Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm mostly asking because after Christmas I really get depressed. A whole month of Christmas pretty much and then it's all over and I need to relax. We're traveling to my family for 10 days and then we'll have to turn around and head to my inlaws the next weekend? Truthfully it's too much. I can't think of a tactful way to say it though.

10 days is a long time to spend with your family. It won't kill you to see your ILs for one weekend.

Yes OP, it's tactful to say: "traveling the weekend right after we get back is too much for us, could we plan a weekend in January?". The further it is from Christmas the less likely it will be a 2nd Christmas and more just a visit that might have some presents.

Yeah, I don't do a second Xmas. I made that really clear from the start. So we only really buy gifts for one side, whichever side we're seeing. Occasionally there is still some overlap (like with nieces/nephews) but generally, I give gifts to those I'm spending Xmas with. I'll happily get together for lunch of something around the New Year, but it will be casual and low key. No more big meals and celebrations.

So if I don't see my mom on Xmas, I don't get her a gift (she's cool with that). I will still probably see her in the week after Xmas but it'll be chili for dinner and really laid back.

A second Christmas? Yikes- is it more for the adults or kids? If it's from the kids who really really really want yo see second set of grandparents, then ok. If it's for adults, then grow up. First world problems. Isn't there always another Christmas next year? And a Easter IS around the corner too if you really need another family celebration.

If we spend Christmas with my family, we arrive Christmas eve, then spend Christmas day (because it's my aunt's birthday) and travel to see DH's family on the second day of Christmas for a 2nd Christmas.
If we spend Christmas with DH's family, we arriva Christmas eve and leave around noon on Christmas day to be with my family for dinner (for my aunt's birthday) and come back home on the second day of Christmas.
I love the years we get to spend at home. No traveling. I can't wait for 2017.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm mostly asking because after Christmas I really get depressed. A whole month of Christmas pretty much and then it's all over and I need to relax. We're traveling to my family for 10 days and then we'll have to turn around and head to my inlaws the next weekend? Truthfully it's too much. I can't think of a tactful way to say it though.

Just be honest! Say you need a weekend off and then ask if the following weekend works.

There is nothing wrong with needing a weekend off.

+1. Say we're looking forward to seeing you all at [insert next planned visit] and leave it at that.

It's what you're comfortable with. I don't mind visiting with family on a day that's not Christmas and exchanging presents, but my in-laws always want to do a full-blown second holiday, even on the years we can't spend it with them. It wears us out.

We have this too, the imbalance of geographic distances. My parents are the farther away ones. So, yes, we see the ILs regardless. It's kind of annoying, but part of the fun of Christmas is seeing the kids open their presents, and I have come to accept it.

This is one of those times where I think you've got to overcome your annoyance...think about what you would want when you are a grandparent. Model for your kids what you would want, even as you miss your own parents.

But by all means, make it work for you! Tell them which weekend works best, put it off until MLK weekend, ask them to come to you for one night, whatever. Or another option is to do Christmas at Thanksgiving with them if you'll see them then. Too late for that this year, but suggest it the next time.

To us, Christmas isn't a chance to "just mail presents to someone." It is more "seeing someone somewhere around December of January."

We usually have Christmas at our house with my dad. Then some time following - either the week between Christmas and New Years or some Saturday in January (even late January) - we go to PA and see my in-laws and SIL/her family. It's a great opportunity to spread the gifts for the kids out over a longer period.

We have also done it when my parents came up about 1-2 weekends before Christmas. (After my mom died, so did this approach.)

The holidays is a stressful time. But just tell your in-laws that you need a little break. I really think you are over-thinking and stressing too much over this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm mostly asking because after Christmas I really get depressed. A whole month of Christmas pretty much and then it's all over and I need to relax. We're traveling to my family for 10 days and then we'll have to turn around and head to my inlaws the next weekend? Truthfully it's too much. I can't think of a tactful way to say it though.

Just be honest! Say you need a weekend off and then ask if the following weekend works.

There is nothing wrong with needing a weekend off.

We do a second Christmas morning in January too.

OP here. I'm mostly asking because after Christmas I really get depressed. A whole month of Christmas pretty much and then it's all over and I need to relax. We're traveling to my family for 10 days and then we'll have to turn around and head to my inlaws the next weekend? Truthfully it's too much. I can't think of a tactful way to say it though.

Never had double chris,at. Just received mailed gifts from family with whom were not celebrating that year.

We do something similar. Our families are both within driving distance so if we can't get them to come at the same time we normally have an alternate Christmas with the other half. My parents would probably mail gifts if we weren't going to see them till January but my in-laws probably not. I don't really think of it as a big deal. It just extends the fun. My DD gets so many presents its kind of nice to spread it out.

We rotate Christmas every year between our parents. On the year that you don't have Christmas with a set of parents, how are gifts handled?

This year I'm spending Christmas with my parents. My inlaws always ask "when do you want to come up and celebrate then?" And then somehow I get roped into a 2nd Christmas in January. My parents just mail our gifts and we open them on Christmas. Inlaws live 3 hours away and my parents are cross country (so no chance of a 2nd Christmas for them).