Can you avoid talking to her until you know more?

My mom unfortunately knows that something is up already because she caught me feeling around DD's neck last time we were over. I made up a story about an ear infection, but like I said - she's all about doom and gloom and immediately jumped to cancer.

Which, you know, it may actually be, and I don't need her doom and gloom around me.

My 2 year old DD wears turtlenecks that would probably completely cover it. If so I would go and not say a word about it. Carters sells them.

What about your father? Can you break the news to him and ask him to keep mom in check? You have enough stress to deal with when your baby is sick; having to provide comfort to your mother is beyond unfair.

I hope your child is okay.

Anonymous wrote:Toddler is barely two (so she notices things, but not everything, and won't miss the trip) and the boipsy site will be on her neck. I'm honestly not sure how long it will take to heal or even if it will leave a mark (lymph node biopsy, not sure if it'll be need or open).

If you really want to keep this from your mother then chalk it up to a fall and stitches.

Do you really really think your mother will say things like that about her granddaughter? She may be a pessimist but something so serious like this? Might she not be someone to lean on or even rely on? You know your mother best but thats my 2 cents. I am so sorry OP sending prayers that all is well.

Anonymous wrote:
Honestly, the anxiety I would feel about my child would make me completely ignore whatever fool rants my mother could get into. And my mother is exactly the type to do that, and call me up panicked 10 times a day. I would not pick up the phone. I would not answer the door. I've learned to set boundaries in stone with her.

Unfortunately, her rants make me more anxious.

Honestly, the anxiety I would feel about my child would make me completely ignore whatever fool rants my mother could get into. And my mother is exactly the type to do that, and call me up panicked 10 times a day. I would not pick up the phone. I would not answer the door. I've learned to set boundaries in stone with her.

Can you put a bandaid over the biopsy area?

Toddler is barely two (so she notices things, but not everything, and won't miss the trip) and the boipsy site will be on her neck. I'm honestly not sure how long it will take to heal or even if it will leave a mark (lymph node biopsy, not sure if it'll be need or open).

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would cancel the trip. Sounds like your mom is going to freak either way, so much better for her to do it where she can't stress DC out with her craziness. You need to keep it calm for DC, who is likely already scared.

Would your daughter mind if you cancelled?

I'd worry about that, but not about Panicked Overreacting Gramma.

Honestly, I would cancel the trip. Sounds like your mom is going to freak either way, so much better for her to do it where she can't stress DC out with her craziness. You need to keep it calm for DC, who is likely already scared.

+1 You can't hide this from her. You can tell her that you need her to be strong and not freak out (she's welcome to do that with someone else if she needs to vent). Immediately shut her down if she does start to act inappropriately. Enlist the help of your father or any other family.

You can't cover the biopsy site with clothing? Can the biopsy be done after Thanksgiving? Or ... this week, so there's time to heal before Thanksgiving?

I don't think you can hide it from your mom. You will just have to tell her, "DD is going through some medical stuff and we are getting some tests done to zero in on a diagnosis, we'll update the family when we have more information. In the meantime, let's try to have a nice Thanksgiving for DD!"

I'm sorry you're going through this.

It's hard to explain, but I really hate the way my mother deals with a crisis. She's basically the ultimate pessimist. Now our toddler is very sick, and we're waiting to rule out some pretty bad stuff. I do NOT want her to find out, but I'm not sure how to hide it. For example, she needs a biopsy somewhere that's not covered by clothing and the plan was for Thanksgiving with my parents. If I cancel, my mom will assume DD is one foot in the grave, and I'm worried about that enough already, but if we go, she'll see the stitches or mark and we won't be able to blow it off.

Help! How do I hide this all from her?!