Anyway, as time has gone on, I've noticed that he has not maintained friendships, except for two. Furthermore, he has not made any new friends. Even worse, he can't seem to socialize well when I bring new couples into our life. When we moves into a new neighborhood recently, he didn't befriend any of the other dads, even though I'm connecting with some of the other women. He can't even strike up a conversation with the neighbors!

This is killing our social life because it's awkward when we get together with other families. I will sometimes hit it off with the wife, but my husband will just sit there and listen, but not engage in any conversation with the other people around, or the other husband. We had a family over to our house this past weekend and it was awful. I am old friends with the wife, and although we have hung out altogether more times than I can count, my husband had NOTHING to say to the husband.

I don't know what to do or say about this to him. I really don't want to hurt his feelings, or make him feel even more awkward than he clearly already does in a social setting, so I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't say anything. Inside, though, I'm screaming, "talk! socialize! make friends! make this gathering less awkward!!" He has never said anything to me about it, so I don't know if he's even aware of what's going on.

Should I talk to him about it gently, or not say anything? Even if I say something, what can he really do about it? I just had to get this off my chest, even if it's only anonymous!!!