Internet dating has changed it all. You can separate, sit on your tush in your PJs drinking beer and picking your nose and have date with a new guy that night after you wash your hair and brush your teeth. People used to pity single women in their 40s. Now I think we've gone the other extreme and a lot of women see their single friends traveling and living life to it's fullest with or without a man and they envy it. Also, when your working crazy hours and moving and shaking at work it's a lot harder to put up with shit than it is if you have a lower key job. I think I read women who make more money than the guy are more likely to divorce in part because men still do less than 50% of the house stuff even when working less than the wife.

This is the crux of it. (And sometimes why traditional marriages work more smoothly...) No one wants to be carrying deadweight. Whenever folks argue that "women don't want their DH to be SAHD/want an alpha, etc." I think NO, what women don't want is a crap SAHD!

Anonymous wrote:I got lucky. DH dropped dead at age 40. No more marital problems. Ever.

So this post is very helpful ... if you find yourself wishing for the same "solution" then you know you are just sick of being married. And I am. I am committed to finishing the child rearing and then it's "buh-bye"!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:disagree

We get tired of having that extra child plus I am done cooking, cleaning, doing everything I no longer want to do.

I want to finally be me.

I totally agree. And we know we can support ourselves without them.

Uh huh. That's why so many women don't demand a cent from their husbands during the divorce.

Anonymous wrote:
I want to finally be me.

Old, saggy, and invisible to men?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got lucky. DH dropped dead at age 40. No more marital problems. Ever.

speechless and laughing my ass off at the same time!

You sound like my mother.

I loved my dad. My mom? Not so much.

Internet dating has changed it all. You can separate, sit on your tush in your PJs drinking beer and picking your nose and have date with a new guy that night after you wash your hair and brush your teeth. People used to pity single women in their 40s. Now I think we've gone the other extreme and a lot of women see their single friends traveling and living life to it's fullest with or without a man and they envy it. Also, when your working crazy hours and moving and shaking at work it's a lot harder to put up with shit than it is if you have a lower key job. I think I read women who make more money than the guy are more likely to divorce in part because men still do less than 50% of the house stuff even when working less than the wife.

I am trying to figure out how a divorce in ones 40's is considered " late in life".

Anonymous wrote:I got lucky. DH dropped dead at age 40. No more marital problems. Ever.

speechless and laughing my ass off at the same time!

(Just from what I have noticed among married friends of mine! Your results may vary!)

I have noticed men (especially older men) tend to want a "nurse and a purse" in old age as they tend to be the ones to lose their jobs first, get ill sooner, pass away first (statistics-wise), etc and MOST men are big babies at heart who want their wives to "mother" them too. Some men can literally not function without a woman in the house (otherwise their house would be dirty, they would eat poorly not wanting/knowing how to cook, never go to the doctor without her reminding him to go/her making him an appointment and taking him there, etc).

Not to mention if a man is over 50 and loses his job, it is hard for him to find another, so he literally NEEDS the income of the wife to make the bills and have a roof over his head- that is why they put up with more from the wife and refuse to divorce because that means he loses his place to live! (true story, happened to a friend of mine he refused to divorce her since EVERYTHING was in her name as he had crappy credit and a low-paying job and could not afford anything on his own nor did he know how to cook as he was SPOILED by her, she was superwoman and did everything for him, even file taxes and pay bills, he just handed his paycheck to her! Now he finally managed to rent a room and leave the house- but she gets to keep the house and newer car as she made all the mortgage payments and has bank statements saying so, he barely made enough to cover the light bill much less put a roof over his own head- he admitted he married her for money and stability SHE provided!)

Also notice how when a woman gets sick she still bucks up and continues to care for the kids, clean the house, go to work, etc and men tend to lie in the bed and call the wife to come make them some chicken noodle soup and baby them and bring them medicine, etc. But if she is ill and wants to lay in bed all day and nap and ask the man to cater to her, he complains about having to cook and watch the kids for ONE DAY so she can get rest!!!

Of the men who did leave on her own and left her to deal with the mortgage and bills and kids on her own- then want to FIGHT her for him not wanting to pay child support for his own kids- disgusting.

Not saying ALL men are like this, it is simply what I have noticed among couples I know!

I got lucky. DH dropped dead at age 40. No more marital problems. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:disagree

We get tired of having that extra child plus I am done cooking, cleaning, doing everything I no longer want to do.

I want to finally be me.

How is this a disagree? It sounds like exactly what the article said?

Anonymous wrote:disagree

We get tired of having that extra child plus I am done cooking, cleaning, doing everything I no longer want to do.

I want to finally be me.

I totally agree. And we know we can support ourselves without them.

I think that it's just an economic/structural issue: women are much more likely to be at a financial disadvantage in a divorce and file divorce petitions because that's the way to get child support/alimony/access to assets. In my case my wife (we're both women) cheated and abandoned the relationship, and it was very important to me that she file for the divorce so the record would show she was the one who ended the relationship. However, many women aren't in a financial position to force a spouse to file.

disagree

We get tired of having that extra child plus I am done cooking, cleaning, doing everything I no longer want to do.

I want to finally be me.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/31/your-money/after-full-lives-together-more-older-couples-are-divorcing.html?ref=your-money

From the attached article:

But perhaps the biggest reason for the increase in late-life divorce is the changing status of women, who initiate about 60 percent of divorces after age 40, according to AARP. This does not mean that the men aren’t disenchanted too. It just means that women actually take the decisive step.

“I think men don’t want to rock the boat, and they’ll put up with a not ideal situation,” said Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, 54, whose marriage dissolved five years ago and who runs 20-first, a gender consulting firm in London. “Part of the shift is that now women have been liberated, empowered, moved around, know how to get what they want. They are increasingly breaking up the relationships to find someone else or to be on their own.”

Dr. Schwartz, the sociologist, agrees. “Women have higher expectations for their emotional life,” she said. Dr. Schwartz, 70, has personal insight into the issue: She and her husband divorced 15 years ago. They had been married for 23 years, she said, but “the marriage had run out of juice.”

And with online dating, any woman 50+ can find dozens of men to date and make her forget about the couch potato she divorced.

Agree/disagree?