Anonymous wrote:Ah, the "helpful" inlaws. A classic tale.
Op I feel your pain and I'm so sorry. I hope your wife is feeling better.
My inlaws "helped" after the birth of my first by taking our Visa to the grocery store and making a complicated shrimp spicy dish, left the dishes everywhere for me to clean up, and monitored every bite I took with disappointed looks "do you like it?"
And that was the first 2 hours of a weeklong visit.
And disappointed sighs and shaking of the head when the newborn cried.

Did I write this in my sleep? Baby boomers.....

Ah, the "helpful" inlaws. A classic tale.
Op I feel your pain and I'm so sorry. I hope your wife is feeling better.
My inlaws "helped" after the birth of my first by taking our Visa to the grocery store and making a complicated shrimp spicy dish, left the dishes everywhere for me to clean up, and monitored every bite I took with disappointed looks "do you like it?"
And that was the first 2 hours of a weeklong visit.
And disappointed sighs and shaking of the head when the newborn cried.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I still struggle with the 3 sets of grandparents who claim they are coming to help but really are just a ton more work for us.

I totally get it OP.

Glad you survived and your wife is (or will soon be) well.

+1

My mom didn't speak to me because I told her she Could not attend the birth of my third child. I didn't tell her the real reason but just couldn't entertain her as well.

My parents and Inlaws are like this. Thank you for posting.

At least they came to try to help. When my husband had cancer and I had another medical condition no one came because it was "a lot to handle" for them. They're 50-60 in perfect health and rich. Thankfully we have lots of loving friends who were able to help. To this day they will say things like "we had no idea the cancer was so serious!" And "thank goodness you're able to handle tough situations. You're a great mom!" Fuck them.

I'm glad they're gone and your wife is doing well.

If something like this comes up again, can I ask if you know your neighbors? My youngest is 10 now, and if someone on our block needed someone to watch the kids or drop off meals, I would be delighted to pitch in because my life is so much easier now and I remember how hard it used to be. I think they might feel weird asking (I know I would have, back in the day, because I was raised to be self-sufficient and because when I was overwhelmed I couldn't imagine that anyone in the world wasn't ), but I would want them to.

I am fascinated that they got divorced so old. Is there someone else? Why bother? I am dealing with this now but parents are opting to not divorce (too difficult to unwind money) but dad has a girlfriend who is now coming to Christmas. Should be fun.huh? Mom has threatned to disinherit me if I agree to this trip. Not enough wine to handle this sort of awkward times.

My husband and I still struggle with the 3 sets of grandparents who claim they are coming to help but really are just a ton more work for us.

I totally get it OP.

Glad you survived and your wife is (or will soon be) well.

Glad your wife is feeling better.

"DW is doing better and is expected to take a full recovery and return to work this week. She and I were both in agreement, no more IL "help.""

A painful lesson learned. One it sounds like you might have anticipated from their past behavior, but, hey, why not give them a chance, right?

Well, now you know! Glad it is over. Hope your DW feels back to herself very soon.

Never, ever, ever ask for their help again. Lesson learned.

I believe this is why relationships with ILs are so stressful t the beginning with a new marriage and children. You don't have the awareness and the boundaries in place to keep their crap from getting on your nerves.

Anonymous wrote:This seems like such a common story. Anyone have any ideas what these parents/in-laws/grandparents were like as parents? Did they just drink martinis and act helpless or does this come on in later life? I need to plan....

They were unhappily married for 35 years. What's funny is that pre-kids, I really enjoyed them because they liked having a good time (i.e. restaurants, going out for drinks, dinner parties, going to the theater). It's just post-kids when it became evident they were kind of a hot mess. DW's issues with her parents seem to stem from them not doing the "hard parenting" stuff when she was a kid/teenager. They were self-involved in their own misery of each other, DW and her siblings were left to fend for themselves.

DW is doing better and is expected to take a full recovery and return to work this week. She and I were both in agreement, no more IL "help."

This seems like such a common story. Anyone have any ideas what these parents/in-laws/grandparents were like as parents? Did they just drink martinis and act helpless or does this come on in later life? I need to plan....

Yes, now you have proof positive to cite to your wife if this ever comes up again. It won't be "you are worried that" this dynamic "might" occur--you KNOW that this dynamic WILL occur.

Good luck with your wife's recovery. I'm sorry, that sounds like it was tough.

Here's the silver lining of your post: "THEY LEFT YESTERDAY."

Lesson learned, OP. Now, enjoy the peace and quiet of your house. Thank them for their "help" and never have them stay to "help" again.

It's over!

I just need to vent a bit. We have had a rough month (my wife is having some health issues) and my FIL and MIL (who got divorced at 65 and passively aggressive dislike one another) decided to visit at the same time to "help out." They are understandably worried about DW, which is why they both wanted to come at the same time (we usually keep them separate). DW is stuck in bed for the week recovering from a procedure.

We have a 18 month old and 3 year old. My wife doesn't have the greatest relationship with her parents, but agreed because we need the help. Let's just say, not helpful. They expected to be entertained. Didn't watch the 18 month old carefully (the kid is on a mission to kill himself). Complained (passively) about how early we get up (not our choice the kids are up 6 am sharp daily). Complained about the traffic. Refused to help with cooking/meal prep ("because we don't want to mess up your kitchen and don't know your systems"). And when the kids and I are at work, they sit around sniping at each other. When I walk in with the kids and chaos, my FIL runs to the basement (because the noise is too much) and my MIL aimless wonders around asking what she can do to help.

I've been as specific as possible and give them specific guidance ("can you hold the baby so he doesn't run into the wall repeatedly. I'll get dinner together." MIL holds the baby, gets a text, puts baby down, baby runs into wall. Cries.

They left yesterday and I just feel the wave of relief that I don't have to care for two senior citizens while keeping my small children alive, working, and taking care of my wife. It's just too much.

Rant over, thanks, DCUM.